#But like. I feel like a lot of things textually point to her being a blatant scapegoat | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs | Tumgik (2025)

first mistake is looking at random peoples' opinions on dream bbq but it's crazy to me how many people are like "wow ena must have done something REALLY bad to be reviled by almost everyone who meets her, and told she's basically the sole person not worthy of forgiveness in the world" as if there has never been a situation where someone is treated as uniquely unworthy of respect or love, or blamed for others' problems, despite having done literally nothing to "deserve" it

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ur all crazy for believing that Buck denying his feelings for Eddie means he doesn’t have feelings for Eddie.

I know this sounds counter intuitive. but I think if they were telling the audience that Buck loves Eddie as a friend, he would be reacting very differently to Eddie leaving.

in the context of the episode, buck spends the whole time talking about eddie and processing that eddie is gone. We saw the reactions eddies friends and collegues had to his departure, they are happy for him. buck cannot be.

Furthermore, so far in the season, his entire arc is losing Eddie. If the show was working towards buck and tommy getting back together, his feelings for tommy would have been raised at least once. instead, for the whole three episodes, buck is freaking out over Eddie leaving.

My point being, narratively speaking, buck’s arc is about Eddie, not about Tommy.

Now yes, buck and Tommy did hook up. But they hooked up in Eddie’s house, and 1/2 conversations we saw them have was about Eddie. Eddie looms like a fridged wife over their hook up and the narrative. and now we get to the denial.

The show is textually introducing the concept of Buck being in love with Eddie. This needs to be done because while a lot of fans are seeing the chemistry between the characters, there’s an epistemic gap that needs to be bridged to where the show itself can make their relationship into Plot.

We are starting thus, with their dynamic as codependent best friends. It would be boring to have Buck wake up one morning and simply come to the conclusion that he is in love with Eddie. This realisation has to come from a level of conflict in the story. Buck has to change in some way, grow or evolve in order to reach this conclusion. So, this episode was the set up to begin that growth. The idea of him being in love with Eddie is introduced, and he vehemently denies it.

BUT the denial is rather weak.

“You live in his house” - “it’s not his house, he’s a renter”

“You have feelings for him” - “he’s straight, plus I don’t have to sleep with everyone I have feelings for.”

In the scene with Tommy, he doesn’t even say that he’s not in love with Eddie, he is flustered, gives excuses, then lashes out because the conversation is uncomfortable.

In the grander scheme, the textual confirmation that Tommy broke up with Buck because he saw Eddie as competition adds more credence to Buck and Eddie being the end game couple here, not Buck and Tommy. We don’t see any of Tommy’s interior world, his thoughts or feelings. If this was about Tommy’s insecurities, it would be established that way. When it is raised in this latest episode, Buck would have gone “no girl, I don’t like him I liked you, why did u break up with me over that?” And we would get a scene of them deepening their bond and discussing their insecurities.

Instead, Buck lashes out in discomfort, pushes Tommy away again, and then goes to Maddie. His main take away from his conversation with Tommy is him being in love with Eddie. If it was about Tommy, the conversation would focus on how Buck hurt Tommy, how he feels guilty and needs to make amends. While this does come up, the focus of the conversation is the Eddie thing. Again, Buck denies his feelings, using Eddie’s heterosexuality as a shield. Maddies reaction here is more interesting to me. Her calling into question Buck’s feelings towards Eddie, as someone close to Buck, is confirmation to me that buck is not a reliable narrator of his own emotions at the moment. She has seen his journey to discovering his sexuality, and understands that he is sometimes clueless to the obvious things in front of him. Her calmly calling into question how he feels is the first time he is given space to consider this reality.

Once again, if it was about Tommy, the Eddie thing would be discussed as something Tommy said, why he might think that. But the main focus is on whether Buck is in love with Eddie or not.

On a separate note, Buck is baking again. He’s not baking over his break up with Tommy, he’s baking over his loss of Eddie. This parallel, showing bucks feelings for Tommy as equivalent to his feelings for Eddie, by showing him coping with their loss in the same way, is honest to god textual evidence that buddie is going canon. Yes it’s a small detail but I think an important one.

Buck isn’t even aware that he’s doing it, he’s absentmindedly baking from the moment Eddie leaving becomes real. Much like he’s unaware of how he feels about Eddie. He’s coping the same way out of instinct.

While his words speak to one reality, his actions speak to another. There is a very clear line being drawn between how Buck is reacting to Eddie leaving, and how everyone else is feeling. Textually introducing Buck being in love with Eddie with a denial of this does not necessitate Buck not being in love with Eddie. It speaks to an arc beginning. If the arc was Buck and Tommy being getting back together, Buck would be focused on their hook up and conversation, not on whether he’s hypothetically in love with his straight best friend.

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What are some good RPGs that would say are good examples of being queer?

Sorry it took me a while to reply to this!

Anyway, my favorite capital Q Queer RPGs are Monsterhearts and Dungeon Bitches. Monsterhearts is the subtler of the two, being basically a game about playing a CW style teen drama with monsters that is basically a genre mashup of Vampire Diaries, Ginger Snaps, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Jennifer's Body. The queerness is very much textual but it's more so thematic and symbolic. The game's themes are queerness and adolescence and growing up, the vehicle it uses to explore those themes is monsters, because queer teens often get made to feel monstrous for having feelings and desires that fall outside of the norm.

Dungeon Bitches by @cavegirlpoems on the other hand is much more explicit about its queerness, in the sense that the queerness is also explicitly and unambiguously written into the fiction of the game. It is a game that is very much grounded in the dungeon-crawling genre of fantasy but that asks the question of "what kind of people would actually get into the dungeon-crawling life" and answers that with "people who are otherwise marginalized in so-called civilized society, especially queer women." It's very much a game that uses the dungeon crawling lifestyle to present a dialectic between the "safety" offered by the closet and normative society, and the precariousness and danger and the undeniable thrill of living as your true self. It's a game that is resonant to me not only as a fan of dungeon crawl type games but also as a trans woman making her first small steps towards transition. It's a fucked up game for fucked up dolls.

