#I’m kinda feeling that Valentine’s Day energy and it’s not even February | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs | Tumgik (2024)

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Love Reading ⚧️ - February 2024 - Aquarius

Singles:

Who is Coming In: 3 Cups

Regarding: 2 Cups

Long-Term Potential: The Emperor & Ace of Pentacles

Either this is a friend you’ve developed feelings for, vice versa, or this is just someone you’re newly dating. It’s new, fresh, things are fun and lighthearted, I’m kinda getting that’s how they are generally. You may be wondering if it’s going to last forever, how is Valentine’s Day going to go, what’s the future of this connection??? Even Spirit is saying “chill”. Enjoy the process. You may miss the early moments of subtle flirting, being uncomfortable but it’s cute, random sweet gestures that they try to please you but don’t actually know you well enough to do. But they try. This is all very cute, and the long term potential comes up AS potential. *If* someone steps up their game and offers real commitment, it could be long lasting, but that’s not something that’s set in stone either, and right now this person has Poker Face and messages that indicate too much too soon, on your side. They may take you out, 3 Cups is a date, a gathering, you could go with friends even. But is it serious, no, not yet. Could it be? Having The Emperor show up shows this person wouldn’t even bother if it wasn’t an option, they aren’t one to play games or waste their time. So yes. But also chill 🩵 You could also be this Emperor not wanting to waste your time, pushing the “what are we?” conversation before the other person is even ready for it. If that’s you, then this might go the other way, if you don’t see real potential, you’re not going to stick around. But *can* it, sure. Let it play out.

Messages:

- It’s not that DEEP 😰

- I love our walks together.

POKER FACE ♦️

- Taking A Chance

- Risks & Options

- Not Showing Hand

- Gambling

Signs you may be dealing with:

Cancer, Taurus, Gemini & Pisces

Couples:

Them: 4 Swords, 5 Cups, 6 Wands

Regarding: Queen of Swords

Someone in this relationship has acted like an asshole, and it’s not clear which one, because their energy is reflecting yours. Queen of Swords may be you, could be another air sign, or this is someone that’s withdrawn completely - emotionally detached, in order to heal. Someone has acted in a way that’s controlling, domineering, and downright mean. Your side has all of those cards, but it has a lot of defensive energy as well. In the case it’s this person that’s acted this way, they know they’re wrong, they hate that you’re right, and they regret whatever they’ve done or said that was nasty or hit below the belt…because you called them on their bullsh*t 💯 Or, if you’re the one acting hurtful, they’ve withdrawn to heal, there’s no communication, and they’re seeing the truth of the situation through the hurt that they feel. In this case, the goal is to rise above the hurt and communicate from a place of fairness and truth, when it comes, because it’s not immediately. They may withdraw when they’re upset. I don’t see a breakup, I see a nasty argument, someone acting out of ego, and if you cut them off and told them to kick rocks, they are sad that you’re “winning”, successful, receiving attention, or they’re sad that they’re just not. This could be about money, goals, what’s being spent where or how, some level of control involving that, because of the mutual Oracle and 7 Pentacles at the bottom. There will be a break period where you two don’t speak, a couple days, a week, for awhile after this conflict. But their messages and emotions are encouraging, while withdrawn they seem to just be trying to make themselves happy & feeling at peace. If they need to feel sorry, they do, and that’s why they don’t know what (else) to say.

Messages:

- I want to approach you, but don’t know HOW.

- I value our bond.

ENGAGEMENT RING 💍

- Higher Commitment

- Eternity

- Partnership & Union

- Completion

Solitude 🫥

“In silence, peace prevails.”

Like the characters in the movie Pay It Forward, do three good deeds every day. It’s contagious and makes you feel good.

You: 9 Wands, The Emperor rev & 5 Swords

Regarding: 8 Wands & 7 Wands

8 Wands with 7 Wands is like a texting WAR. You are pissed at this person 💯 your Oracle shows clarity, truth, you feel like you have the right to defend yourself in this situation. In some cases, your defensive behavior - whether you’re right or wrong - is seen as mean, hateful, stabbing people right where it hurts to get your point across, not giving a fk how much it hurts, or the damage/consequences that follow this sort of behavior. The Emperor rev is a dick, he’s controlling, authoritarian, my way or the highway, a dictator. Tit for tat, they did it so you do it back, vengeful & control/ego trips are massive in whoever this is. 5 Swords is Aquarius energy, I’m getting it’s 50/50 here, some of you are the problem, and for others it’s switched. In some cases, this behavior alienates your person into silence. For some it’s them acting this way and you’re like “I think tf NOT”, promptly biting their head off and putting them in their place with their tail between their legs, now they’re sheepish. There is no winning here, one person is defensive to the point of reactive and the other person is sad, regretful, and healing. I would like to see an ego death here, but I don’t. Hopefully next month. Either way this goes, you are extremely defensive of/towards this person, and your Oracle is telling you that kindness can work just as well as biting someone’s head off…though in some cases it may be justified. There is a purpose to all of this, and a break period, both of you need time to think.

With your messages showing Children, this may be an ex of yours that you share children with, and they’re of no help to you, that’s why you’re biting their head off, could be over child support, agreements, waiting around, controlling bs, etc. The Emperor rev - essentially not being a responsible parent, a good role model, etc. I do see regret in them. If not an ex, this person could be super controlling over money or materialistic in general, to prove a point or some bs, money plays into this somehow. One of you is gaining perspective, but I don’t know if it’s in favor of “the unit” or just feeding their own ego.

Messages:

- Children

- New Perspective

SWORD & ROSE 🗡️🌹

- Clarity & Truth

- Revelations

- Honor & Protection

- Determination

Desert Passage 🏜️

“Trust there’s a divine plan.”

Sometimes a smile or a kind word can be stronger than any medicine.

Mutual: 8 Swords, 10 Cups & 2 Cups

Regarding: The Hanged Man

The Hanged Man is the best energy for you both to be in, because this is about seeing things from other perspectives, each other’s even. What other people are doing, maybe getting advice or reading about others who have gone through similar things, it’s this lull period where nothing happens because you both need to think through it. Or you have been there. 8 Swords shows you both feel unable to move forward, you both feel stuck in this situation how it is, neither is communicating, but both of you see potential long term happiness with the other person. 10 Cups & 2 Cups. It’s like you both think/know this is your soulmate, but this situation gets in the way of what should be a happy and long lasting love. You’re both waiting for that to happen on its own, with no effort being put forth by either person - The Hanged Man & 7 Pentacles both wait. Waiting for better days, waiting for more money perhaps, waiting for a goal to come your fruition, waiting on ego deaths - The Hanged Man rev, waiting for the other person to SEE your side, and they’re doing the same, or just not taking action because again they don’t know how. If it’s been a long time, you’re bitter as hell they’ve never stepped up to the plate like an Emperor, taking control and playing their part (could be kids), or there are just specific cases where that’s true if not all the time. You both want each other, and whatever you had before - with Picture & heavy nostalgia, you both want this to move forward. You could both be questioning whether you can even give the other what they need, and again money plays into this somehow. Oracle says the time is NOW. If you want it, do something, it starts with putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, and them doing the same. If that can’t be done, I don’t see this going anywhere this month - 8 Swords is trapped in their head, trapped where they are, sometimes by choice because the person refused to see what needs to be seen - they would be taking accountability and it’s hard. You both wait like more time is needed but this says to do it, right now. If this is regarding money or a specific purchase, money may need to be saved up for something, and it doesn’t have to be or shouldn’t be a huge conflict. You both want the other one to speak up first. You can be right and not mean, both. Or them, someone needs to hear it.

PICTURE 📸

- Looking at Pictures

- Missing You

- Nostalgia

- Make New Memories

Answering the Call ☎️

“The time is now.”

Identify yourself by your thoughts and feelings and not by what you own.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Libra, Sagittarius, Leo & Pisces

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2.14.24

uhhhh happy valentine’s day?? i forgot that was a thing that was happening lol time to write a catch up entry

I feel like I fell of my wagon a bit the past week - I’m still fasting every day as I do normally, but I took a trip this past weekend that threw off my routine quite a bit (as I was anticipating). I weighed in and it looked like I had gained a couple pounds and I panicked and I kinda triggered from ED reactions. Even now I’ve been fasting since 6pm last night. lol. I am wondering how long I can go, partly since I’m curious and partly because I feel like I have to sort of punish myself despite just having a nice weekend with friends looool.

I’m just kinda in the mood to trigger myself again, so I will probably go do that lol.

Something that really tanked my mood Monday morning was I got flat out rejected from a really big idol showcase coming up. I’ve been rejected at plenty of other events but I was honestly shocked since this was my first time being rejected out of this one. And it doesn’t feel good that it wasn’t even a waitlist email, it was just a flat out “You did not get in, bye!” like it just sucks. I feel like I let my group down. I’m trying not to let it bother me but I’m also a human and I worked really hard on that application even if I knew our practice video was not quite up to standard (although I’m still not sure what quality they’re looking for I guess).

I’ve been struggling again this week on even just TRYING to do anything. It’s like i’m just so depressed and so tired and my body is sore and i don’t have the energy to work out or sew or clean or anything. I’ve honestly been getting pretty angry with myself about it. I’m not sure how to work through it anymore. I’ve been caught in this same cycle for two entire months at this point. I just can’t get out of this depressive episode. At the very least I’m just trying to focus all the energy I do have into my job, since it’s the thing that is going to save my ass in the end lol.

Over the weekend, I felt really great about myself. Like even with just 13 pounds lost, the way my body looks is a lot different. I’m really glad I’ve lost so many inches off my waist - it was something that had been really bothering me. My biggest goal is to get my waist back down to a 42. I’m still holding at 46, so I definitely have a bit of work to do before then. My biggest thing right now is that I just haven’t been able to get back into working out. I really need to, because I know I’m never going to make the progress I want unless I try. But again, my back has been hurting the past couple weeks and I was struggling with pelvic pain and I was just so tired I didn’t do anything. I’m trying to get some exercise in during the times I’m walking my dog at the very least. Gonna try and walk her twice today to just get my body moving in some way. Hopefully I can work on getting back into workouts this weekend when I feel less overwhelmed by work.

I will say, I’ve been smoking a LOT of weed lately. It’s definitely contributing to my depression since all it’s doing is “elevating” my depression lol. I’ve also just been smoking it for pain management too, since I was taking so much pain medicine last week and none of it was working. It’s those times that really feel the most difficult. I’m wondering if I would be able to get a medical weed card lol that would be much more useful to me than choking down OTC pain meds on repeat.

Anyway, I haven’t lost any weight yet this month and it’s giving me anxiety now that we’re halfway through. I know I’m not reaching my weight loss goal this month unless a miracle happens. Going to push myself to do this really long fast currently, and will try and do longer ones this weekend too. And i WILL workout, because I know I have to. Curious and nervous how I’m going to weigh in today, I’m been kinda floating around 325 and I want to be back to 324 ASAP…

I think I’m going to have to make 320 my goal for February sighhhh

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Long winded rant ahead :/

I thought my February was turning around but it is not. It has continued to provide me with drama despite me literally just getting done cleaning up and emotionally/mentally moving past the last drama yesterday.

Hilariously in the previous argument a point that was brought against me was that I never argue with person B the way I do with person A and why does A always have to take the brunt of the bad blood.

And now person B and I are arguing vehemently this evening. I hope they calm down and text me back rationally the day after tomorrow. Some advice I offered in passing after an event that negatively impacted me (and it was their fault) was taken far too personally. It really was never meant to be that serious but they have chosen to take it as an attack on their character.

I am literally so mentally and emotionally drained I can’t even really muster the energy to feel all that bad about it. I’m focused on moving past it and talking through it but they’re too angry to have a productive conversation right now. It’s just anger and jabs and a f*cking pity party with accusations at this point. When they get THAT mad they would rather stew in their anger for awhile. It’s not helpful, especially not to their health, but nothing drags them out of it.

My brother in Christ you made a mistake that f*cked me over and also then embarrassed me very publicly. I’m allowed to say “hey maybe in the future do this and we can avoid this altogether” along with “you’re a great person but sometimes you have too much faith in others in situations that call for the opposite”.

I’m just confused. I assume they are projecting out of embarrassment and need space but they also have a bad 50/50 habit of doubling down after the fact because they desperately want to save face. So I’m kinda just playing the waiting game. Ball is in their court.

God I’m exhausted. Hopefully Valentine’s Day will be a turning point in the sh*tshow that has been February.

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“No one will ever love you the way that I have loved you.”

there’s a lot from fever that i still think about to this day, but that line in particular always makes me stop and think.

sam says it out loud to a sketch of alex resting on her car seat before she’s in the accident that puts her in the hospital for three months, and then she thinks it constantly until she finally gains the courage to do so.

i came up with this line after i made my very first drawing of alex in february 2021, when we were all still in quarantine, and i remember watching him on ig live right before valentine’s day. i don’t even know what came over me but he was taking questions and i kind of blurted it out: “boxers or briefs?” (i think i also asked him “co*ke or pepsi” but i can’t really remember). i also told him he’s cute when he rants (this was back when that big cold snap struck texas) and i remember him giggling at me when he picked up this acoustic guitar and it felt like i was down in front and his eyes were on me. i really do not have the best track record of flirting—if anything, i’ve always sucked at it—but i remember going to bed that night realizing, “holy sh*t, i just flirted with and teased a boy tonight, didn’t i?” i already found the vibe of the whole thing sensual as is (late at night, it’s snowing, i’m cozied up in bed in my underwear). it was from that point forward, my crush on him developed and yet, i lacked the courage to share those crushing feelings outside of fic: they were always rare with me and when i did feel them, i was always wary of talking about them because crushes, especially on a guy like him, are not taken seriously, especially when you’re young and you have youthful energy like i do—i’m as much an emotional person as i am a cerebral one, too, capable of going from very soft to full-on rage. but they are real, and they are torrid, and with him, they’ve only deepened and intensified. it’s really weird, too, because my crushes usually don’t last very long, like a year or so. but he still tickles me like that night when i asked him about underwear and soda. he gives me chills and butterflies. he makes me moist, especially when i know he’s watching me. i smile when i see his name.

one time on stories, i told him i am in love with his voice—i really am, too, it’s kinda sexy after a while, and i’m always going to think about how husky it gets whenever he talks to me on live. i’ve joked about poking or patting his belly and i can’t explain it but i just have this feeling that he loves it, like a lot (i once made a joke about blowing raspberries on his chubby belly on testament’s page and it made the page admins laugh). i’m not even touching on the comments i’ve left on his page and he’s come back to like them after the fact when no one’s looking. i feel it with him, even though he won’t say it out loud—i get it completely. the one time someone told me they had a crush on me it was well after the fact. i’m emotional and intense: people find me intimidating, and when he shared my drawing i made for him for valentine’s, he said he was humbled by it. there’s the pressure he feels, too: mr. guitarist with a stout following and when he and i started #feelingit, the whole dave ellefson thing blew up (i’m in my late twenties, mind, but the fact that happened at the same time as the white pony drawings needs to be highlighted). i also feel like i’m crossing some lines with him, too, lines i don’t really feel comfortable saying, even late at night.