There are plenty of other queer games too, including Thirsty Sword Lesbians, Queerz, Girl by Moonlight, Dream Askew, and many many more. I think Thirsty Sword Lesbians is the most well-known and I do own it and at the end of the day it kind of leaves me cold. It feels like it's trying to play things a bit too safe and at the same time I feel its politics of identity are just messy.

Anyway, this is something I've been thinking of for a while, but since I've been thinking a lot about queer games not only in terms of "does it have the Gay" but also in terms of "does it thematically intersect with questions of queerness," I have to mention Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy by @anim-ttrpgs.

So okay having been involved in the community surrounding Eureka for a while there is something about that game that appeals to LGBTQ folks, especially trans women. Now, Eureka has of course been written primarily from the point of view of disability: the main writer is disabled and the game makes it explicit that many of the supernatural elements, including the monster investigator types, are symbolic of the experiences of the disabled. But because the experiences of marginalized groups tend to intersect a lot, many queer folks also end up seeing themselves there. Vampires in Eureka are written very much from a Christian folkloric point of view so that many Christians may see them as inherently anathema even while they may still maintain their faith; something that many queer Christians may resonate with. Similarly, one of the monster types, the Thing from Beyond, is all about being an alien shape shifter trying to navigate a society that is ultimately scary and alien to them. There's also Living Dolls up in that thang!!!

There is more to Eureka that makes it appeal to many queer readers, but the main thing is this: it is written from a point of view that is ultimately empathetic of the "freaks" and outcasts. And while it does approach these topics from the point of view of disability, it is also very open to queer readings.

And this is sort of a source of gentle ribbing within the Eureka community: that the lead writer ends up writing stuff that resonates deeply with his friends and fans of the game, a significant number of whom happen to be trans women, and that this has to be pointed out to him constantly. It's really sweet and funny. (Fun anecdote: when I first came out as a trans woman he approached me in my DMs asking "So you're a chick now?" followed by a 👍 emoji.)

And I think that's a fun contrast. Many games that ultimately do not touch upon queerness in any meaningful way in their themes or gameplay will still get lauded as queer because they will use identity as a coat of paint or a part of their marketing. And at the same time someone writing candidly about their experiences of living with disability via metaphor may end up accidentally writing something that actually resonates with the lived experiences of queer people.

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Snape’s home life

These endless debates about the Blacks’ abuse (whether it existed or how severe it was) are interesting because you know which character we actually have no evidence of being abused by a parent, and especially not physically? Severus Snape.

(Which, for the record, I personally think he was, but I’m just trying to make A Point about fandom interpretations of abuse).

There was apparently a Pottermore article saying Tobias whipped Snape, but that’s completely extracanon, and iirc the article wasn’t even written by JKR. This is what is in actual canon:

Snape staggered; his wand flew upward, away from Harry — and suddenly Harry’s mind was teeming with memories that were not his — a hook-nosed man was shouting at a cowering woman, while a small dark-haired boy cried in a corner.... A greasy-haired teenager sat alone in a dark bedroom, pointing his wand at the ceiling, shooting down flies.... (OoTP)

This is his dad verbally abusing his mother while Eileen cowers, and Snape cries watching them.

“How are things at your house?” Lily asked. A little crease appeared between his eyes. “Fine,” he said. “They’re not arguing anymore?” “Oh yes, they’re arguing,” said Snape. He picked up a fistful of leaves and began tearing them apart, apparently unaware of what he was doing. “But it won’t be that long and I’ll be gone.” “Doesn’t your dad like magic?” “He doesn’t like anything, much,” said Snape. (DH)

Here again, the focus is on the conflict and fighting between his parents rather than Tobias’s treatment of Snape.

Snape’s response and agitation here certainly indicates a bad home life - but witnessing your father constantly scream at your mother is still extremely scary and traumatizing. And would lead to the child feeling unsafe in the household, regardless of if it was directed towards him. Correct me if I'm wrong, but these are the only canonical allusions to Tobias's abuse that we have. (I suppose Snape's hatred of Muggles is another, but that could happen with far less severe abuse too - i.e. with Tom Riddle).

But there is no confirmation that Tobias’s abuse extended to Snape. (And we don’t even have evidence of Tobias physically abusing Eileen, much less Snape.) “He doesn’t like anything much” does indicate a bad relationship between Severus and Tobias too, but the actual severity of it is ambiguous. And it’s not always necessary that the abuse is inflicted on both spouse and child, and we have a very glaring example of this in canon - Barty Crouch Jr.

Crouch was abusive to and hated his son but deeply loved his wife. We have Barty Jr. saying “He loved her as he never loved me”, Crouch Sr. risking his job and reputation and even the possibility of being sent to Azkaban himself to give Mrs. Crouch her dying wish of freeing Barty Jr., Winky’s ability to guilt trip Crouch Sr. into letting his son attend the Quidditch match using his love for Mrs. Crouch, etc. We even have Mrs. Crouch crying as she witnesses her husband’s cruelty towards her son, just like Snape was crying while he witnessed Tobias abuse Eileen.

While Lily asks "doesn't your dad like magic?", Snape doesn't really confirm that as being true; magic clearly wasn’t banned in the house the way it was for Harry (due to the Dursleys’ hatred of it as much as the Statute), since Snape came into Hogwarts knowing a lot of magic, and it seems like Eileen had taught Snape a lot about the wizarding world as a child, and we see him use it to shoot down flies in his bedroom.

And “He doesn’t like anything much” is MUCH tamer and much less violent of a statement than “My mother had no heart, she kept herself alive out of pure spite”, “How she hated him, what a disappointment he was”, everything Walburga’s portrait says, the abuse getting to the point that Sirius ran away and then was blasted off the tapestry, Walburga blasting her brother off the tapestry for merely helping Sirius financially, Walburga being textually compared to Umbridge, Walburga’s portrait stretching clawed hands as though to tear at people’s faces (a clear allusion to physical violence), etc etc. We have MUCH more detail about the Blacks’ abuse than Snape’s.