“No one will ever love you the way that I have loved you” reminds me of the intensity that i feel. there’s something possessive about it, but it also isn’t when you think about it. alex has flings with other girls, namely zelda, but he always finds his way back to sam because the way she treats him is unique to her and he finds his way back to it out of comfort, and she sees it. she says it because she knows he’s always going to come back to her.

…her “porchlight is always on”, if you will…

iirc, i actually wrote it in response to the whole “not like other girls” horsesh*t, like it’s meant to give the finger to that—i didn’t mention this in my little nuclear bomb to the green druidess but that mindset is utterly rife in her writing, namely like loving the dead, like it’s actually surreal when you place it in junction with what she supposedly believes in. i can’t stand it because aside from it being genuinely misogynistic, it’s just canned and super on the nose, like… you know, we’re all different from each other: there’s no need to hammer it home.

when taken from an artistic standpoint, it loses its possessiveness and turns into a statement from an artist. there won’t be anyone who will draw you like i have. there won’t be anyone who will treat you so well through her art like i have. there will be good drawings, there will be great drawings… but they won’t be me. (so, there’s something meta about it, too.)

in sum, pay attention to what your body is telling you. pay attention to your heart and also your he(art). you may not realize it but your flesh carries a lot of wisdom. behold, the flesh and the power it holds.

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and i got you this rose (c.h)

summary: being lonely on valentine’s day sucks but maybe this is the year you finally celebrate with someone else.

-

saturday, february 13th, 2021

you always had a love for love. wanting to be on the receiving end of it and giving it the same to the person you would be dating. but after boys continuously toying with your emotions, you decided to stop trying and focus on your goals. one of the saddest things for you was never having a valentine.

in actuality, it shouldn’t have made you as sad because you get to save money but it made you feel lonely. often wondering if it was you that made people lead you on. maybe you were boring or simply not out there enough? whatever it was, you stopped searching for love.

“are you going to the vday party ashton is having on sunday?” kaykay asked while taking her seat across from you at the table.

“hmm maybe, it’s just gonna be super awkward knowing everyone has a date already.”

“you can always ask calum.”

you always thought calum was attractive but who wouldn’t think he’s attractive? he has a killer smile and knows how to make a person laugh. his energy is always hype and there’s never a dull moment.

“my best friend calum? kay, he doesn’t like me like that.”

“doesn’t like you? girl please, that boy is like head over heels for you. and i know you have feelings for him too!”

“we’re best friends, it’s not like that.”

the door opens and you hear the loud voices of your best friends. sometimes, you definitely regret giving them the key to your house.

“don’t you just love unannounced visits?” you playfully rolled your eyes at the boys.

“oh come on sweetheart, I know you always make an exception for me,” calum throws you a smile and pulls you into his arms.

“whatever you say cal. how are you doing though?”

“i love how they just forget they’re not alone,” luke whispered to the others making them laugh.

“what’s so funny?” calum turns towards the other still keeping one arm around your shoulders.

“just looking at how cute you guys are,” michael says.

“yeah, we are super cute. more so her,” he kisses the top of your head and let’s you go.

“anyways we came to drop cal off and i wanted to spend time with my girlfriend,” ashton says while grabbing kaykay’s hand.

“thanks for taking her away from me ashton. i love you kay, we definitely have to do this again.”

“oh yeah for sure! i love you too y/n,” she gives you a quick wink and walks out the door with everyone else.

-

the two of you decided to chill out for the rest of the day watching movies and eating take-out. pretty much the perfect way to spend time together.

“so cal, do you have a date for ashton’s party?” you knew asking this question could either go really well or south really quick. you secretly wanted him to say no then maybe you guys could go together.

“i’m actually planning on asking this one girl that drives me crazy in the best way,” calum smile gets brighter and yours disappears.

“oh. um, that’s great.”

“i’m really nervous to ask her honestly.”

“calum, you shouldn’t be nervous. any girl would be lucky to have you as a date.”

“i hope so, i really like her.”

the silence was killing you and now all you wanted was to be alone. it kinda hurt to hear someone you like talk about someone else.

“hey calum, i’m really tired. i think you should leave.”

“are you okay?” of course, he would notice the mood dropping.

“yeah, just got a lot to do tomorrow.”

“well i’ll see you later yeah?”

“yup,” calum wraps his arms around you and hugs you tightly. once he lets go and leaves, you immediately jumped in bed wanting to forget the conversation all together.

-

sunday, february 14th, 2021

throughout the whole day, you ignored calum’s text messages. as selfish as it sounds, you didn’t want to know his progress with the girl. a girl he never even talked about before.

for the party, you decided to wear a light pink dress with ruffled shoulder sleeves and black converse. something simple and something you can move in. you only wanted to show up for a little and then leave so it wouldn’t be too awkward for you.

“y/n babes, you made it,” sierra grabs your arm as soon as you stepped into the kitchen.

“happy valentine’s day si!”

“happy valentine’s day right back at ya. but right now, we need to talk.”

“about what?” she gives you the look that already tells you she knows everything.

“calum said you were avoiding him.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” luke walked in at the right time for you to end the conversation.

“well this was a nice talk. bye sierra and hello luke,” you gave a quick wave and walked off.

“wait, y/n come back!”

“huh? i can’t hear you.”

you made rounds talking to everyone you knew still successfully avoiding calum who you haven’t even seen come to think of it. but after a while, you just wanted to be alone. seeing all the couples made you sad, so you sat in ashton’s backyard next to the sunflowers.

“I knew i could find you here,” calum walks up to you with his hand behind his back.

“don’t you have a date to entertain?”

“i didn’t ask her yet,” he sits next you on the grass and still keeping one hand behind his back.

“why?”

“well, she’s kinda been avoiding me,” you look up at him to see him already looking at you.

“calum.”

“y/n.”

“are you playing with me?”

“no, i really wanted to ask you to be my valentine earlier today.”

“that makes me feel like a sh*tty person.”

“no, it’s okay. it’s normal to be jealous,” you guys shared a laugh and you pushed his shoulder.

“oh shut up.”

“so y/n, will you be my valentine?”

“yes calum i would love to be your valentine.”

he gently grabs your face with his free hand and kisses you. you couldn’t express how happy you were. calum sparked so many butterflies in your stomach.

“oh and i got you this rose,” he hands you the single rose and you smiled up at him.

“it’s beautiful, thank you calum.”

“the prettiest flower for the prettiest girl,” you blushed at his words and hugged him.

“now, my lady let’s party,” you nodded at him and grabbed his hand. this night definitely turned from really sour to being in the arms of the guy who you adored. truly a valentine’s day to remember.

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[day 1] one box of chocolates | tendou satori

-> you’ve been wanting to surprise your boyfriend with your own batch of chocolates and better yet, grace him with your presence this coming valentines. to your shock, you got more than what you thought it would be.

pairing:tendou x reader

themes: fluff, post-timeskip

word count: 2125 words

author’s note: I can’t believe I’m writing again! hahaha, and tendou being my first haikyuu character to create a fic uwu anyways, he was kinda hard to write on as he only got shots from seasons 3 and 4, so this may somehow seem ooc but please, I do accept constructive criticisms :) enjoy!

btw, I added a music in specific parts of the story so you can play them if you want so as to add some touches while you’re reading :)

"Ah, I hope the chocolates haven't melted yet!", you sigh tiredly with worry as you scramble your hand inside your carry-on bag, carefully checking your box of handmade chocolates as you make your way through the bustling Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport. The almost 14-hour non-stop flight has definitely taken a toll on you and the jet lag is definitely not helping you either.

You finally feel the cold air kissing your skin as you drag your way out of the airport, gingerly carrying your baggage all the while ensuring that your handmade gift is in good hands. Apparently, you weren't informed that Paris in February would require you more layers of clothing than what the thin sweater you’re wearing could offer. With a rush, you immediately went to the nearest vacant taxi. You rattled your brain for some basic French, muttering a soft “Bonjour” as you pinpoint the driver to your phone, showing him your destination. After a while, you finally feel the weight of the jet lag in your body. You deeply sigh as you finally let yourself sink in the back seat of the taxi. The driver seemed to know something, if you fumbling with your words and the way you slumped on the back seat was a sign.

"Rough day, mademoiselle?", the driver asks you in English (to, at least, your surprise) with a rough French accent, smiling. You brighten up a bit despite the stress, "Uh yes, monsieur. Am I right? It's probably the jet lag, but yeah.".

"Don't worry, your basic French is good! So, what is a young mademoiselle doing here alone? And on Valentines’ Day?”

“Ah merci! I’m actually here to visit this chocolate shop.”, you reply with a bright smile as you pinpoint your phone to the said location once again. He grins, to your surprise.

“Ah yes! That shop is actually famous around these parts, especially this Valentines’ season. Although, the owner is quite weird and even creepy for most people from what I heard around here.”, he mentions, and despite getting accustomed to how most people see Satori, you felt your hand cusp into a fist as you gritted your teeth, seething in annoyance and preparing to fight back or even to get off the taxi.

“Yet despite the rumors, he’s a kind young man. Eccentric one, I admit, but he knows the chocolate fit for the customer. Hell, he even helped me pick for my wife!” The driver continues, chuckling at the memory.

You feel all the anger in you disappear, proud of your boyfriend, as it was somewhat kind of rare for you to hear good compliments about him, “That’s just probably how other people see him. I would say, he’s a tad too eccentric for most people. He’s kind and soft-hearted and cute if you get to know him beyond the surface.”, you reply languidly with proud eyes.

You saw his eyes glance at you, before looking back at the road.

Unknowingly, your smile didn’t falter at the memory of Satori. “In fact, the owner is my boyfriend! And I’m actually here to visit — or rather, surprise him today!”

The driver chuckled softly, “Figures. You were talking about the owner like he’s your lover, and,” He paused, his eyes gazed towards the photograph of a woman that you took notice of earlier. “I can say the same.” His voice became tender as he continued driving.

You have finally arrived at your boyfriend’s little happy place, much to your joy and excitement. You immediately paid the driver and thanked him for the ride (and for the conversation). As soon as you get out of the cab, the driver calls you out, rummages something from a compartment in his cab, and surprises you with a lush red rose, thankfully free of its prickly thorns.

"You somehow remind me of me and my wife when we were younger, and it's Valentines' Season and better yet, you're in the City of Love! So please, take this as a Valentines' souvenir, mademoiselle".

"Oh you didn't have to, monsieur!"

“Good luck with that boyfriend of yours, mademoiselle! Yer both lucky to have each other.”, he says, somehow inspired by how you defended Satori as he mutters an ‘ah, young love’ to himself afterwards as he waves before driving to his next destination. Despite the jet lag creeping in your system, you grasp the remaining energy you have to at least surprise your boyfriend with your presence in the spirit of Valentines' Day in the City of Love.

I can't believe I'm in Paris, and I'm seeing Satori's shop for the first time!, you thought as you giddily reached for the eccentric gold-gilded handle of the door, slowly opening the door to the shop. The instant scent of the cocoa hit right through your senses as your eyes ran across the various chocolates on display. Walking further, you were graced with the view of your beloved with his back on you, occupied with washing his tools to finish the day as he sways his hips to the rhythm of the song he’s humming so softly.

He stops humming as soon as he hears the chime of the door bell, "Je suis désolée, on est fermé. (I’m sorry, we’re closed)", you hear Satori with bits of his Japanese accent as he continued humming afterwards, clueless of who had entered his shop.

"Well, I was thinking of grabbing a Valentines' special with my boyfriend.", you replied teasingly, emphasizing the word boyfriend, which left the budding chocolatier a bit frozen in shock as he turned to your direction with wide eyes before shifting to a smirk as he leans on the countertop, narrowing his eyes towards you as an “Oh, what do we have here?” leaves his mouth.

“My Sugar!”, he nearly screamed, seeing you as he dropped everything he’s doing and rushed to hug you tightly, not caring about his wet hands.

You lovingly welcome his arms as you hug him back tightly, soaking in his presence after being separated for so long.

“I missed you so much, Satori!”, you pout as you felt him tightening his embrace, as you savored his warmth after a long flight, his breath tickling the nape of your neck. You gasp a little bit as he gently caresses your hair, maximizing his hug with you to finally see, touch, and feel you in person.

You felt Satori loosen his arms, as you immediately replaced with the warmth of the Parisian cold, much to your disappointment. Without you knowing, Satori sees even the slightest of your body trembling from the current weather and rushes back in the kitchen to grab his Shiratorizawa jacket, much to your surprise. He then returns to you, gracefully sliding the jacket over your shoulders.

You pout at him with a prominent blush on your plump cheeks, “Thank you, Satori”, to which he replies with another hug much tighter compared to the one a few minutes ago.

“I love, love, LOVE you so much, my chocolate ice cream!”, he exclaimes as you were suddenly smothered with a couple of pecks — light kisses on your head. You snuggled closer to his chest, eagerly smelling his sweet scent of chocolate that suddenly reminded you of your handmade chocolate that you’ve left unattended for hours. You quickly scramble away from the contact, much to your endearing boyfriend’s curiosity, to see if the chocolate has withstood not only the long flight, but also Satori’s warm, tight hugs. Luckily, the red cardboard box was sturdy enough and only had a couple dents — making you sigh in relief. As soon as you pull out the box, you see your boyfriend narrowing his eyes to the direction of the box with peaked curiosity.