So where exactly are y’all getting “Snape’s abuse was worse than Sirius’s/Tobias beat Severus/Tobias was physically abusive and Walburga and Orion weren’t/Walburga and Orion were better parents than Tobias, etc” from? Because it sure as hell isn’t canon!

As I said, I personally view Snape and Eileen as being physically abused by Tobias and think it’s implied in the text, but this shows the double standards for Snape vs. Sirius / view of the Black family as a whole.

(And this matches fandom's constant tendency to portray privilege and abuse as mutually exclusive, and framing severe domestic violence as Something Only Poor People Do And Aristocrats Would Never Because They're Above That. This is not the hot anti aristocracy take that y'all seem to think it is, lmao)

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i saw this post on twitter and it got me thinking about the contradictory ways rtd2 has handled the concept of nostalgia.

on the one hand, 'wish world' presents a compelling critique of reactionary nostalgia for an imagined past. we are presented with the conservative ideal of family life. the doctor and belinda are married and almost sickeningly in love. they have a child and wake up every morning to conrad reading them a story, rather like a televised version of 'listen with mother' which was also the inspiration for 'the idiot's lantern'. they live in a row of identical suburban houses and the doctor goes to work in a pinstripe suit and bowler (the stereotypical uniform of a 20th century british businessman). meanwhile, the streets of london are prowled by walking dinosaur bones (literal fossils from a bygone age).

yet this vision of reality is shown to be fundamentally fake and superficial. as the rani said, 'its full of mistakes and it cannot sustain itself'. belinda can't remember the birth of her supposed daughter. the doctor can't suppress his attraction to ibrahim and rogue. disabled people still exist at the fringes of society unable to be seen by conrad. this kind of society cannot exist and never has. contradictions fray away at the edges (and are indeed the very point both figuratively and narratively). now this portrayal isn't without flaws. for a fascist's wet dream conrad's wish world is weirdly unracialised. they could have done a lot better by having the doctor and belinda live in a segregated neighbourhood and the doctor being clearly subordinate at work to his white colleagues even if the plot demanded he be part of the simulation. nevertheless, 'wish world' is still an attempt to criticise the concept of nostalgia.

this in almost total contrast with the way the rtd2 era has treated nostalgia for the show itself, where there has been almost rampatant indulgence. in the anniversary specials, not only was david tennant brought back as a mainline doctor, but the entire concept of regeneration (central to the show's mythology and textual worldview) was altered to allow him to live a happy life with the noble family. contrast this with the way 11's attempt at finding a similar family life with the ponds was ultimately doomed. old villains feel like they're brought back just for the hell of it with no regard to their characterisation. both sutekh and omega seemingly exist for nothing but nostalgia for fans who remember characters that rarely appeared in classic who and got more development in the eu. omega also detracts from the rani's role as the main antagonist. contrastingly, the master's return in series 3 was justified because he is a fairly well known classic villain and because of the complexity of his relationship with the doctor, which the show immediately develops further on. neither sutekh nor omega nor the rani could be said to possess any of these things. indeed, rtd has seemingly had to invent a past for the rani as the doctor's former lover (which, bleugh thoschei forever) in order to give her some kind of depth (though she could be lying to increase the doctor's doubt which would actually be in character).

it seems that doctor who has become the kind of show obsessed with its own lore. we saw this in the chibnall era with the timeless child. and now in rtd2 we have promises of revamping gallifreyan lore (note one of conrad's books is titled doctor who and the timeless children). i don't think any of this is healthy. fannish nostalgia like this is poison to the quality and artistry of any kind of narrative media and should be destroyed.

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So the AA Fandom has no shortage of jokes about how our favorite Anime Laywers generally prioritize stuff like the Power of Friendship above more mundane concerns like 'getting paid for doing their job' but...seriously now, how often do they actually get paid for lawyering?

Well, welcome to...

The Big Overview of WAA Lawyers and Actually Getting Paid!!

The vast majority of AA Cases do not discuss payments for legal services explictly, so I will be Ranking how probable I feel it is the Lawyers got Paid. With a 0 standing for 'explictly and unambigiously did not get paid' and 1 standing for 'explictly and unambigiously did get paid'

The First Turnabout

That's an easy one, it is actually explicitly mentioned that no, Larry did not pay Phoenix for his services as a Lawyer.

And so, my first trial came to a close. Larry slapped me on the back and said, "Gee, Nick, it's good to have friends!" But I'm pretty sure he's not going to pay us. Unless you count the clock he gave Mia.

Which is brought up again months later during 'Turnabout Goodbyes'

Butz: Whoa… Nick. S-so, is that why you helped me out for free? Phoenix: Uh… yes. I helped you because I believed in you. (Except I don't remember saying I'd do it for free…)

So Phoenix expected and wanted to get paid, but he’s just, like, not assertive enough to get his money off Larry. And thus a long legacy of Not Getting Money was born!

Probability of Getting Paid: 0

Turnabout Sisters

Okay, so the subject of money does not come up directly in ‘Turnabout Sisters’ but like… Maya does not seem to have a lot of liquid funds on her at this point. For most of the games she generally relays on Phoenix to pay for things for her. At best right now she is semi-dependent on Morgan for cash - and considering her motivations, she probably came out with some excuse like ‘oooh Mystic Maya must prove her independence in such a dire situation or something, the whole Fey Family is broke we can’t afford to give you any more money I feel so bad ooooh’.