“Ah, what do we have here?” Satori teases, pulling off a smirk, eyes still on the box as he receives it. He gave it a little shake, that made you giggle as he playfully tried to guess what was inside. Although you could feel your cheeks burning in embarrassment with each second passing. You look away in embarrassment as you watch him. He looks at you with piqued interest, wondering what has gotten you a bit tad embarrassed, if the pink in your cheeks were even a telltale sign.

You anxiously mumbled, “W-Well, I mean, my boyfriend probably makes the best chocolate in the world, so it k-kinda sucks that the only Valentines’ gift I can give you is a box of chocolates that I have made—”, you got cut off as you see and hear your boyfriend already popping one of the chocolates in his mouth, much to your chagrin. To your surprise, he kept popping more and more of the chocolates, savoring each delight.

“Waif, lemme geth sum hot milk.” he says, with his mouth full of your handmade chocolates as he scrambles back to the kitchen, heating up some milk. As you wait for him, you notice a gramophone on the countertop with a vinyl record already in place, with Edith Piaf written on on the center portion in black marker, which you found cute as you imagined Satori listening to Edith Piaf while doing his daily chocolate-making routine. You try to play the music and much to your delight, your head gently swayed to the song, and eventually your body. Immediately after the song has started, your body has already succumbed to the rhythm of the music that you didn’t notice Satori returning with two mugs of hot milk. He grins, enjoying the view of you dancing to French music as he places the mugs down on the counter. He slowly sways as he walks up to you, his hands snaking around your waist from your back as your bodies swing leisurely to the rhythm, much to your surprise yet you quickly relax as you lean back on him, holding his hands around your waist.

Never in your wildest dreams have you imagined that the Satori Tendou, your boyfriend, the oddball, would be dancing with you like this, alone in his chocolate shop under the moonlight on Valentines’ Day in the City of Love. It was too much for your heart to handle, and probably for his heart, too.

You dance for a couple more minutes until the song slowly fades. He then relishes the way he holds you, albeit the music has already finished. You both savor each other’s presence a few more, before Satori then gets the mugs of hot milk, not wanting to waste the good heat on a cold Parisian night. You gladly accept the milk with one hand, as you grasp his jacket with the other, not wanting to feel even the slightest cold breeze. Your boyfriend then leads you to a seat on the counter, sitting next to you as he prepares his mug and your box of chocolates, now with only a few pieces.

“I never thought you would actually go here in Paris”, he starts, as he pops another one of your chocolate in his mouth, followed by gulping down his warm milk.

“I never thought I would actually go here, but I’m grateful that I did, because this is the best Valentines’ Day I’ve ever had!”, you beam as you hold your mug with both hands, relishing the warmth as you drink down your milk.

Tendou then takes note of your chocolates, “You know, I was thinking of adding your chocolates to the menu, and credit you also. Probably name it Le Chocolat Y/N Au Lait Special or something!” You smiled and held a hand on your chest, feeling how warm it suddenly felt.

“Satori, I’d love to.”, you replied, to which his smile grew bright that could burst your heart to how cute he is.

Your beloved continues to chew and drink, looking around when he notices the fresh red rose from earlier sitting atop of your luggage. You follow his line of sight, immediately seeing the lone rose. You finish drinking your milk before you tell him enthusiastically, “Ah! That was given by the taxi driver that drove me earlier. Said that we somehow reminded him of him and his wife on Valentine's Day in the City of Love in this same shop, so he gave me one.”, imitating the way your driver said City of Love. Much to your shock, Satori sardonically laughs, saying it was a tad bit too French, at least for his taste.

While finishing the last remnants of your warm milk, he then goes to the nearby gramophone and plays another Edith Piaf classic. You glance at him with curiosity as he looks at you smugly, stretching out his hand as he invites you to another dance.

“So, where were we?”

back to valentines masterlist

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07-Ghost - The World (Part. 3)

Episodes 21-30 of the 07-Ghost radio show! Aww man, I’m really sad it’s over. I had a lot of fun listening the whole way through. It definitely made me a Namikawa Daisuke fan. I look forward to spotting him in another role!

Episode 21

Kuroyuri VA’s second episode. Honestly, she was kind of annoying (sorry!) She wouldn’t stop cracking up at everything and it made the whole episode very chaotic. They started out by discussing: their ideal birthdays and nicknames they’ve had in their lives. They then played a“what would you do?” game where they had to pick the most popular reaction to various scenarios. This time the punishment was to speak like a servant/butler. The loser was...Namikawa of course (lol every time!)

Namikawa failing at keigo was honestly the highlight of the episode for me because, same. Apparently this episode came out close to the end of the anime. Funny that the show would go on for so long after the show was already over. I guess because the manga was ongoing and they still had DVD sales to boost?

Episode 22

The first no-Namikawa episode in a long time (another scheduling issue). This time though we got two guests: Castor and Lab’s VAs! Saiga called it a“church special” lol. It did feel like a mini reunion. The opening discussion was“what do you do to calm down when you feel stressed.” Lab’s VA said he likes to be alone/have alone time. Castor’s VA said he likes to eat sweets lol. Maybe it’s because Namikawa wasn’t there to react, but they barely read any fan mail.

For a game, since Lab’s VA was there they played a“flower language” game where they had to guess what each flower signified. Somehow the flowers were also connected to birthdays? I tried to Google this but couldn’t find much. I want to know my birthday flower! Anyway, the final corner was a“Last Supper” where they ate something that was supposed to taste like chestnut and another thing that was supposed to taste like sweet potato. For once, both experiments were yummy.

Episode 23

In this episode Namikawa comes back and so does Lab’s VA (sorry, I should probably learn his name). I was honestly pretty relieved to hear Namikawa again because he’s really the heart of the show. They discussed their blood types and caught Namikawa up on what he missed in the last episode. I finally looked up what the heck“Namikawa ga Kamu” means (the name of one of the corners) and I think what they’re going for is that he snaps at the listeners who send him ridiculous mail lol. Kamu has a bunch of different meanings so it took me awhile to get that.

They played another flower-themed game. This time they had to guess which flowers out of a bunch listed were currently blooming. They kept saying“ah that one blooms in winter, huh?” and I was like“wtf? Nothing blooms in winter!” Damn you Japan and your higher temps! This time Saiga and Lab’s VA lost and their punishment was to speak like a maiko (I didn’t even know maiko had a unique speech style). The final segment was responding to listeners worries but I honestly struggled to understand what they were saying and spaced out a little, oops! Lab’s VA said he wants to come back, but was disappointed in the lack of food this time around lol.

Episode 24

Wow, a Bastien episode, how unexpected. I honestly forgot what Bastien sounded like because he was in so little of the anime, but he has a nice, deep voice. Probably second deepest after Ayanami. It cracked me up how he and Namikawa bonded over how they both voice dead guys. The started the episode out by discussing what kind of food they like to eat in November and then talked about how popular/unpopular they were in their younger years. One fanmail asked what they would give Teito as a birthday present and no one really knew what to say LOL (it is a hard question). Namikawa said a camera and Bastien’s VA said“Mikage” loool.

I thought the game they chose for the Bastien episode“find the impostor” was clever, but it was hard to play along. It was another game where they had to pick“which one of these doesn’t belong” out of a list of 07 Ghost things, but they didn’t clearly read out the options so it wasn’t super interesting to listen to. Bastien’s VA lost and his punishment was to talk like a country bumpkin for the next segment. They ended the episode by doing the confessional-like corner and listening to listener’s sins. Amen.

Episode 25

Another Kuroyuri episode! I guess she was really available lol. This one was recorded around Christmas time so it was slightly Christmas themed. They talked about sock fetishes (for some reason lol) & read some more chaotic fan mail. One girl that wrote in claimed to be from Namikawa’s elementary school and they freaked out.

The game they played this time around was“what do you want for Christmas” where each person listed a bunch of things they might want for Xmas and then the others had to guess what the correct answer was. Kuroyuri asked something along the lines of“what cup size boobs do most women want?” I’m used to boobs coming up a lot in stupid anime so I was kinda surprised to hear real people have that conversation lol. Namikawa was clearly uncomfortable and gave the“I think size doesn’t matter” speech haha. (By the way, the answer was C cup). Namikawa lost as usual and had to use“reindeer speech” for the following segment. His interpretation of this was to add“tona” at the end of every sentence (because tonakai = reindeer).

The final segment was Last Supper and they ate things that are supposed to taste like melon when you eat them together (white chocolate + apple juice, cucumber + honey). Apparently neither hit the mark but at least they weren’t too gross this time.

Episode 26

Jun (Hakuren’s VA) returns! They call him“Jun Jun” which is way too cute. I think he’s one of my favorite guests, just cuz he’s so iconic and has great energy for radio. In this episode they discussed what color each person would be (Namikawa = orange, Jun = black, Saiga = blue). They also discussed New Year’s resolutions because this was recorded around January. They played an 07-Ghost themed version of karuta which was fun to play along with. Guess who lost? (It was Namikawa lol). I totally didn’t get what his punishment was. He had to talk like“maro/daimaro” and I couldn’t figure out via google what the heck that is.

In the final segment they gave advice to listeners. One listener asked what they should do about a mouse problem. Namikawa at first said“move” but then changed his answer to“get a cat” lol. Very inspired. Only 4 episodes to go~!

Episode 27

A rare no-guest episode. Namikawa seemed very fed up and low energy in this one lol. This was recorded in January so they discussed new years again. It’s kinda cool hearing time pass in these. Oh how innocent times were back in 2009/2010. The only thing that really stood out in the beginning of this episode was that one listener called Namikawa“Namikawa D-Cup-san” and Saiga and Namikawa died laughing. This was in reference to a past episode where Namikawa called himself that but he acted like he never said that loool. Honestly, the best part of this show is just hearing everyone laugh at dumb jokes.

The game they played this time around was pretty creative. Basically while one person was blindfolded the other had to help them draw a picture of a 07 Ghost character with verbal instructions. As they did so, they had to stay in-character. It was really funny hearing Saiga switch from polite Japanese to Teito’s feral speech style. You don’t really realize how cartoony anime character’s are until you hear natural speech right next to it (or maybe that’s just me lol). Namikawa lost again (I felt bad for him this time cuz he sounded genuinely disappointed) and his punishment was to stay in Mikage-mode until the end of the episode. He said acting so“pure” was exhausting.

Episode 28

Another Haruse episode. He was really cute in this one, he admitted that he was nervous about doing radio and was worried his voice would shake haha. They again talked about New Years and New Year’s resolutions. They also took some kind of“psychology test” where they had to describe what color/pattern handkerchief they’d want to receive from a girl. The color handkerchief = the color of panties they like or something stupid like that lol.

For the game, they had to put 07-Ghost characters in the correct order. Saiga had to order the ghosts, Haruse’s VA had to rank the Black Hawks, and Namikawa had to organize a bunch of characters in the order they’re introduced in the manga. Pretty difficult. Everyone did about the same so they had to do rocks, paper, scissors to decide the loser. The loser was, of course, Namikawa. His punishment was to sing everything like an opera singer for the next segment.

The final segment was giving advice to listeners. One person asked for advice on dating someone older than you and another person asked about giving“the talk” to their younger brother lol. At least I think that’s what they said. These advice portions have some tricky Japanese.

Episode 29

The first Konatsu episode, it’s interesting to see them bring in new guests at the very end. Konatsu was one of my favorite characters so it’s unfortunate that I found his VA really annoying lol. His style of humor was to just repeat the same obnoxious thing over and over again and I found it really grating. This was recorded in February so they discussed how much you should spend on Valentine’s day chocolate. They also asked Konatsu’s VA what kind of character Konatsu is and he basically said“I had like no lines, so I dunno” lol. Too true. I forgot Konatsu was even in the anime.

For the game they had to pop some balloons and the more hearts they got the better their score was. (I guess they put heart on pieces of paper and stuffed them inside the balloons?) For once the loser was the guest and Konatsu’s VA had speak in a Kansai dialect for the final segment. The episode ended with“The Last Supper” and they ate avocado with vanilla ice cream, which apparently is supposed to taste like mango.

Episode 30

The grand finale! They actually called it that too. I wasn’t sure if they were going to acknowledge this as the last episode but they made it special. They did a lot of reflecting on how far they’d come and how the show seemed long and short at the same time. This was an hour long episode but they basically spent the entire time reading listener mail (which is my favorite part anyway). No games, no guests. Namikawa’s“kamu” corner got special background music for the first time. Most of the listener mail was people saying their goodbyes and being sad that the show was ending.

At the end of the episode some staff person came into the studio to thank Namikawa and Saiga for their hardwork and to give them chocolate. Very cute. The depressing part is that both the hosts and the listeners were talking about“if season 2 happens...” which obviously never did. Pooor 07-Ghost :’(

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February 2, 2021: Pretty Woman (1990)

ALL RISE FOR THE KING AND QUEEN OF ROMANCIA!

First, we bow to the Actor King of Romancia, Richard Gere. Gere is a DYNAMO of romantic movies, having starred in The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, American Gigolo, An Officer and a Gentleman, Sommersby, Autumn in New York, Chicago, Shall We Dance?, Runaway Bride, and of course, Pretty Woman. He was crowned king of this fictionation both because of his film prowess, and because DUDE HAS DATED A LOT OF FAMOUS PEOPLE GODDAMN

Second, we bow to the Actress Queen of Romancia, Julia Roberts.

Roberts’ resume is equally romantic, including films such as Notting Hill, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Eat Pray Love, Steel Magnolias, Mystic Pizza, Runaway Bride, and of course, Pretty Woman. She was crowned queen of this fictionation because, I mean...it’s Julia Roberts, man. Who else was gonna be queen, Meg Ryan? She’s too busy ruling the Holy Romance Empire.

Yes. Yes, I will be visiting the Holy Romance Empire soon.

Anyway, one of the advisors to this great land was the now sadly passed Garry Marshall, a seasoned romantic movie director, responsible for The Princess Diaries(and its terrible sequel), Beaches, Runaway Bride(sh*t, should I watch this one?), and those bad holiday romance movies from the late 2000′s. You know, Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, Mother’s Day? Yeah, that’s the guy.

Marshall was appointed an advisor of Romancia because of his role as director of the film...you know.

Enough navel-gazing; let’s get into Pretty Woman, shall we? I, for one, am looking forward to venturing further into the land of Romancia! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

We start at a party where...George Costanza?

Huh! Phil Stuckey (Jason Alexander), a lawyer and kind of an asshole, is romancing women at a party, held on the behalf of Edward Lewis (Richard Gere), a businessman from New York. However, he’s currently in California away from his unhappy girlfriend back east, who’s feeling a tad neglected by the constantly busy Edward.

Meanwhile, on a less-than-great side of town lives Vivian Ward (Julia Roberts), a prostitute working the mean streets of Hollywood. Making her way to the red-light district, she enters the Blue Banana Club (which is...a name, that’s for sure), where she finds her roommate Kit De Luca (Laura San Giacomo). Laura’s unfortunately spent their rent on drugs, during the height of the cocaine epidemic in Hollywood.

The two meet each other on the street, where Edward’s lost, and struggling with Phil’s stick-shift Lotus Espirit. She offers to give him directions for money, and he reluctantly accepts. She gets in, and guides him back to his hotel. As he struggles to drive, she displays her knowledge of cars from back home. He then offers to drive the car for him, and also shows her prowess as a driver. Which...is pretty neat.

He asks how much she makes in her profession, as the two roll up to his hotel. As they begin to part ways, he asks her instead to accompany him into the hotel. She’s about as charmed and gawky as I would be going into a sick-ass hotel like that. The elevator in it has a f*ckING SOFA INSIDE, YES PLEASE

Edward’s a little embarrassed by her gawking, but they quickly get past it. Edward’s graveyard-still complacency is contrasted by her manic pixie energy. Not that she’s a manic pixie dream girl...I think. It’s more of a “rock-and-balloon” relationship deal. When Vivian busts out the condoms (she’s a “safety-girl”), Edward instead says he wants to “talk.”

During this talk, it’s revealed that his girlfriend has officially broken up with him, leaving him conspicuously single. He asks if she can stay the entire night, and she agrees for a price, to which he gladly agrees. They spend the night getting to know each other, although Edward is doing business during much of it. And she’s watching TV, and it gives off these kinda weird daddy-daughter vibes (not kink-shaming, mind you), and it’s...mildly uncomfortable.

This quickly progresses into her beginning to seduce him, and the two presumably have sex. We cut away just before anything happens, though. Afterwards, Edward takes a shower, as Vivian falls asleep, taking her wig off for the first time.

The next morning, Edward talks to Phil about an upcoming business purchase, when Vivian walks into the room. He’s ordered breakfast for them. ALL OF THE BREAKFAST. Seriously, everything on the menu. Motherf*cker, do you KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE ROOM SERVICE IS? WE GET IT YOU’RE RICH

He reveals just how rich he is, noting that he buys companies on the brink of failure, and then sells pieces of the companies he buys. Vivian equates this to a chop-shop, which seems extremely accurate. On another call, Phil tells him that it would be better if he had a date. And it looks like...he already has one.

Yeah, Phil “hires” Vivian to be his girlfriend for a week. For $3000, she accepts, and I feel just a little icky. And yet...I dunno, we’ll see. He’s doing this purely to avoid romantic attachment, which is a little weird, but understandable? Maybe?

At this point, we get one of the most iconic scenes in the film, as the uptight women at a Rodeo Drive store tell her to leave, like assholes. They’ll get their comeuppance, though. OHHHHHH, THEY’LL get it. This compounds when the hotel manager, Barnard “Barney” Thompson (Héctor Elizondo), questions her presence there. And while it seems that he’s going to kick her out, he actually helps her out with an outfit.

Meanwhile, Edward’s business deal begins to go somewhat south, until Edward takes advantage of GOVERNMENT CORRUPTION. Anyway, Vivian goes to a local department store, where Barney’s friend Bridget (Elinor Donahue) helps her out with a co*cktail dress. When she heads back, Barney acts like a bro once again and teaches her proper etiquette, Emily Post style.

Edward heads back to the hotel, where Vivian is waiting for him. And she looks cuuuuuuuuuuute. Edward thinks so, too, and they head to the corporate dinner. There waitselderly businessman James Morse (Ralph Bellamy), and his grandson David (Alex Hyde-White). We get a taste of just how vicious of a businessman Edward is, and Vivian makes a much better impression on the Morses than Edward does. Also, Eddie’s kind of a sociopath, huh? Or, at least, he has some sociopathic tendencies. I dunno his pure emotionlessness is rubbing me a weird way.

After the dinner goes VIOLENTLY south, the two begin to relate to each other a bit more. He notes that he prefers not to bring emotion into business, although he apparently does like Mr. Morse. He also notes that his father died a month ago, but it doesn’t appear to affect him much. Still he heads downstairs to get some air. Later, Vivian gets the bellhop, Dennis (Patrick Richwood) to help her find him, and she does. He’s playing piano like a GODDAMN MANIAC HOLY sh*t! Just like, “Don’t mind me, I’m just playing an operetta to PUT THE KNIFE FEELINGS TO SLEEP IAMTHEZODIACKILLER.” This manic performance is followed by the two just...f*ckin’ on the piano. They just f*ck IN THE LOUNGE RIGHT ON THAT PIANO JESUS CHRIST GUYS

The next morning, post-musex, they go to get outfits together, in which Gere buys a massive set of outfits, and we get the first makeover montage this month! He also flashes even more sociopathic flair with a clothing store owner, goddamn. And that’s...when we get the song.

I mean, we had to get this song in here at some point, right? She also engages in the most iconically HUGE moment of the film. You know what I’m talking about, and it’s beautifully cathartic, my Lord.

Meanwhile, at work, Edward’s starting to...lose it, I guess? As Phil’s encouraging him to close in on Morse for the kill, Edward’s beginning to grow a heart. And may I note that he’s been in this relationship for TWO DAYS. Jesus, buddy, you’ve really never had a meaningful relationship, huh? They eventually go to a polo match for business reasons, here Phil finally meets Vivian. Vivian also notices that none of the high-society people here seem like, well...friends.

Turns out that David Morse is one of the polo players, and Vivian starts to speak with him. Phil, meanwhile, notices this, and suspects her of being a corporate spy. And Edward, like an ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE, tells her that Vivian’s a prostitute. Phil LITERALLY IMMEDIATELY GOES AFTER HER, and solicits her like a f*cking CREEP.

This obviously very much upsets her, and she chews Edward out back at the hotel. And the argument that follows IMMEDIATELY puts me on Vivian’s side, because Edward’s being a sociopathic douchenozzle. Goddamn. She rightfully wants to leave, and he just lets her. And here’s the real kicker; she doesn’t take the money.

And that’s when Edward sincerely apologizes to her, as best as he can. And yeah, he’s a little sociopathic, but I can see that the dude is trying? The two make up, and once again open up to each other. Edward starts to realize, in turn, that he legitimately has feelings for her. And we head into the third act of the film.

The next day, Edward leaves work early to go on a date with Vivian, and Phil asks if the date is with “the hooker.” And Edwards flashes him a look that’s just...knifey. I’m still not convinced he isn’t the Zodiac Killer. He takes her to an opera in San Francisco, before which we get this scene.

Adorable. God, I love Vivian. Also Dennis and Barney are the best, and they’re super f*cking invested, and I am HERE for it. Their date to the opera is...sublime. Understand, my girlfriend and I watched this entire film together, and we’re both in love with Vivian and the opera after it. Imma take her to the opera on a date one of these days, I swear it.

That night, they play chess together, and Edward actually takes the following day off. He also actually sleeps in a bed for once, instead of going to work. And this is when my girlfriend the following phrase:

Is he sculpting her, or is she sculpting him?

OK, that fantastic question is one of the reasons we’re together, but also a very interesting point. Lemme explain here. This is very much a Pygmalion story in a few ways. While not a straight adaptation by any means, this film is definitely taking a few ideas from the Pygmalion trope. See, if you don’t know, Pygmalion’s a Greek myth about a sculptor who falls in love with his statue. It’s been adapted multiple times throughout the history of the arts, but the most prominent version of this was the stage musicalMy Fair Lady, famously adapted into a film starring Audrey Hepburn in 1964.

And again, a lot of adaptations of that, too. While Pretty Woman isn’t explicitly an adaptation of either work, the themes are still present in the work. So, yeah, it’s a good point. In this version, she’s changing him as much as he’s changing her. The sculpture is sculpting the sculptor. Which is cool.

And then, as we had that cute little revelation, Vivian tells Edward that she loves him. And OH f*ck. It’s the last day. And when he says he doesn’t want this to be the last of them together, she takes it as romantic. But when he essentially proposes making her a beck-and-call girl, putting her up in an apartment and hooking her up with dresses...she’s understandably not interested. She says that, as a little girl, she dreamed of a white knight that would sweep her off her feet and take her away. But Edward isn’t that knight.

Have I mentioned how much I love Vivian? Because Vivian’s f*ckin’ fantastic, Jesus Christ.

Edward decides to leave, and says that he’s done all he can at this point. He leaves, and she’s shattered. Kit, meanwhile, comes to visit her at the hotel, and she admits that she’s fallen in love with him. While Kit’s initially worried about it, she says that they could maybe settle down and buy some diamonds and a horse. I also love Kit.

Meanwhile, at the meeting with Mr. Morse, Edward turns the tables on Phil and his yes-men, and asks to speak with Mr. Morse alone. Phil’s gobsmacked by this, but agrees. Once they’re alone, Edward admits that he no longer wishes to buy his company and destroy it. Instead, he wants to help him rebuild his company. And Morse agrees, telling Edward that he’s proud of him.

Phil, EXTREMELY irritated by this, and decided to make his way to talk to Edward at the hotel. And that’s when he finds Vivian. FUUUUUUUUCK. As expected, Phil tries to r*pe her, and that’s when Edward shows up, and BEATS THE f*ck OUT OF HIM.

Edward tells Phil off, calling him an EVEN BIGGER sociopath than he is, and kicks him out. Friendship ended with Phil. Now Vivian is his best friend. But despite this, Vivian still realizes that their relationship, at least the one she wants, seems impossible. Conceding, and on his way back to New York now, Edward pays her, and tells her to call him if she ever needs anything.

But he asks her to stay one more night with him, not because of money...BUT BECAUSE OF LOVE. And she replies that she can’t...and they part ways. Vivian goes to say goodbye to Barney, who still rules. He calls a cab for her, and says that she can visit them anytime. My girlfriend says that she would leave me for Barney, and I agree. I agree so much, because she deserves the best, and the best is Barney, and I could never BE Barney.

I could never be Barney.

It’s over now, as the song in the background says, and Edward laments his lost relationship as the thunder rolls in. Vivian decides to finally go to San Francisco, and finish high school, inspired by Edward’s love and faith for her. She passes that faith onto Kit as she says goodbye. Fuuuuuuck, man, this goodbye hurts as well.

Edward goes to the lobby, and talks to Barney one last time. AND BARNEY TELLS EDWARD WHERE VIVIAN WENT, LIKE A GODDAMN CHAMPION. WHY CAN’T I BE AS PERFECT AS BARNEY????

He makes his way to her apartment, and buys flowers from a woman with a co*ckney accent, WHICH IS A MY FAIR LADY REFERNCE! HOLY sh*t! He arrives in a white limo at her place, overcomes his fear of heights and climbs a fire escape in a metaphorical tower to rescue his princess.

THAT’S HOLLYWOOD, BABY! And it’s Pretty Woman as well. That was a very heartwarming film, and I’m very glad that I watched it! Is it perfect? Ehhhhhhhh, see you at the Review.

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Hey! I was wondering if you had any insight on an ENTPxENFP relationship (platonically or romantically)?

Hellooo!

Yes. In fact I do. I have many friends who are ENFP (my best friend is one of those), and I dated an ENFP briefly in like... February and March. (lol I don’t tell y’all anything anymore).

ENFPs are great. They’re like soft suns of pure caramel-drizzled joy. For any ENTP who is suuper strong intuition and also has a developed Fe, the path towards an ENFPxENTP friendship or romance is easy. ENTPs who don’t rely as heavily on their Nes and whose Tis are nicely developed may not be as entranced by the floating cloud brains that are the ENFPs.

My best friend is an ENFP, and one of my closest friends where I live now is one too. They’re both very clever and imaginative. They make connections quickly and can dream for agessss. Hanging out with an ENFPs warrants tons of ideas and half-assed plans to become psychic detectives and write music and make soap. Only sOME of these ambitions come true though. While an ENFP and an ENTP can get things done... it’s kinda hard because they’re both super dreamers (especially when together). ENFPs are brilliant at dreaming ahead and making new dreams, ENTPs are brilliant at building the hOW it can be done. So they’ll come up with some full-fledged ideas, they just may need a more grounded do-er in the group to get-er-done.

Given that our dominant functions are both Ne, our energy is based on ideas and newness. So these two types honestly can energize each other quite well. But at the same time, we get it when the other is drained from people or something going wrong, and we’re pretty good at making the other feel better because we know which buttons to press to raise the other person’s mood.

For example for the bff and the friend here, whenever something goes wrong with them I’ll be like... want me to set them on fire? They’ll probably agree and I’ll make some vocal outlandish plans for commiting this arson. The journey alone of re-interacting the Ne brings them (and ENTPs) back up to a better mood. Bad moods stick longer on ENFPs though. Whenever I’m feeling bad, my friend here would send me these weird memes. Most recently, she sent me this dog with his head in a flower named soft Bob who promised to take care of me and eat my enemies. Cheered me right up.

ENFPs can be forgetful sometimes--or in the clouds. This may annoy ENTPs who, in comparison (key phrase here), are more interested in following through, or trying to make these projects happen.

ENTPs aren’t as good as being self-aware as ENFPs are. ENTPs may forget to eat or relax or prioritize. ENFPs are more aware of their personal needs and make more effort to take care of themselves.When I lived with my bff (she was my first college roommate), her side of the room would be decorated and organized with plants and posters and matching colors. To say that my side was decorated would be a stretch... but it was functional in a non-aesthetically pleasing way. If she helped me organize and prioritize what needed to be where, I could adapt and see what she was seeing, and then get my sh*t together.