So I think if Phoenix got paid for defending her that was mostly a token symbolic gesture of gratitude more than actually anything that’ll help him pay the rent. And obviously Phoenix wouldn’t gain anything if he paid himself for that second trial of the case lol

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.1

Turnabout Samurai

Okay, so this is the first case where I think it is more likely than not Phoenix Actually Got Paid. There’s nothing textual, but I think with the implications of Phoenix starting the case fretting overhow to pay the rent:

Phoenix: A month has passed since my trial. Mia's murder was the talk of the town for some time… But no one paid any attention to the Wright & Co. Law Offices… How am I going to pay the rent this month? Maya: It'll be okay. I'm sure some big client is just around the corner! Phoenix: Hmph.

And THEN his new Client is Will Powers who is:

a fairly sucessful actor whose life and career seems to be unglamorous but financially stable.

the first cilent Phoenix has who isn't a friend, a relative-of-a-friend or Literally Himself

generally just a really nice and wholesome guy.

It seems pretty likely to me that Phoenix and Maya got paid for this one!

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.8

Turnabout Goodbyes

OKAY so, I've seen folks say that Phoenix would've probably done this for free cause he sees this whole thing as repaying a debt for Being Nice to Him in Fourth Grade because as we all know, Phoenix is a Certified Ridiculous Human Being.

Phoenix: This is my chance to finally pay you back. Maya: Pay him back…? Edgeworth: Pay me back? For what? I don't remember ever doing anything for you. Phoenix: Never mind… I guess you don't really need to know.

Buuuuut... Larry at the time was also part of that Class Trial Bestie Pact and Phoenix did expect him to pay I mean Larry is not the Love of His Life but still.

And more important, this case ALSO established that Miles has a problem expressing gratitude and overcompensate using financial gifts.

Phoenix: Thank you. Oh, wait! Umm… I was wondering, how much is bail going to be? Gumshoe: Don't worry about that. Mr. Edgeworth is posting the whole amount. Phoenix: What? Edgeworth…? Gumshoe: Didn't I tell you? He's grateful to her for what she did. Alright, pal. Well don't forget to go pick her up, okay? Phoenix: (Hmm… Maybe I can get Edgeworth to pay this month's rent, too…)

So I feel, like, regardless of what Phoenix wanted - at the end of this trial - Miles IS going to make sure he is GETTING PAID. Dude was probably shoving checks into his mailbox like a full month after the trial concluded.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.9

Rise from the Ashes

So... the person who initially hires Phoenix to the case is Ema Skye, a 16 year old girl whose main funds are her allowance. And Phoenix was kinda willfully ignoring his financial situation at the start and only took this case for sentimental reasons. (just more evidence that Miles was STILL sending him payments for 'Goodbyes' lol)

It's been two months since Maya left the office… Two months without a single trial. I've had offers… But none I took. That is… until the day that girl showed up.

However he does get 'formally requested' by her probably-well-off-considering-prosecutors-in-this-series older sister shortly thereafter.

Lana: … Mr. Wright? Phoenix: Y-yes? Lana: I believe our discussion here is ended. The rest… I leave to you. Phoenix: …! Um… you mean, you're requesting my services as your defense? Lana: Don't lose any sleep over it. Your client has confessed, after all. The case is over. Phoenix: Right… I'll do what I can to get to the bottom of this. Lana: …

And after a very long and harrowing journey of being in-conflict with his own client, Lana did end up being very grateful for what he did. And again, this case espacially emphasizes that 'prosecutors make the big bucks' - so she had both the means and will to pay him.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.6

The Lost Turnabout

Alrighty, so, Maggey is generally a nice girl and also a fangirl of Phoenix Wright and that gives her an incentive to support him financially...

Actually, I really love to watch court proceedings, and I always root for you to win! When I'm off duty, I like to come here and…

But with how unlucky she is, that might imply that she could have Money Troubles. Although on the other hand she at least has a stable job at the moment... But on the other OTHER hand she does mention how all the other lawyers 'laughed her off'

Just when I thought all hope was lost; when all the other lawyers had laughed me off… "Leave it to me!" you said! You! The one and only Phoenix Wright came to save the day! And just like that, I was moved to tears, sir! I'll never forget what you're doing for me, EVER!

Which usually I wouldn't note as a financial thing. Usually when an AA Defendant is like 'oooh I have no one else to turn too, all the other lawyers turned me down......" this is because the case is considered too impossible to win or Unbearably Wacky (or some sort of conspiracy like with Maya in 'Sisters'). But, like, this is a Tutorial Case. Phoenix won that one with Fucking Amnesia. The 'impossibility' of the case was not the issue, so, yeah, it might legitimately be the money?

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.4

Reunion, and Turnabout

It's Maya Murder Trial Time Again! Pretty much the same as before with the two added factors being:

Maya is now officially employed in the Wright & Co. Law Offices during the duration of the trial.

AFTER the Trial, when Morgan is like, in jail - Maya might have a bit more acess to her family funds. Although they are established to Not Be Doing Well Financially in general....

A piece of cloth with a ton of finely-written characters jammed onto it. Probably esoteric knowledge only mediums should know. …Hmm, let's see… Here's one in English… It says… "100 Ways to Save Money". … Being a medium sounds like a rough way of life…

I think all in all these kinda even out to the same Chances of Getting Paid at last time??

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.1

Turnabout Big Top

So if you ever start discussing how pointless the AA 'middle cases' are - just remember this one crucial detail; they are the most reliable way Phoenix Wright gets food on his plate! We once again have a stranger (that Phoenix won't feel obligated to defend for free) that is very explictly Fabulously Wealthy.

He's not as nicey-nice as Will Powers is but I feel like paying Phoenix's legal fees is not something Max will bet an eye at.

Phoenix: It's a table for guests… There are some papers scattered on top. Maya: Ah! Look at this! Max's salary is written on this piece of paper. YIKES! Phoenix: W-What is it? Maya: I didn't know a magician… This salary is incredible! Phoenix: (She looks like she's about ready to pass out from shock…) How much is it!? How much is it!? T-T-THAT MUCH!? Maya: Incredible, huh? Phoenix: You can say that again.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.7

Farewell, My Turnabout

Okay so this is the Big One. This one’s a really complicated one to determine.