ENFPs have a good sense of their morals and what they care about. So while they may not be too hot at reading others or even themselves emotionally, they spend a lot of emotional energy on trying to do what they feel is right--and they can feel despair when they’re not positive about what they think. ENTPs tend not to have as clear of an idea about what we think, and so when our morals are challenged, when the rules of the game change, we’re better at redefining our game plan. The differences between the two here are actually quite complimentary in that ENFPs help us realize that it’s ok to actually have opinions on things and follow through with action. On the other side ENTPs help ENFPs with being adaptable and keeping the morals while changing how you get to the end point.

ENFP & ENTP romantic match is pretty comfortable too. I never laugh as much as I do with ENFPs, and they help the other grow in different ways.When I was dating ENFP, we realized pretty quickly that we got on like a house on fire, so the first week we went out 3 or 4 times (including my birthday and Valentines day...). We are both imaginitive, hilarious, un-humanly attractive ;), and kinda weird. We’re friends now though... and I think that has to do with my penchant to prefer ENFPs as friends for some stupid reason. But I think it would make a really nice match for both friends and more!

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Saturday 13th February - 154.6lbs

On one hand, that means I only dropped 1.4lbs overnight so it wasn't as low as it should be by the 2lb rule. My waist is still over 29in (29.25) my boobs are still 36in, all of this can bump back up, etc

On the other hand, I'm back under 156, and this is 2lbs lower than yesterday. That much is definitely good. I haven't lost 2lb in a day for years. I know some of it is probably some kind of temporary loss but some of it has to be actual fat weight surely

So it's sort of in a place where I'm kinda happy about it and kinda just meh. I feel sort of smaller but still pudgy. I'm still very aware that if I put on a cute outfit I'd hate how it looks on me. It's valentine's day tomorrow and I won't be taking any nudes or anything.

I don't know what to do today. I think I got more sleep than before, but I'm still really tired. Maybe because I didn't eat much yesterday. But it definitely feels like a sleep related tiredness, not like being low on energy (though I do have a bit of that too). I feel sad. I think I started to feel a little better at some points yesterday, probably with the prospect of losing weight, but today I just feel sad and alone. I miss bf a lot. I don't really care about calendar dates specifically but everything everywhere is about being with someone you're in a relationship with or being happy being single, and I'm neither because he's there, but I'm here. And we're mentally exhausted from all this lockdown sh*t. I don't really have the energy to do some elaborate thing or gift, and I don't expect it from him. I just want to be with him.

It feels like Sunday for some reason. I'm expecting new attack on titan and wine. But that's tomorrow. I drank last Sunday and it was a bit more so I said I wouldn't drink for at least a week. I didn't really decide whether that means not until next Sunday, ie tomorrow, or not until 7 full days have passed, ie Monday. Either way I shouldn't drink today. Idk. I'm just bored and sad and alone. I don't have wine or new media to look forward to. I don't have the energy to do something myself, like work on my creative things. I washed some bedsheets yesterday so I should deal with all that. I could bleach my roots and sort my hair out. Wax my legs. Moo the floors. Clean the bathroom. Design some clothes. It just all feels pointless. I just want to go be with bf. Of course, if that did become possible, I'd need to do a lot of self maintenance anyway, like wax my legs and sort my hair. Or I'd want to at least. But if I could just speed through making myself look acceptable, that's all I'd want to do. And if I can't go see him it doesn't feel like there's any point.

I ate a small breakfast today. Im not sure what kind of calorie goal I should have for the day. I feel a little lost. Whether I should stay really low like yesterday to make sure I don't gain, or go a bit higher to give my metabolism some variation and possibly raise my energy levels. Will it even make any difference if all I do is lie in bed feeling sad. Do I just need to put my Prozac dose up to 80mg a day.

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december’s only just started but I think now’s a good a time as any to start a 2019 recap.

I don’t remember much of the first half of this year, if I’m honest. I remember it starting in a pretty dark place. I do remember starting talking to Gavin at the tail end of 2018; that was honestly a light spot in that space of time. I’d really been through it last year, and it was so nice and refreshing to talk to someone who genuinely seemed to care, who was genuinely interested in what I had to say and was genuinely curious about me. I felt kind of weird about that level of attention at first, but now I miss it. time’s gone on, what can I say, maybe I’m a little attached. not painfully so, but. this is someone I really do care about a lot.

which is why I’m still pretty regretful about january. I still don’t really know what happened over festivus weekend. I’d been so upset for so long, and next thing I know it’s back to the usual. but it was just.. nothing. I felt blank. my heart dropped into my stomach the next day once I realized how something that felt so insignificant could be so hurtful, and honestly I spent all of festivus in that dead zone at T’s house just really upset with myself. I don’t know how much I would’ve enjoyed it even if that hadn’t happened.

my depression was really bad. I remember my emotions being all over the place. I remember drinking and eating bundt cake alone at home in my bathtub on valentines day. I remember sending some messages I kind of regret, others just for fun, because f*ck it, why not? I remember spending a lot of time in bed. a lot of time trying to reassure myself that I hadn’t done irreversible damage; that I hadn’t f*cked up everything as per the usual. journaling, trying to keep my mood up above rock bottom. I was fostering that litter of rats early in the year, and that felt like a whirlwind. I remember going out to dinner with a friend, and coming home, even after having a good night, in a horribly sad mood. I barely remember any of the rest of it.

I’m sure some good things happened earlier in the year too. one of the few things keeping me sane, besides my rats, was waking up in the middle of the night to snapchat and whatsapp messages from Gavin. I was a complete mess, but having someone consistently showing me they cared and actually wanted to.. I don’t know, follow all my social media, get to know me, all that. it was nice. I remember having a real bad day mood-wise and going to yoga with charlotte, and coming back to a message that I was the ~some kinda angel~ he’d been dreaming about. amazing how something like that can pick you right up. I remember a lot of voice clips; he was real excited to hear my voice the first time. I don’t much care for my voice, but... that enthusiasm gave me a little more confidence to do more song covers. I hadn’t recorded that many in years, if ever.

I think I went to a few shows earlier in the year. I got to meet Phoebe Bridgers, which was so cool. Carmen took me back out to Baltimore after I’d just seen Hozier, and we saw Weezer and The Pixies. and I got to hear all about her girlfriend troubles and her adventures in Cuba. it was really nice reconnecting with a friend, hearing how she’s been trying to do better for herself, and she really is. I can’t say I’m not a little jealous of her; her confidence and radiance; but I’m also really proud of her too.

I started my mood tracker app in february, and I think I started seeing my psychiatrist not long after that. I’m still amazed she started me on something that didn’t make me sick, and might actually be working for me. I’m still recalling that one night I had, must’ve been february. I felt absolutely godawful, and nothing helped. it wasn’t anything in particular, I just felt Bad. I wouldn’t have done anything stupid, but I also felt for a minute like it’d never go away. I tried everything. I tried a bath, possibly a face mask. I tried writing, I think. I tried music. I even put on a disney movie or two like I would if I were feeling sick (I rarely ever watch anything disney, but when I get panicky from nausea I need something comforting). nothing helped. that I think is what prompted me to go to a psychiatrist this time. I hadn’t been in that deep of a pit in a long time.

things started to pick up with the weather. I felt myself balance out. I really thought for a minute that I was going to scare Gavin away with my erratic moods, and I thought he had this perception of me that I was some kinda crazy or overemotional or whatever else... but I was just in a real bad spot. I’m still grateful that he stuck by me through all that, and wasn’t too weirded out by me for it to be actually exciting when I got my plane tickets to Scotland. I was really excited too, but of course kind of nervous because I’d never been that far away from home by myself before.

I remember doing a good bit of volunteering, but I was really tired and couldn’t keep up with much more than one day a week. my energy levels were worrying. I know I saw a few doctors, because thankfully I had the time, but they weren’t terribly helpful.

I’m sure I went to more shows. I lost my Louie in June, not long after his second birthday. that was heart-shattering. I wasn’t expecting it from him; he was just fine. he just had a lump removed from his tail. he was such a happy, sweet boy. I couldn’t believe one minute he was snuggling with his cagemates, and the next I was holding his tiny little body in my hands, trying to get CPR to work, watching the life leave his eyes. taking him to the crematory was hard. picking up his ashes was hard. everything about it was hard. but I had to keep going. I wasn’t expecting that at all, and I was so scared Ollie would be alone, because Fitzie’s time was coming fast too. he’d been deteriorating over the course of the year and I just knew it was only a matter of months. his legs were going, and he couldn’t clean himself. towards the end I had to check his privates at least once a day; male rats get buildup of various fluids, oil, and skin cells, and those plugs can block their urethras. they generally clean it themselves, but when they get so old they can’t do it. so it was up to me to pull it out. I can’t say it wasn’t weirdly satisfying, kind of in the same way that popping a big pimple is satisfying, but it was definitely gross.

so I looked for more rats to adopt. and by some miracle, just like the day after Marty passed, I found a brand new litter posted by the rescue some of my fosters went to. I went to meet the baby boys and picked two, and while I probably could’ve picked a better match... I love my Harper and Micah to bits. they’ve got such personalities on them.

but of course, nothing is ever convenient. right after I adopted them (because I had to go through such a long adoption process; I could’ve had more time otherwise), I had to go to farm jam. I was a little over-prepared this year, but I’m glad I got myself a nice tent and prepared for rain. farm jam honestly wasn’t that great this year, though. my friends wanted to hang out with each other, hardly anyone talked to me, and theirfriends from other places that I didn’t even know had other friends that they brought to our campsite, so there were a lot of strangers around. not that that’s a bad thing, but... I just felt uncomfortable. everything is so different now. not to mention I just felt really alone. people talked to me when they needed to. I ended up actually pretty bored; I’d brought some things to keep myself entertained, but I was asleep before midnight every night because there was only so much I felt like staying awake for by myself. there was one night I was just really upset, so I made myself a quick dinner and shut myself in my tent while everyone else was up all night. I read by lantern-light, put in my earplugs after I was tired enough, and went to sleep. I was ready to be home again. I’m not sure if I want to go again next year. I like farm jam, truly, but it’s just not fun when you’re surrounded by‘friends’ who can’t eve be bothered to talk to you. it was painfully obvious that I’m just not part of the group anymore.

I was glad to have Scotland to look forward to. I got to unpack and repack; thankfully I was smart enough to make packing lists before I even left for farm jam. I was nervous as all hell once I got to BWI and found my terminal, and once I landed in JFK I was trying real hard not to call my mom like I usually do when I get nervous. I get the travel jitters pretty bad. but I took some zzzquil before I got on the plane, and since I’d already been up all day I was grateful to sleep through a good bit of the 5.5 hour flight. I managed to stave off jet lag by staying up for another full day, but I can’t say I enjoyed it, ha.

I did enjoy everything else about that trip, though. I definitely had plenty of high points in my year (much more than last year, for sure), but this trip was probably the best. I know I wasn’t the most expressive (I guess I’ve learned not to be?), but I loved it there. I also know I got real lucky with the weather, so it’s not always as gorgeous as it was when I visited, but it really was lovely. I’d love to go back to Gourock one of these days. sit on the shore; a little slice of such a big world. I wouldn’t have wanted to skip rocks with much of anyone else.

I had a moment while I was catching my breath in Edinburgh; I’d gotten the tiniest bit lost and wound up in the park across the street from the Botanic Gardens, so I sat on a bench for a bit so I wouldn’t look weird. after a while I got up and crossed a big football field to get back where I was trying to go, and I remember looking up at the sky for a split second, and it really hit me that I was alone. that was the furthest away I’d been from home by myself, and I was in a city 2 hours away from the only other person I knew for thousands of miles. it wasn’t scary, necessarily. not even lonely. I think that feeling would’ve given me anxiety in the past. it was just... a profound aloneness.

I was really proud of myself for tackling Edinburgh by myself. figuring out the trains, going to see the castle, managing to avoid looking like a tourist so nobody hassled me, finding a little record shop to browse through, walking around the gardens alone. I was in so much pain I couldn’t even believe it, though. I’m amazed I made it back to the train without my leg bones breaking through my heels, and amazed I could even still walk by the time I got back to Gourock. my hips were so stiff and every step was hard. I know I pushed it. but it was so worth it.

I miss the feeling. that no-obligations feeling; being able to do pretty much anything we wanted because it was vacation time. I do remember feeling bad, not knowing what it was that I must’ve said or done (because why else would you go quiet on me?). that wasn’t so fun. but I know I’m not unreasonable. I’m not hard to talk to, I don’t think. I don’t explode over little things; I’d much rather talk through them than be left wondering what I did wrong, and then do it again. I don’t mean to be rude or mean or anything like that. we grew up with very different perceptions of things but I want to be on the same page, and sometimes that means being a little more conscious of what I say and do.

I wasn’t really looking forward to coming home, but thankfully I had a little bit more down time before I started my new job. and ever since the end of august, I’ve been in work mode, it feels like. I’ve tried to keep up with volunteering, I’ve kept myself entertained sending packages out to Scotland (can’t say I’m a fan of international shipping costs though), and I’ve dealt with the loss of a few pets. I’ve been lucky enough to have my mom’s help with moving out, and I feel like my meds are really helping me now too. I feel a lot more balanced out than I did, and having such a good work environment is helping immensely. I’m still not quite where I want to be, but I feel better than I have in years both mentally and emotionally.

the emotional front has changed too. back at the beginning of the year, I was so messed up, still. there was a lot of residual hurt after the 2 years or so prior, but I was also still super depressed. but the waters have calmed, and I’ve found that I’m not completely alone, necessarily. I have the hope that I have one person in my life now that won’t give up on me. I’ve had... something like a year now of something relatively consistent. I feel like I’ve been able to build some trust, and like I’m slowly chipping away at these walls I’ve had built up. for the first time in years I’m actually kind of upset about feeling lonely. for the first time in years I’m not feeling sick to my stomach thinking about holding a hand, or someone holding me, or, god forbid, even kissing someone. I might even want that. and it’s weird to me, now, because it almost seems out-of-character, since I’ve been so messed up for so long. but this isn’t out-of-character, it’s the character I used to be before things all went sideways. I’ve had this image of being distant and detached and repulsed and unfortunately that ends up getting tied to the fact that I’m asexual (though in actuality they’re not related). but I know that’s not me. I know my asexuality is just a fact about my attraction to other people, and it has little to do with my behavior. it’s weird to me, feeling like this again, but I’m so relieved the damage might not have been permanent. it helps that my memory is such garbage. hard to remember how to feel f*cked up when you can’t hardly remember how you got there to begin with.

maybe my year will end on a little brighter note. I’m seeing a new rheumatologist on new years eve. I hope a few people will come visit for new years. I’ve got crafts to do and things to keep myself busy with. I hope Gavin will want to skype before the end of the year, but I get not feeling good. I get that talking takes energy. sometimes I feel like I just take a lot of energy to interact with, so I’m trying not to be annoying. I’m fine doing my own thing, as I have been. but I do miss his [virtual] company. it’s getting a lot more obvious since moving out how really quiet and lonely it is by myself, and I have this feeling in the bit of my stomach that I’d feel a lot better if I could share this space with someone. sometimes I just want to show someone something, make them smile, talk about little nothings. and I don’t have that right now. I’m trying to let little things make me happy and let that be good enough, but it’s hard sometimes. it would just be really nice to be able to rest my head on a shoulder. to laugh about a dumb tv show with someone. even though I feel a lot better than I used to when I missed people, things sometimes just aren’t as good alone.

a lot of this year felt really foggy. but I’m glad to be where I am, even though it’s making me nervous. I hope I’m putting a good foot forward. and I hope 2020 brings more growth and healing. I hope one of these days I can learn to be the kind of person I want to be, and that I can be good for someone else too. so I can just know that to at least one person I’m not completely insufferable. so I don’t have to be so afraid that I’m just going to drive people away so I self-isolate. I’m doing a lot better about the negative thoughts, but I want to keep improving on that too. I have a lot of work to do, but I want to do it. it’s scary to feel like I’m doing so much alone. it’s sad knowing everyone else is caught up in their own lives, but at least most of them have someone else. it hits me sometimes howreally, really lonely it is to have your own life but completely alone. I don’t mind being single. but it would be nice to come home to someone I love. someone that isn’t my rats, though of course they brighten my day no matter what, ha.

so. yeah. I’m a little hopeful. I want to get my sh*t figured out a little bit more. it’d be real nice to go back to Scotland too, but I might have to put that idea on hold til my life balances out a little more. I’m just going one day at a time right now. I’m doing my best. and thankfully my best is getting a little better. I want to keep that up.

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Valentine - Stoner!Calum

Anonymous asked: Calum Hood and Valentine. f*ck me up man, this has me feeling so many feels right now. And Stoner!Cal has also been my weakness 😍

A/N: here ya go! I hope this satisfies your needs and has f*cked you up plenty haha ;)

Smut warning and mentions of drug use

Y/N’s POV

Valentine’s day has always been my most hated day of the year. Give me Christmas and I’m over the top happy with the Christmas lights and the music and the movies... Even Easter with all the chocolates. But Valentine’s day has always been the worst day ever.On years I was single, I just nearly vomited every time I saw a couple being cute somewhere or when I saw the ugly teddy bears in the shops. Even when I wasn’t single, I still hated it. I never really thought about the holiday until someone brought it up and then I got very stressed as I didn’t know whether to get my significant other something or not. Do they like flowers? Chocolates? Do I need to take them on a date? Or would a night at home suffice?This year somehow felt different. Calum and I have been together for a good year now, and even though he’s mostly somewhere around the world, pursuing his dream with his band and his music, we still love each other to the moon and back. No matter where we are.This year, he somehow made it less stressful. Like there was no pressure to the holiday whatsoever. And Calum was home for Valentine’s Day, but he hasn’t said a word about it. I didn’t even realize it was February the fourteenth until we were lying on the couch, watching Netflix and scrolling through our phone and Calum randomly mumbled“mmh, it’s Valentine’s day”.I looked up at him and then glanced back to my own phone to check the date. It was indeed February 14th.“Oh... What do we do?” I asked him with my eyebrows furrowed in thought.“We could go out, have dinner,” he suggested, pondering out loud.“But we’ve got pizza in the freezer and I’ve already taken my makeup and pants off,” I told him, not wanting to go out like this or change out of these comfortable joggers and Calum’s sweater.“We could just stay home, kill some time?” he then tried, to which I nodded excitedly. We both turned back to our phone, continuing to scroll through whatever social media we were scrolling through. I felt so at ease and so comfortable just sitting like this in complete silence with just the tv playing in the background and the both of us just doing our own thing, whatever that was. Calum and I used to spend a lot of days like this where we’d just be sitting on the couch, cuddled up and just scrolling through our phones and we’d be fine. But on other days, we sometimes put our phones on silent and talked about our day and anything else we thought of. And then there were days -- mostly the terrible days -- where we’d put our phone on silent and smoke some weed together. That mostly causes for the most insane dance parties first and then follow the deepest conversations we’d normally never have. It’s a great venting mechanism as we’d both just say whatever’s on our mind or whatever’s bothering us. We’d start outside on our balcony and when the weed kicked in, we’d go inside again and lie on the carpet in the living room to continue our deep chats. At the end, we’d mostly just have sex right then and there, on the carpet. Or sometimes, we would actually make it to the bedroom.With that in mind and without saying a word to Calum, I got up and went to get two joints from where we always stash them. “Let’s make this Valentine’s Day count,” I said as I showed him what I had in my hands. A sly grin formed onto Calum’s face as he got up and followed me out to the balcony. We sit down on the chairs as I light mine first, then hand Calum the lighter. It didn’t take long before Calum and I have both reached our high. We left the butts in the ashtray on our balcony table before getting inside and turning on the music. Our energy levels were higher than they’ve ever been, and I think even Calum has more adrenaline coursing through his body than he does when on stage. “You know what?” Calum then asked when we’re both worn out and crashed on the carpet in the living room. We were both on our backs, but in opposite directions with our heads right next to each other. I found myself playing around with his hair as he did the same to me. “What?” I asked him, turning my head slightly to look at him. “It’s so mental that I do what I do,” he said, confusing me a little. “What do you mean?” I asked, my eyebrows furrowed together. “It’s crazy that being a bassist in a band and touring around the world and making music is my job, don’t you think?” he elaborated, not taking his eyes off the ceiling as if he’s seeing himself playing the bass on stage. “Yeah, I guess it is crazy if you think about it. Like, that’s literally what you get paid for while I get paid for welcoming people to our country and giving them a place to sleep or to bang,” I explain my job as hotel receptionist. That’s how we met so many years ago when he came to Los Angeles for the first time and they’d booked a room in the hotel where I worked at. He’d called me so many times from his hotel, asking for stupid stuff until I decided to ask him what his problem was. He then told me he thought I was pretty and that he wanted to go out with me to get to know me better. And that’s exactly what we did. Then another date followed, and then another one. We kissed on our fourth date, had sex on our fifth when we’d gotten way too drunk. It was hard maintaining this relationship, but we managed. “You have pretty hair,” he then muttered, completely changing the subject. “I want chocolate milk,” I then said, suddenly craving the milky and chocolatey goodness. “You don’t want no kiwi?” he then questioned, turning his head to face me. I looked at him too, only to find him pouting. I had a weakness for those beautiful brown eyes and that pout. And the fact that he used his origin as a way to seduce me. Which is working in a weird way. “I’ll have some kiwi at any time of the day, baby,” I told him and closed the gap between us by pressing my lips to his. It’s a sweet kiss at first, but then my stoned ass got the best of me and deepened the kiss. I rolled onto my stomach, so that I was hovering over him a little, holding myself up with my arms. It kind of looked like the infamous Spiderman-kiss. But, you know, not really. I broke away from him for a moment and repositioned myself to sit on his lap, straddling him. His brown eyes looked at me, pleading to do something.“Happy Valentine’s Day, baby,” I told him before going at it on his neck. I kissed his skin and softly bit it until I got a groan in return. His hands gripped at my ass, giving me even more motive to torture him a little more. I lifted his shirt, kissing his abs, even licking every now and then. His member became bigger and bigger beneath me, and I was proud of myself for causing the friction in his jeans. That’s when I decided to not torture him too much and loosened his belt. With a little help from Calum himself, I pulled his jeans onto his ankles along with his underwear. Making his penis spring free, almost like gasping for air after being suffocated for too long. “I love you, Y/N,” Calum mumbled right as I took his co*ck in my mouth and started bobbing my head. I could feel it pulsating at the touch of my tongue, and me licking his tip every now and then didn’t make that any better. It didn’t take Calum too look before he came in my mouth. I swallowed it, licking off the remainders on his tip. When I came back up, Calum looked at me with thankful eyes. I think I just about nailed his Valentine’s Day present. “We’re staying home for Valentine’s next year too,” he panted before getting ready to return the favor. I couldn’t agree with him more. This way, I might actually start liking the holiday just a little more. It might even become my favorite holiday of all time. It might even beat Christmas at some point. And that’s damn right near impossible. “I love us,” I sighed after three more climaxes. I’ll always love us.

Idk, this is kinda sh*te

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The Shape of Love to Come || Finchel

Who: @alyricalberry​ & @infinnite​

When: February 14, 2018

Where:Copper Copper Boron's Valentines Day Hug Giveaway booth

What: Rachel hears that Finn is giving away free hugs, so she takes advantage of it.

Warnings: None!

Notes: *Raven and Keith voice*“wait did we ever actually post that para??”

Finn hugged another person for the Copper Copper Boron's Valentines Day Hug Giveaway. He was getting a lot of hug requests ever since he had done his speech at the AMS Elections. Finn felt proud when he felt the energy of the people he were hugging. They were happy to see him and he was happy to see them too. He had hugged another person when he saw a familiar brunette among the interested crowd. He could pick up Rachel's aura lickety split. "Yo, Rach!" Finn waved at her.

Rachel clutched at the handful of bills in her hands. All she'd heard was that Finn was running a hug booth, and she'd immediately made her way over from the library. With everything going on, a hug from Finn was everything she needed. She hadn't know it was free hugs, so she'd come prepared with money for a donation. Oh well. She perked up immediately when she heard Finn call her name and pushed through the crowd when she saw him waving. "Finn, hi!! Your booth looks like it's doing well," she told him. "Happy Valentine's Day by the way," she said brightly.

Finn could feel the discordant note of annoyance as Rachel cut through the line and tried to pretend that it wasn't happening. Rachel was a friend and she had dibs? Somethin' like that. He smiled at her. "Thanks, dude! We're just tryna raise awareness here at CCB." Finn didn't tell her it was awareness that frat bros needed love too. "Happy VD. You next in line? C'mere." Finn brought Rachel into his arms and gave her a tight, warm hug. She felt great in his arms, and he felt a weird prickling feeling somewhere in the different auras. Like intense attraction. Where was it coming from? Finn felt his own body react to it, feeling a tingle in his cheeks and his heart beating faster. He let go of Rachel and looked around, confused. He was still holding onto Rachel's shoulders.

Rachel melted into the hug and ignore everyone's annoyance. She knew she needed the hug more than any of those other people anyways. She hugged Finn back tightly. The hug was over all too soon and when Rachel looked up at him, he was looking around. "Is everything okay?" She asked, putting a hand on top of one of his still on her shoulder.

"Huh? Uhhhm nothin' dude, just felt like... Nah, s'nothing." Finn heard a bro call him to switch over for lunch. "Yo! I'm off, heheh." He felt the disappointment before he heard the crowd's groan. "Oh, no worries! I'll be back soon! Just gonna get some lunch! And uhh brush my teeth 'fterwards so I don't smell! Thanks for supporting CCB, dudes!" Finn winked at the crowd and gave them finger guns to get the good feeling flowing again. He turned to Rachel. "Y'busy? We got some cookies and sh*t if you wanna join me for a short lunch, dude."

Rachel frowned. "Are you sure?" She asked worried. She didn't know why, but Finn calling her 'dude' made her insides feel all mushy. When Finn asked her to lunch, she blushed. "No, no, I'm totally free... dude. I'd be happy to have lunch. I'm sure there'll be something close to a vegan option," she chuckled. "So, um... do you have plans for tonight? With someone?"

Finn grinned at her and put his arm around her shoulder to lead her to the craft table, where the CCB bros had set up the usual. Booze and carbs. "I think bread is vegan? We got bread." Finn said. He needed to expand the CCB bro menu. He felt apologetic and also weirdly mushy inside too. Butterflies in his stomach. He chanced a glance at Rachel. She was cute. Pretty too. He wondered if it was her feeling or his that was making him get all dizzy. "Plans tonight? Uhm, Overwatch and hangin' with Puck if he's around. Boob cupcakes." Finn laughed and then stopped. 'Boob cupcakes? Damn, Hudson, you're so cringey.'

Rachel nodded. "I'm sure it'll be fine," she said, putting her hand on Finn's bicep as they walked. She couldn't help but smile when Finn said he didn't have any romantic plans for the night. At least she had a little bit of a chance. "Well, I hope you two have fun with your video game. It sounds like a nice evening!" she said. She chuckled. "Boob cupcakes?" she asked.

He chuckled, "Yea, s'long as my frat bros don't throw a Singles Dance and want me there." Finn knew that the Singles Dance was basically code for going to the clubs and hitting on girls. Finn rubbed the back of his neck when Rachel caught what he had said. "Yea, cupcakes with boobs on them. Fake ones. Uhhm from frosting? Sorry, I hope s'wasn't offensive."

Rachel ducked her head and smiled. "No, not at all. It's actually... kind of an interesting idea for cupcakes," she said with a laugh. She put food on her plate and followed Finn to one of the tables and sat down. "So, how've you been? I haven't spoken with you in such a long time!" she said brightly.

Finn was surprised. He thought Rachel would give him a mean look. Though he decided not to tell her next time boob cupcakes were happening. Finn took some chips and a co*ke and sat next to her. "Uhhm, s'been busy. The entire thing with the house and the speech and all..." Finn tried to remember but he had blacked out so many nights with booze it was hard to keep count. "What 'bout you, you still being the best singer ever?" He asked her instead.

Rachel nodded. "Yeah, it's been a tough time. Congratulations on your speech. It was pretty wonderful. You'll be a wonderful AMS representative, I just know it!" she said encouragingly. She blushed again when he complimented her singing. "Um, not really. I was voted out of the Players, now led by that traitor Blaine Anderson. Well, you know the story," she said with a sigh. "I still sing during my classes and when I practice on my own, but no more public singing for me. At least for now," she shrugged.