Let’s just get the first thing out of the way, the fact that Phoenix “”lost”” the case does not matter one way or another. Criminal Defense Lawyers, as a general rule, do not work on aContingency Fee Basis. That means they are paid regardless of the result of the trial. So if this was a normal trial, Phoenix would probably be paid.

But this was not a normal trial, was it?

Phoenix was FORCED to work as a Defense Attorney due to a KIDNAPPER. And, like, my first instinct is ‘if you are already forcing someone to work via criminal means, why the hell would you also pay them??’

Buuuuut….. This is MY instinct, not the instinct of goddam Shelly De Killer.

Since Shelly’s whole thing is being the Honorable Assassin, and he has some level of respect towards Phoenix as like a Fellow Professional. I can see him thinking maybe wanting Phoenix to get paid for the work he is Coercing Him To Do Under Threat of Murdering His Best Friend for the sake of Honor.

But also also, Phoenix’s terms are not officially with De Killer, it’s with This Asshole!

And Matt Engarde is absolutely the kind of guy to casually take advantage of Phoenix’s frantic ‘please please just let me be your lawyer or my Friend is gonna Die!’ thing where, like, obviously getting paid is NOT gonna cross through Phoenix’s head atm in order to not pay/severely underpay the guy even though he can obviously afford it.

All in all, things are not looking good for this case’s probability, which is a shame considering how it ends.

Powers: Um, anyway… So, who's paying for this lovely dinner party? Maya: As if you need to ask! Everyone say, "Thank you" to Nick! Phoenix: Huh? Gumshoe: Ah, yeah… I'm kinda at the point where I can't even buy instant noodles, pal. So I kinda already put your name on the bill.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.3

Turnabout Memories

First time covering a Lawyer that’s not Phoenix!

Now, Mia’s client in this case is a college student who probably doesn't have tons of personal funds, and considering her own motivations for taking on the case she probably would’ve done it for free but…

At the time she was employed at the Grossberg Law Offices, and Phoenix hired just the office in general and then Mia took over the case just last night.

Grossberg: Still, you surprised me… What, with your earnest request last night… "Let me handle this case!" you suddenly said. And quite forcefully, too! Mia: I just found out yesterday. About the case, I mean.

So... really this is just the Vibes I get from the Grossberg Law Offices, being generally the more professional and by-the-book law offices compared to the utter chaotic energy of Wright and Co, that makes me assume that they usually reliably charge their clients and pay their lawyers.

There’s some evidence further down the line (which we’ll get to soon) that some of their lawyers do some pro-bono work - but I dunno if Phoenix’s case was extreme enough to necessitate that (I mean he might be a broke college student but his family would probably help him with the legal funds although that assumes they even exist) . So my assumption is that Mia probably did get paid. Probably?

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.75

The Stolen Turnabout

So, Ron DeLite used to really financially struggle to keep up with his wife’s shopaholic habits - but that seems to have stabilized ever since his ‘benefactor’ showed up. So I’d assume he still has some funds left to pay his lawyer. I mean I guess it won’t be totally implausible if Desiree did manage to blow through them all…. Or maybe being a a high-spending shopaholic means that she’d want to pay extravagantly for her lawyer as well?

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.7

Recipe for Turnabout

It’s Maggey again! And now she’s:

Closer to a friend, or at least a friend-of-friend. Rather than Just Another Client.

Is probably in a more dire financial state than before, on account of being unemployed and also in jail for the last two months.

Also being a waitress isn’t that prestigious a job anyways

And if anyone is gonna help her cover her legal fees it could only be Gumshoe which… does not bode well to anyone involved!

Pissed at Phoenix cause it took her some time to realize that no, that guy who got her found guilty two months ago is not him

So basically everything that changed since her last trial makes it less likely that Phoenix charged for his legal services.I'm sure she'd try her best by the end, but Phoenix might just wave it off to save everyone a headache.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.3

Turnabout Beginnings

So first things first I want to reiterate that Criminal Defense Attorneys generally get paid regardless of if they ‘win’ and while I couldn’t find any concrete statements about the matter - I believe they get paid even if their clients die mid-trial??? I mean, the legal fees just get added to their posthumous debts? So the lawyer would hypothetically be able to claim their due payment from the deceased’s remaining funds and possessions. If they wanted to, that is…

Cause, well, this is why I said the Grossberg Law Offices might do some pro-bono cases. Terry Fawles was, like, a part-time tutor who has been incarcerated for the last five years. If he has any family or friends outside that could help him with his legal fees, he never mentions them.

So I’m really not sure if he bought Mia services or if she volunteered to do this pro-bono after hearing he had no options for legal representations out of concern for, like, prisoners rights.

And even if he was supposed to pay Mia for her service, after the grim ending of the case - I’m not sure if she would’ve even tried to pursue getting her legal fees from Fawles’ posthumously/from his next of kin. From how deeply traumatized she was by that trial, I think that would’ve only made her feel worse about the whole situation.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.05

Bridge to the Turnabout

Iris is a nun from a small temple that is mentioned to not-be-doing-so-hot (cause it’s tied with the Kurain Channeling Technique and it’s been on a downturn since DL-6), but she does have at least enough personal funds to have her own cell-phone and occasionally go into town. So it’s not a lot, but I think it’s enough to get Phoenix at least a a symbolic token-of-gratitude payment.

Also, it might be possible Phoenix will wave off the fees due to the Personal Connection to the case. You know, he was doing this primarily to Uncover the Truth and get some personal closure for the Dahlia mess.... Or maybe not, cause he did still get paid (or tried to get paid, or forced to get paid) to save his two Fourth-Grade-Life-Debt Childhood Best Friends in court?

(And I do mean just Phoenix, Miles probably would never charge for his services as ‘acting defense attorney’, we don’t need that farce to get any farcier)

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.3

Turnabout Trump

Now this is a complicated one, let us list the factors here one-by-one:

1. As per Apollo’s comment in the next episode, the Gavin Law Offices probably operated strictly quid pro quo.

(Good-bye, quid pro quo. Hello pro bono. sigh)

2. Phoenix is supposedly friends with the boss of the Agency. And in reality, Kritoph Gavin has a very VERY vested interest in making sure the trial goes According to Plan. Incentivising him to at least give Phoenix a discount.

3. Phoenix is also not doing that great financially right now.

4. Oh right, that entire law agency disbanded once the boss got arrested at the end of the trial!

…Speaking of which, I may be out of a job. I work for Gavin Law Offices, after all. (I still can't believe I just saw Mr. Gavin get led away in handcuffs…)

I think it is most likely that Phoenix got some sort of “”Friend”” Discount from Kristoph. But I really don’t know what happens if an entire law firm gets disbanded right after the trial cause the owner got arrested as a result of it. It probably depends on whether Phoenix was in agreement with the Gavin Law Offices who then assigned Apollo on the case or if Phoenix had an agreement with Apollo directly.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.5

Turnabout Corner

Oh hey, look! Another rare case of an Ace Attorney that actually discusses the issue of money directly!

Well, I mean we know how much Apollo got paid for solving the case of Phoenix’s accident and Trucy’s panties (nothing) and for solving Eldoon’s Noodle Cart Theft (a free bowl of ramen). We don’t see them directly discuss the subject of payment regarding Apollo’s Actual Job…

Apollo: Your request… let me guess, something's been stolen? Alita: Um, your flyer… It says "now defending" so I thought… Apollo: Whaaaat!? You mean, you mean you want me to defend you? Me? Trucy: Maybe you can tell us what happened? Were you hit by a car? Did someone steal your stand? Or your panties? Alita: No! No… I'm not the client, actually. The client would be my… well, my fiancé, I suppose you'd call him. Apollo: Fiancé…? What happened to him, then? Alita: He was arrested this morning. The charge… was murder.

But as he was complaining before about not only being pigeonholed as some sort of a detective, but also not getting paid for anything…

Um… I was wondering when I get paid? We solved the case of your accident, and um, found a missing article of clothing.

And then getting this job and being so happy about it...

Trucy: Polly! You look as happy as a clam in its shell. Apollo: For a lawyer this is it, the place where the battle begins!

Implies that He’s Getting Paid - just as much as with Phoenix’s rent stuff in ‘Turnabout Samurai’ if not more.

Also, I don’t think the fact that the person who hired him wanted him to fail and is now going to prison is a factor here.

As I already mentioned, Defense Attorneys get paid regardless of the outcome of a trial and logically that would apply both when they lose and when they win. Plus, I am pretty sure Alita filed her request officially through Wocky’s name or the Kitaki family in general and they were obviously very grateful for what Apollo did, and they had both the wins and wills to pay him.

So let’s give a big round of applause for Apollo Justice, the WAA Lawyer most likely to get paid!

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.99

Turnabout Serenade

These kind of showbiz-focused Middle Cases are generally pretty good for Getting Paid Probabilities, but this case is a bit more complicated.

Cause the plot of this case hinges on Machi being so desperate for money that he was willing to risk death via cocoon smuggling,

Situation… I cannot explain. But money. I needed. Very much money.

That doesn’t necessarily mean he was unable to afford a lawyer - without details of why exactly he needed that Sweet, Sweet Cocoon Money we can’t be sure. But it’s plausible that hiring Apollo was not out of his price range but he was desperate for something far more expensive.

Considering his young age and… you know, until the final day of the trial he pretended to not understand a word of English, it’s also possible hiring Apollo was a matter handled by Lamirior and/or the duo’s agency. Both of which will probably feel committed to Actually Paying, each from their own angle.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.7

Turnabout Succession

Now, HERE’S a complicated one!

Going generally over the usual stuff, Vera is a pretty nice person and she’s clearly gratefulfor what Apollo and Trucy did for her. And while the Misham Family was driven into forgeries by financial desperation, at the present-time they seem stable enough that Vera could at least afford the rates of the WAA. If this was just another case, it’ll get like a solid 0.7 at minimum. Pretty typical stuff by now.

But this isn’t just one more ordinary case. This a weird sort of ‘Test Trial’ for the Jurist System with every factor - including the Defendant and the Attorney - arranged by Phoenix’s weird little committee.

Well, for one, I'll be chair of the Jurist System Simulated Court Committee. The chair constructs the ideal situation… choosing the case, the jurist candidates… …even the judge and the courtroom.

Apollo: So… what kind of case is the trial simulation about? Phoenix: Well, since it is the first run through of a new system, I wanted something simple. Trucy: Good thinking! No sense wearing yourself out on something too serious! Phoenix: True. The case is a murder. Apollo: That's not simple at all!! Trucy: By "simple", did you mean that the defendant is… Phoenix: …Guilty. Yes. Most likely. …So, good luck, Apollo. Apollo: Um… with what? Phoenix: With the trial tomorrow. You're defending, of course. Recall that I said it had something to do with you.

So I guess the question here, did Phoenix basically make Vera officially hire Apollo? Did the committee hire Apollo and they’re the one paying him? Is this another case of Phoenix trolling Apollo into doing Free Volunteer Work for him?

Honestly I wouldn’t put that past the AA4 version of Phoenix..............but also if he did that I doubt he would’ve missed a chance to crack a joke at Apollo’s expense about that.

...You know, I started this thread of thought with the thought I’m arguing for a lower Getting Paid score for this case but I think I just talked myself into increasing the probability.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.8

Also bonus round: THE TRIAL OF SHADI ENIGMAR!