Finn blushed when Rachel blushed. She was probably embarrassed with him complimenting her. Finn had a vague idea of what the speech was thanks to social media and people snapchatting it for him, and thought that Brody was a hell of campaign manager. "Maybe, heheh. Sam's the incucumber so he might win tho." Finn acknowledged. Brody did say incucumbers were hard to beat out in elections. Finn frowned when Rachel mentioned Blaine. "That dude sucks. Make your own club, Rach. You'd be fire." Finn said.

Rachel hummed. "Well, it might be different, considering all that's going on with Sam. I say you have a good shot," she said. She laughed when he said Blaine sucked. "He does. I don't know if I should start my own club. I kind of have a lot on my plate right now. It might not be the best idea," she said, looking down at her plate and pushing the food around with a plastic fork. "We'll see, I guess."

Finn felt Rachel's laughter and it was real nice. It made Finn sorta think that he actually had a shot in winning. "Thanks, Rach. You're awesome... and if Blane doesn't see that he needs to get glasses." A weird sadness came over Finn as he watched Rachel play with her food. It made his own appetite go. His throat felt scratchy. "Hey, you seem down... what's up?" He asked her, and carefully scooted next to Rachel.

Rachel couldn't help but give a small laugh at Finn's words. "Thank you. You're so sweet," she told him. She blushed a bit when Finn scooted closer to her and shook her head. "What? No. I'm not down. Why do you think I'm down?" she asked, trying not to sound like she was definitely down.

Finn felt his face get hot. Rachel looked cute up close, and he swore she had to be blushing. Unless he was reading too much into things and sh*t. But his heart was beating fast that he wasn't. "Cause you don't got that cute, uhm shiny look in your eyes. S'when I can... uhhh tell." He was speaking quietly and his head slowly went around Rachel's shoulder. He gave her an one armed hug. "Sorry people are being sh*tty to ya, Rach."

Rachel blushed deeper when she felt Finn's arm around her shoulder. It felt nice. She hadn't been this close to anyone since Mike, and especially with someone like Finn, it felt really good. She gave him an almost genuine smile. "Thank you, Finn. It's not just Blaine, though. There's some... family stuff going on. I don't even know. It's all been a lot to deal with, is all. I'll get through it, though."

Finn co*cked his head and wondered what he could do. To be honest he kinda didn't give a sh*t about a lot of people's drama. He had enough of that in high school, but something about Rachel frowning made Finn's chest heavy. He was sh*t with words but he really wanted to make Rachel feel better. He gave her shoulder a squeeze and tried to channel that feeling he felt during New Years. He wanted to send her a glimmer of hope, his way. Finn screwed his eyes tight and pursed his lips in concentration as he imagined sending a feeling of support. Rachel could do this. She could f*cking do anything!

Rachel immediately felt better when Finn squeezed her shoulder. She felt... almost hopeful. Though that was probably due to the fact that she had a huge crush on Finn and being this close to him was making her go crazy. She took a deep breath and let herself relax. Rachel knew this influx of good feeling probably came from Finn's empath powers, but she didn't care. She hadn't felt this relaxed in a while. Before she had time to think about it, Rachel leaned in and pressed her lips to Finn, trying to put any thoughts about her friend drama or her friend drama out of her head. "Oh my God. I'm so sorry," Rachel said, pulling back and covering her mouth. "Finn I'm sorry. I didn't... I wasn't thinking. Please don't hate me," she said, biting her lip.

Finn felt a sudden heatstroke coursing through his body. 'Holy f*ck what is that?' He thought to himself but before he could try to figure it out, Rachel kissed him. There was a huge sensation of want and to Finn, it felt so damn good for a second. Then came the guilt and regret that hit Finn like a truck. Were these Rachel's feelings? Was she regretting kissing him? Finn was speechless, trying to figure out what she was saying. She bit her lip, and Finn thought that was so hot, and he wanted to kiss her again... But Rachel's aura didn't feel okay for Finn to do that. In fact, Finn felt uncomfortable like he couldn't breathe and his stomach was twisting up. "Rach, what are you sayin'?" Finn chuckled, trying to play off that he was alright and not f*cking kicking himself inside. "I wouldn't hate ya." He got up slowly and frowned. She still didn't feel like she was alright. sh*t. It must be him. Finn was the one making her uncomfortable. Why wouldn't he too. He wasn't hot, smart, or had anything in common with Rachel. He was just a dumb frat boy like how everyone saw him. Rachel included. "I, I gotta go back to the booth. Breaks go you know." He said, really f*cking lamely. He hoped this would give Rachel a good exit at least. There was nothing wrong with her, just Finn making her feel bad. "I don't hate you so yea... yea... I'll see you 'round."

Rachel looked down, still unsure of what she'd actually just done. She... kissed Finn. What was she doing kissing Finn? She wasn't even sure if she was over Mike. Not to mention that he life was a complete mess at the moment. But... it felt nice to kiss Finn. Finn was warm, safe. He made her feel happy. But then Finn was standing up and leaving. "Wait, Finn! Don't go. I'm... I don't know what came over me. Please. I don't want this to make things awkward between us," she said, reaching to take his hand. "And... that was kind of a nice kiss, right?" she said with a small smile.

Finn froze. Rachel didn't know what had come over her. "sh*t, it must be me." Finn swore under his breath. Was his empathy bleeding into other people, making them feel what he was feeling? He did like Rachel a lot, she wasn't always knocking him down. He could feel that she didn't see him as a moron, which was rare. Even his friends felt that about him, and Finn just went with it. Cuz who would hang out with Finn if he complained about that. No one would give a damn about that. Finn felt his ears get really hot. Ah f*ck, there he went getting embarrassed and hopeful. "I'm sorry that things got awks, Rach." He gulped and looked at her cautiously. If she wanted him gone, Finn would f*cking bolt. She touched his hand though. Finn winced. 'No, don't touch me! I might see!' He thought. Finn didn't want Rachel to hate him, but curiously he didn't see any memories. He only saw her, adorably blushing, looking up at him. It felt alright. Finn felt his signature lopsided grin appear on his face. "Yea, it was." He said slowly, staring at her lips.

Rachel pulled her hand away when Finn winced when she touched him. But the she felt herself relax when Finn gave her that lopsided smile, and she felt her heart beat a little bit faster. "It was. Maybe... we could do it again sometime? And go out to eat?" she asked, standing up from the chair to be in front of Finn, even if she was still looking up at him. Why did she keep getting crushes on tall boys?

Finn smiled bigger and carefully tilted his head down. "Making out and eating are kinda the reasons why life's great, heh." Finn leaned down just enough to hug around Rachel's shoulder and head. Damn, girls just smelled so nice. How did they do that? He ended up nosing in her hair, and then stopped. sh*t. What was he doing? Rachel was too good for him. She didn't even know about the debt he owed, the mirror costs from Iceland... His feelings were also getting to him, did he just like her because they kissed and it was freaking awesome or did he like her like her? Finn rubbed the back of his head. He was gonna have to say it. "Yea, but uhm..." He quietly dropped his arm and put his hand into his pocket. "A later date, heh. When I don't gotta go uhm hug more people...."

Rachel blushed even deeper when she felt Finn nuzzle her hair. It felt so nice to be so affectionate with another person. She nodded at Finn's words. "A later date, yes. I'll call you," she said. She bit her lip and leaned up to kiss Finn, longer and deeper this time, trying to not be as nervous as the first time.

Finn kinda hoped she wouldn't call. He left a lot of girls hangin' and it would be fair if Rachel did that to him too. But she kissed him again. Finn's hands wrapped around Rachel's waist, tilting their faces so he could get comfortable kissing her. She was small and Finn didn't wanna strain her. He leaned down and gently worked his lips against hers, not deepening it unless she wanted him to. He pulled back from her, brushing away the strands of hair from her face, and already wanting to kiss her again. But he couldn't, not when one of his bros were whistling at him to get back to work.

By the time Finn pulled away from the kiss, Rachel felt breathless, but in a good way. It reminded her of the first time she'd kissed Mike. Not that she was thinking of Mike after she'd just kissed Finn. But it felt nice. She bit her lip and looked up at Finn, he cheeks flushing a little. "You should go back. I'll talk to you later, okay, Finn?" she said, kissing his cheek one more time. "Happy Valentine's Day," she added before grabbing her bag and skipping off. Maybe she was having an identity crisis, but all she could think of now was her kiss with Finn. Maybe it wouldn't be a totally horrible day after all.

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i see in blue and you see everything in red

title: i see in blue and you see everything in redpairing: baeksoolength: oneshot (3K+ w)rating: pg-13genre: angstwarnings: broken!baeksoo

Divorced Couple Shares Each Side Of Their Love Story

a/n: based on this video, this was word vomit written at like 1am so yeah please excuse any mistakes or whatever lol (sorry for the cliche ending but the whole thing’s kinda cliche so lolol)

aff / ao3 / ljor click keep reading

September 9, 2017

Divorced Couple Shares Each Side Of Their Love Story

“Can you guys start off by saying your name and age?”

“Do Kyungsoo, 34”

“Byun Baekhyun, 34”

What was your first impression?

Baekhyun’s side >>>>>

“We were in college, I worked at this one coffee shop near campus that everyone would go to and we’d have an open mic night every Friday. Kyungsoo was a friend of my coworker and he came in to sing something. I had seen him around campus once or twice, never really thought about him much since he was usually really quiet and kept to himself,” Baekhyun lightly laughed, “But when he started singing I was so shocked, he had such a beautiful and smooth voice and it completely swept me off my feet. I had been singing for a while too, but when I heard him that night I wished I had a voice like that.”

“I feel like he didn’t really like me when I first started talking to him, I’m not really subtle with my flirting so it probably scared him a little,” he chuckled, “but eventually, he gave into my charm and we really hit it off.”

Kyungsoo’s side <<<<<

“It was back in college. He worked in a coffee shop that my friend worked at and he had told me to come perform something for open mic night because I like to sing. I remember him coming up to be after the performance and I didn’t tell him this at the time, but I thought he was really cute. He looked so happy and excited to talk to me. The way his eyes lit up when he spoke about my singing was what attracted me to him, I think. He was so different from me, that’s what scared me I think. I knew I could fall for him easily, but I guess I didn’t really want to, cause I knew we were too different. He was really outgoing and made friends so easily, everyone loved him, I wasn’t like that. But I couldn’t say no to him and eventually we started going out.”

December 23, 2001

Baekhyun doesn’t know why he agreed to work today, he still has so much to do to prepare for Christmas. The shop is packed, he doesn’t know why everyone would want to spend the day before Christmas Eve at a small coffee shop, figures people would be hurrying to the stores to buy last minute gifts, but here they are. The bright side was that it’s extremely warm inside, despite the three feet of snow and the biting winter air outside. It’s open mic night again and Chanyeol’s been waiting for it all day, said he and his friend were suppose to perform something they had been practicing all week for, even brought his old guitar and everything.

~

Baekhyun recognizes Kyungsoo’s face from around campus. Those big eyes and thick lips were hard things to forget. They had never actually talked before, Kyungsoo was always alone whenever Baekhyun had seen him, always sitting under the shade of a tree with a book in his hand or sitting by himself at a table in the library. He’s the last person Baekhyun expected to walk through the doors of the shop that night.

“I didn’t know he could sing.”

Chanyeol pauses his ministrations of tuning his guitar to look up at the boy on the stage adjusting the mic. “Kyungsoo? Oh yeah he’s amazing, we always jam out together on the weekends.”

Baekhyun hums in acknowledgement, watching the other as he stood awkwardly on stage waiting for Chanyeol to come up.

~

Kyungsoo’s voice is warm, thick but smooth honey, Baekhyun thinks, warming him up better than the hot chocolate he had in his mug. The entire shop is quiet, everyone’s attention on the two on stage and it was Kyungsoo that captivated them all. Chanyeol was right, he was amazing. There’s a fluttery feeling in pit of Baekhyun’s stomach that he can’t quite ignore as he listens to the singer, his voice tickling it’s way down his spine, sending chills throughout his entire body. Maybe he’s being dramatic, Baekhyun thinks, but he was in love.

~

“Wow, Chanyeol was right, you’re amazing.” Baekhyun leans in closer so the other could hear him better over the chattering of everyone in the shop.

Baekhyun is all smiles and cute droopy eyes, Kyungsoo doesn’t think he’s ever seen him before, he was pretty sure he’d remember a face like that.

Kyungsoo smiles back, a light pink dusting at the apples of his cheeks. “Thanks.”

“Seriously, your voice is so nice. I’d marry it if I could,” Baekhyun chuckles, his eyes curving into little crescents and Kyungsoo thinks he wouldn’t mind waking up to those everyday.

Kyungsoo can’t stop the tingling feeling in the pit of the stomach as Baekhyun laughs. He forces himself to keep his eyes on the other’s eyes when he catches him glancing toward his pink lips, unconsciously smiling when noticing the little mole.

If it was for Baekhyun, Kyungsoo thinks maybe, he wouldn’t mind singing all night long.

Most embarrassing thing he’s done?

Kyungsoo’s side <<<<<

“Hmmm, there’s been a lot actually,” Kyungsoo gave the other a smile small, “The most memorable time I think is this one time when I visited him at work and I was just sitting there watching him make coffee and whatnot. He was chewing gum and trying to sing along to this song on the radio, he always does that he loves singing no matter where he’s at, and he accidentally swallowed his gum and started choking so of course I run to him trying to help him and then he finally spits it out and it lands into this customer’s coffee who was sitting at the bar in front of him.” He took a second to laugh to himself, earning him a curious smile from the other.

“It was so awkward and Baekhyun was so embarrassed but I couldn’t help but laugh. I would always tease about it, even now.”

What was the relationship like?

Baekhyun’s side >>>>>

“Well we’re really different from each other, I was more affectionate like physically. I’d always be the one to cling onto him while he was doing homework or something or wanting to kiss and hold hands in public and he was always more shy about it so when we first started dating I kinda thought like oh sh*t maybe he doesn’t like me as much as I like him, but then as time went on I just realized he wasn’t the kind of the person that showed love like that and I could still tell he loved me you know? He has something about him that made me feel safe and protected, even though he didn’t always say it, I could tell he loved me. Like whenever he called me from work to make sure I ate or the way he’d pull me closer whenever we walked on the sidewalk and cars were driving by fast. I just knew he really cared.”