Zero fucking chances Phoenix got paid on this one. HIS CLIENT DISAPPEARED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COURT PROCEEDING! And even if Phoenix gets paid before a trial is concluded (unlikely, since he didn’t know Larry wasn’t paying him until after the case was closed), he was his attorney for like half-a-day before he disappeared so wouldn’t have much of a chance either way. And considering Zak’s character (and how he also tried to sabotage Phoenix’s current Poker-based career seven years after that), I doubt he put that much thought into Phoenix and his financial considerations to give him a down payment in case he had to to do his disappearnce act or whatever. The only thing Zak left Phoenix with when he left was his goddam abandoned child and ONE LESS BADGE!

So I think this case deserves a very special score!

Probability of Getting Paid: -1

Turnabout Countdown

It’s time for Athena’s first case! Or second case, depending on how you look at it.

Now, one of the major ways that Dual Destinies is gonna shake this Deep Serious Analysis up is that before we had, like, one Active Full-Time Lawyer at any time (maybe with a backup lawyer for Flashback Cases), and we now have Three Different Lawyers actively working together on the same cases. My main concern is primarily not which WAA Lawyers get paid for these cases, but IF any of them got paid at all. Still, shenanigans of cases changing hands officially and unofficially are gonna play a factor in my analysis as well.

And it’s here right from the start! We once again have a Lawyer defending their bestest friend in the whole world, and while some people’s instincts might suggest that means that Defense was for free, well… First things first, we already established Precedence for that back in the first trial of the first game with Larry (not for Lawyers getting paid by their friends, but at least expecting payment) and Juniper’s family is probably doing Just Fine considering she attends this super-fancy-pant prestigious Lawyer High School - so she would want to financially support Athena I would think.

And ALSO, Juniper technically didn’t hire Athena, Apollo was the one supposed to defend Junie in court at first. And although Juniper is… growing closer to Apollo at this point in canon, I don't think it's quite the ‘defend me in court for Free’ point of their relationship, compared to where Juniper and Athena are at. So this is just, like, one extra point to the Final Score!

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.7

The Monstrous Turnabout

So in this episode, we actually have two different jobs we need to make sure if Apollo actually got paid for. We have the actual criminal defense case, and we also have Babysitting Trucy.

Trucy: Oh, we'd better hurry. Doesn't look Daddy's going to make it, so let's get going. Apollo: Huh? Where are we going? What about the job he mentioned? Trucy: This IS the job, Polly! You're supposed to keep me company today! Now, come on! Apollo: Another day of not being a lawyer. Should've seen this coming. Trucy: Well, this is the "Wright ANYTHING Agency," y'know. And there's no law-related work at the moment, so… Apollo: (Tell me again why I chose to "work" here?) Where is Mr. Wright, anyway?

That being said, Phoenix might still be a bit of a troll but the WAA is doing a lot better financially now that Trucy has those Sweet Gramarye rights and he’s not quite as mean to Apollo as he was back in Hobomode. So I get a feeling that even with this little runaround, Apollo is probably at least getting paid for chaperoning Trucy around?? Probably?

The actual case is actually a lot more clear cut. It is directly mentioned that Damian Tenma could probably afford lawyers much more prestigious than the WAA, it’s just a matter of the WAA being the only ones crazy enough to take on this ‘doomed’ case.

Trucy: Apollo! Maybe this is your chance. Apollo: Chance for what? Trucy: To do the right thing and defend Jinxie's dad in court! Apollo: Who, me? Wouldn't a man like Mayor Tenma have access to more experienced lawyers? Jinxie: Umm… You wanna know what the detectives said? They doubted there was a lawyer who could get a not-guilty verdict in this one.

And with Mayor Tenma’s personality being based around being almost overly-generous and grateful…

Tenma: How… incredibly… RUDE! Apollo: Umm, sorry. Did I do something to offend you? Tenma: A visitor when all others shun me like a common criminal! And here I am with nothing to offer! I am the epitome of rude! Apollo: (………Wait, so he wasn't mad at me?)

I feel like it is almost a certainty that Apollo and Athena did get paid for this case!

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.85

Turnabout Academy

Okay so, it’s Junie again! Or Junie for the first time depending on how you look at it!

So all of the points I already brought up about Juniper from ‘Countdown’ still apply (save for the stuff about Apollo, of course) but ALSO this is right when Athena and Juniper reunited and their whole emotional arc in this case is about Athena feeling Juniper is being Uncharacteristically Cold and Distant towards her. So defending her on a Friend Discount would be a bit strange at this point. Maybe I can see Athena trying to insist she’d do it for free but Juniper refused?

Although I think that IS a bit weird that they had this big whole scene with Professor ScaryStatue taking over Juniper’s case and the issue of payment doesn’t even come up in passing. I mean, yes obviously, the issues of Trust and Truth and Aristotle Means being Sus as Fuck are the important things in this narrative but I’m suprised there’s not even a mention in passing. Like Means accusing Athena and Apollo of wanting this case back for the Money but they refute him???

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.8

The Cosmic Turnabout

Okay, look, I know I keep bringing up the Larry Precedence but it really IS quite relevant. If Actual Overly-Sentimental Human Disaster Phoenix Wright tried to charge a rate for his childhood best friend who was drifting through life doing weird odd jobs at that time. - Then Apollo, who is generally more practical minded, is probably going to charge a rate for his older acquaintance with the stable Astronaut Job. And while Solomon is a bit of a Space Larry, I don’t think he’d try and avoid the payment in quite the same way. Probably.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.7

Turnabout for Tomorrow

This trial has Phoenix defending one of his own employees in a trial forced on by a hostage situation. I feel silly even extending this paragraph any longer.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.01

Turnabout Reclaimed

First things first, yes, an Orca cannot pay for an attorney - but I assume that the person who hired Phoenix is officially Sasha Buckler. Who IS a human being with her own funds capable of hiring a lawyer. Especially as we know that other lawyers turned her down specifically because her case is ridiculous (and not for financial reasons).