Kyungsoo’s side <<<<<

“There’s never a dull moment with Baekhyun. He was something I didn’t know I needed in my life, he’s just this ball of energy that I never got tired of. My friends would always look at us and say ‘Wow Kyungsoo’s never gone out with someone like you before, you guys are like opposites’ We always thought it was funny, because it was true, but Baekhyun just a quality about him that made me feel different you know? In a good way, of course. He was just always there to remind me not to be so serious all the time and even though he loves to joke around he could tell when I was having a bad day even though I didn’t say it. He just always knew what to say and do. I’ve never had anyone like him before in my life.”

February 14, 2004

Kyungsoo comes home to a smoke filled apartment, he quickly dropped his belongings and runs inside to see what was going on. He finds his boyfriend running around the kitchen with a baking pan full of what looked to be burnt cookies, though he wasn’t sure.

“Baek, are you okay?” he asked, concern evident in his voice.

The other nearly drops the tray when he sees Kyungsoo, his eyes immediately welling up and before Kyungsoo could do anything, he drops the tray onto the counter and bursts into tears.

He quickly runs to his distressed boyfriend, taking him into his arms and holding in him tight. “Hey, hey what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“I-I wanted to surprise you with dinner since it’s V-Valentine’s day,” Baekhyun hiccups through sobs, “But I ruined everything and everything is burnt and Valentine’s day is ruined! I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done anything, now our kitchen is a mess and we don’t have dinner or anything. It was suppose be a special night.”

Kyungsoo sighs, an endearing smile on his face as he wipes the flour off the other’s cheek with his thumb before pressing a soft kiss onto his lips.

“Hey come on, stop crying it’s okay. Thanks for trying to surprise me, I really appreciate it.”

The other wipes his tear stained cheeks with his sleeves, lips pulled into a pout as he looks at his boyfriend. “Y-You do?”

Kyungsoo helps wipes away the tears running down his face and pulls his head into his chest. “Of course you idiot, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

>>>>>Both sides<<<<<

“It’s been so long since I’ve sat down and thought about all the good times we’ve had,” Baekhyun said, a small smile on his face.

“Yeah, it’s definitely...nostalgic, remembering all the dumb stuff you’ve done.”

A playful pout pulled at the other’s lips as he lifted up a leg to gently kick Kyungsoo’s shin.

“Yah you better not be telling them my embarrassing stories.”

“Too late.”

How did the relationship progress?

Kyungsoo’s side <<<<<

“I think for the first four years, we were still in like the honeymoon stage. Everything was good. We ended getting married right after college and I think it was just too fast and we were still too young and that was when things started getting rough.”

Baekhyun’s side >>>>>

“It was really good at first, we were like the typical perfect couple in romance movies,” he chuckled, “But then after we got married was probably when things got more complicated.”

“We were just too young and dumb I think,” he said with a sad smile on his face.

>>>>>Both sides<<<<<

“We definitely…weren’t ready for marriage,” Kyungsoo said.

Baekhyun lightly laughed, nodding his head. “Yeah I think we just rushed into it too fast especially since we had just graduated and we barely knew what the real world was like and we didn’t realize how hard it would be.”

“Yeah we were probably a little too naive, thinking that marriage was going to be this perfect, easy thing like it was in movies.”

How did it end?

Baekhyun’s side >>>>>

“Well the first couple years were fine, we were still living in our tiny apartment. But then we wanted to move out, get an actual house and everything was just a mess. Work started getting in the way of everything, we never really saw each other anymore. I always told him he was working too much and he’d always just brush me off, I knew he was working hard to support us but it was hard you know? I felt like we weren’t really in it together anymore.”

Kyungsoo’s side <<<<<

“Looking back it, I definitely think it was my fault. I was never really good at expressing my thoughts and feelings and when we hit the rough patch, the communication wasn’t there and now that I look back I put Baekhyun through a lot of pain that he didn’t deserve. Everyone always called us the perfect couple and we both knew we weren’t. I think the pressure to keep up this act being super in love and happy was just too much and I ended up working a lot to cope with it all and I was just never home anymore. Baekhyun had tried to talk to me so many times and I was just too stupid to make things work.”

>>>>>Both sides<<<<<

“It was really hard for me to get you to talk about what was going on,” Baekhyun explained, looking at the other in the eyes, “I felt like you never really wanted to acknowledge the problem I had to keep it in and deal with everything myself. I should’ve tried harder to fix things and I regret that the most.”

Kyungsoo slowly nodded as Baekhyun spoke, hands in his lap playing with the hem of his sweater.

October 13, 2009

“Maybe,” Baekhyun sighs, “Maybe this isn’t working anymore.”

The silence between them is almost suffocating.

It’s been a week since they’ve had dinner together, with every night ending with Baekhyun sitting alone at the dinner table waiting for Kyungsoo to come home so they could eat together and every night ending with him receiving a text informing him that husband wasn’t coming home that night. Things shouldn’t be like this, Baekhyun thinks, marriage shouldn’t be like this.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says quietly as he picks at his steak with his fork, “I know.”

How did you become friends again?

Baekhyun’s side <<<<<

“It was definitely awkward for a while,” he lightly laughed, “But we still had a lot of mutual friends and we started seeing each other more often and things slowly became better and we started talking more and actually became friends. We both liked music and singing so we bonded a lot over that.”

What’s it like now?

Kyungsoo’s side >>>>>

“It’s...good now, we’re definitely not the best of friends,” he joked, “But we talk normally when we see each other like old friends meeting up and it’s never awkward when we hang out with a group of friends.”

Is there something you’d like to tell him?

Baekhyun’s side <<<<<

“That I really value our friendship and I don’t ever regret marrying him even though things didn’t work out. He was the longest relationship I ever had and I’ll always cherish the memories we made together and that I’m glad he’s still in my life now.”

Kyungsoo’s side >>>>>

“That I should’ve treated him better. He the kindest person I’ve ever met and he didn’t deserve everything I put him through. I should’ve been there more, I should communicated better, I should’ve been the support he needed instead of being selfish and stupid and letting him deal with everything on his own. I should tried harder to fix things.”

May 24, 2015

“Hey isn’t that...?” Chanyeol points to the man wearing a blue sweater standing at the cash register waiting for his order to be taken.

Kyungsoo’s heart skips a beat at the sight of the other.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo breathes out, “Yeah.”

Baekhyun’s always loved that sweater, he would wear it all the time when they were still together. He forces himself to look away and turns his attention down at the mug in his hand. Chanyeol gives him an apologetic look, maybe he shouldn’t have pointed him out. “You gonna be okay?” Chanyeol asks, reaching across the table to give the other’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“It’s been years, of course I’m gonna be okay,” Kyungsoo lightly chuckles before taking a sip of his coffee.

“I know,” the other sighs, “But, maybe you should talk to him.”

“We do talk.”

“You know what I mean,” Chanyeol sighs, “You should tell him you still love him. It’s been years, both of have you grown and matured maybe it could work?”

Kyungsoo watches as Baekhyun takes his drinks from the barista with a smile and walks through the doors to meet up with a tall man waiting for him outside. He watches as Baekhyun smiles up at the man before stands up on his tippy toes to press a chaste kiss on the other’s lips. Kyungsoo tries his best to ignore the ache in his heart as he watches them walk away down the street, hand in hand, tries his best to keep a straight face even though he feels like throwing up.

“He’s happy now, Chanyeol. I don’t want to ruin that for him.”

Biggest regrets?

>>>>>Both sides<<<<<

“What I regret most...was probably not trying harder to get you to talk so we could work things out, I should’ve been better at vocalizing my thoughts,” Baekhyun said.

“For me, it was not treating you right, I should been a better husband. One that you deserved and needed.”

“Well damn, next time,” Baekhyun joked with a snap of his fingers.

They both laugh in their seats before giving each other a quick hug and thanking the interviewers and going their separate ways.

~

December 10, 2017

The shops’s packed today. It’s been so long since Kyungsoo’s been back here, back to where they first met. A strong wave of nostalgia hits him as he stands in line, looking around their old hangout spot. Not much has changed, he notes, the same old floral couch is still there and by the look of the sign on the wall it seems like they still do open mic nights, except they’re on Saturdays now.

“Hey, Kyungsoo?”

He whips his head around to the familiar voice.

“Oh, hey.”

Baekhyun is still all smiles and cute droopy eyes, even after sixteen years.

“What are you doing here?” Kyungsoo asks, he catches himself looking at Baekhyun’s lips and mentally curses himself.

“Getting coffee duh.” Baekhyun playfully rolls his eyes. Kyungsoo forgot how much misses Baekhyun’s sass and obnoxious, but cute personality.

“I mean back in the city, you idiot,” the other scoffs, “Didn’t you move?”

“Yeah but me and Sehun are visiting my parents for the whole month, you know, for Christmas and whatnot.”

Kyungsoo slightly tenses up at the mention of Sehun. “Right, right. How’s it going between you two?”

He doesn’t know why he asked, he really doesn’t want to know.

“We’re good, my mom keeps asking when we’re getting married but I’m not even sure if he wants to get married, not sure if he can deal with all this,” he jokes.

“He’d be lucky to married to a guy like you,” Kyungsoo says, trying his hardest to give the other a sincere a smile.

Baekhyun doesn’t hesitate to return it with a big smile of his own, Kyungsoo can feel his heart racing in his chest.

“Thanks, Kyungsoo.”

“Well I better get going, Sehun’s waiting for his hot chocolate, I swear he’s a kid,” Baekhyun laughs, “I’ll uhm see you around?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t want him to leave just yet, he doesn’t want him to go back home to Sehun, he wants them to pick off where they left off.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says, “See you around.”

But he knows that can’t happen.

The other gives him one final wave before slipping out the door and disappearing into the crowd of people on the street.

Maybe in their next life, Kyungsoo thinks, they could have their happy ending.

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january: new beginnings! to be honest, january always feels a little wack to me. maybe because of how there are no holidays but it’s still cold and rainy and you’re expected to be productive. but I do like the blank slate of a new year. maybe you think that’s bullsh*t but fresh starts are comforting to me. the first of every month sends a little thrill down my spine. january is for smoothie bowls, even though it’s cold.

february: also not crazy about february, because of the aforementioned cold, although there are a handful of warmer days thrown in, tempting you with the promise of spring. I kinda like valentine’s day even though I’ve never had a boyfriend. in college every year I’ve bought a big ass bag of lollipops from CVS and passed them out to friends and strangers alike. I feel like cupid. it’s fun. february is for candy, as a result.

march: march is just LOVELY. daylight saving time starts!! and the sun comes back till late!!! ARE YOU KIDDING??!?! I LIVE for that sh*t. march is usually kind of stressful for me, because I always start having a lot of stuff going on, but it’s invigorating! I have to make schedules and stick to them! and now it’s easier because my beautiful girlfriend the SUN is BACK! my dad and my little brother have birthdays, the first birthdays of the calendar year in my family. that’s always fun too. march is for artisan sandwiches, in my humble opinion. go to a hipster cafe and get a sandwich with weird delicious stuff on it.

april: I don’t know why, but I LOVE april. every year I have some weird dramatic exciting sh*t happen in april. plus the weather is fully in spring mode. I always feel like the year is finally coming into itself in april, like I know what the vibe is. once I graduate, I definitely want to start traveling in aprils. what a dream, seeing the whole world aglow with soft new light. april is for cookies. am I right?!

may: may is pretty solid. great weather, my older brother’s birthday. the end of the semester, although this is my last one (eek!). mays feel like sundays to me (so do augusts, for some reason). they’re a little lazy, a little nostalgic. the last two years I’ve traveled with my dad in may, to quirky cities--amsterdam last year and lisbon the year before. may seems like the time for long walks and sparkling wine.

june: june makes me sad. the gloom comes back to roost and I always feel restless. I need to start scheduling my junes, because otherwise they just pass me by without me doing anything. june feels itchy, like a sweater that looks good but every time you wear it you can’t wait to take it off. june is a rainy friday, things are good but an undercurrent of melancholy runs through that you can’t quite shake. june is about tacos and guacamole. don’t ask me why, just DO IT.

july: july is great! july is always productive for me, and I thrive in the full summer heat. I always exercise a lot in july. I cook more and enjoy all food more, lots of banana pancakes and green smoothies and colorful salads and ice cream cones. I lay outside and read, during long afternoons or late nights when the moon finally creeps all the way out. I can be persuaded to swim if I don’t have to stress too much about my hair. I usually see my friends after hibernating for a while.

august: augusts, as I said, sort of feel like sundays. perhaps this feeling will go away now that I don’t have to go back to school this august (WTF I’M NOT READY). by august the heat I loved in july has become oppressive. august is my mother’s birthday. august gives me anxiety up until then, when leo season is finally ending and my beloved virgo season makes her grand, always-punctual entrance. the end of august will always have that january energy for me, even though I won’t be in school anymore. in august I crave fresh tropical fruit, maybe because I can feel the season for it slipping away.

september: my birthday month! I love the first half of september, but then it just starts feeling endless. it’s supposed to be fall but it’s still hot as balls. september is for organizing and drinking lots of iced lattes and catching up with friends, old and new. september is for wacky co*cktails, too. I’m not sure why.

october: I love october! for some reason, crazy stuff always happens to me in october. I have come around to enjoying halloween. usually october in LA is still brutally hot, but we get a few cool days for good measure. those days I break out my sweaters and really soak in the possibility of a real autumn. october is about tea and baked goods.

november: november is another slightly sad month that I still enjoy. it finally cools down for real out here and I am once again overwhelmed by a sudden need for productivity, but I just kind of lean into it. if I haven’t gotten sick yet during the year, this is when it happens. I don’t actually like thanksgiving all that much, but I love my family, so I’m always glad we sit around eating together. november is for pizza, although pizza fits every season just fine.

december: recently december has become a somewhat climactic month for me, with twist endings for the year thrown in without much notice. december is for festive drinks from starbucks and for waffles, especially chocolate chip ones. december always naturally makes me quite contemplative. december asks the tough questions. did you do what you said you would do? does it matter? how are you different than you were a year ago? how are you better? not stronger-faster-smarter, but how are you kinder? how are you wiser? how are you a little easier on yourself?

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