Phoenix: What's the real reason you picked me, Sasha? Buckler: …Well, to be honest, I asked a whole slew of lawyers, but they all refused. They said stuff like, "There's no merit to taking your case," or "I'm not sure I can help." They're all as cruel as sharks, with hearts punier than whitebait!

She does mention doing a performance as thanks at the ending of the trial but that’s probably no replacement for Actual Money.

But I think most notable for our analysis about this case, is not actually any of the Orca stuff - it’s this exchange right here.

Blackquill: Today, the orca. Tomorrow, Sasha Buckler. You intend to save them both? Hmph. You say you "believe" in your clients, but isn't money really your true motivation? Why not admit you're only doing this for your own benefit? I could understand that much more readily than your empty, righteous talk. Athena: Our own benefit?! That's not why we're doing it! Phoenix: Now, Athena. Try not to let him get to you.

Yet another rare case of the game Acknowledging Lawyers Are Paid As a General Rule! And notably, when Phoenix and Athena deny it, they don’t deny the fact that they are getting paid - just that it’s not why they’re doing this. This is not exactly an explicit confirmation of Getting Paid to get the score up to a full 1, but it’s probably as close as we’re gonna get.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.95

The Foreign Turnabout

Okay, so Phoenix basically just bursted into the Courtroom and bluffed his way onto the empty defense bench despite the protests of his own so-called Client. Said client also only started unlearning his Defense-Attorney-Hate during that same trial. And is ALSO a tiny little child who has to work part time as a tour-guide to make end’s meet. I highly doubt Phoenix asked for anything more than, like, a very token rate or maybe a discount on his next tour.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.1

The Magical Turnabout

Considering how this case has a WAA Lawyer defending the actual CEO of the WAA, I highly doubt the WAA got any money from it. But maybe Trucy could give him some of her personal funds as a token of gratitude?

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.2

The Rite of Turnabout

It’s MAYA TIME again! And while some consideration has to go to her bond with Phoenix or the possibility of some sort of Frequent Accused card the WAA issued for her - the fact that she is not currently a Coworker at the law office and has been an Actual Independent Adult for quite some time now means it is actually a lot more likely she’s able to pay Phoenix now than in any case in the Original Trilogy!

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.5

Turnabout Storyteller

This one’s a pretty average case. The Defendant is not a total stranger, but he is more of a friend-of-a-friend (and Simon was originally planning to get Apollo or Phoenix into the courtroom so the connection was even more distant when he contacted the WAA). He seems to be doing alright financially with his own noodle business, and he’s a pretty alright kinda guy. The only possible concern is that he’s too totally slushed to remember he’s supposed to pay his attorney. But then again, Simon might be ‘officially’ the one who hired the lawyer for the case.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.6

Turnabout Revolution

It’s time for the THREE CASES IN ONE SPECIAL!! Because we don’t just need to consider Dhurke’s trial, I think it’s only appropriate that we take into account both Apollo and Phoenix’s side of the civil case. They are both WAA Lawyers, after all.

On Apollo’s side, he is defending Datz Are'bal, an escaped prisoner/wanted revolutionary criminal in his own country hiding away in an abandoned building and making homemade lizard skewers for food- but Datz did apparently enter Japanifornia legally via legitimate means.

Apollo: What are the charges this time? Datz: Unauthorized entry, or something like that. They think I'm an illegal alien! And I can't prove otherwise ‘cause I lost my passport! Trucy: Is there any way they'd let you go? Datz: Not without my passport… If only I had it! Dhurke, AJ! You gotta find my passport! Apollo: …All right, we'll find it. (One more thing to add to our to-do list. Now, where might Datz's passport be?)

So he presumably has some sort of funds to pay Apollo for his legal services, at least a little bit.

And with him being Dhurke’s best friend and knowing that he also struggled financially to make end’s meet as a defense attorney at first - I would like to think that’ll incentivise him to support Apollo financially if he can?

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.7

Meanwhile on Phoenix’s side, while Phoenix uses the word ‘hire’ when talking about working for Atishon. Phoenix was once again coerced via kidnapping into the position of attorney.

And THIS time, there is no Assassin with a Code of Honor who might consider paying Phoenix a fair rate. Both Atishon and his ‘benefactor’ are sleazeballs who would not pay Phoenix a dime if they can get away with it. Plus, with this being a civil case, there might actually be a Contingency Basis going on when Phoenix basically quit and then they lose.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.001

And finally, the grand event of this case - the Trial of Dhurke!

So… Can a summoned undead spirit pay for an attorney? I suppose it’s probably easier in Khura'in than in other places. And it’ll mostly work the same as if the client died before the case finished, right? It’ll be considered a debt to be carried by their next of kin. Who in this case will be Nahyuta… but also maybe Apollo? Still, considering all of Dhurke’s living family ranges between ‘wealthy and well-respected’ and ‘Literal Royalty’ - I’m going to assume they’d be more than happy then to pay their Weird Brother for his help.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.75

Turnabout Time Traveler

And here we are! The last case, and a relatively straightforward one at that - at least compared to the last one lol!

Ellen herself does not have many funds as a housemaid, it seems - but since she literally just married one of the richest inventors in the world, I assume her husband is gonna cover the legal fees. The WAA Legal Team and Also Edgeworth and Ema also got an invite to the Wedding but I assume this is not instead of actual payment?

That is, of course, unless it’s technically Larry who hired Phoenix actually.

Then he’s never getting the goddam money he deserves for his labor.

Probability of Getting Paid: 0.7

Average Probability Score for All Cases (not counting the Zak Bonus Round): 0.51721875

So what have we learned today? I think that while the WAA’s reputation for basically giving away legal services for free is not entirely unearned, it is perhaps somewhat exaggerated. While there’s certainly a lot of Shennanigans and their rates are probably not high (especially not for people they know), they still get paid for a decent amount of high-profile cases.I mean, this Getting Paid Probability Score is over the 50% mark at least....

And… the odd thing is that the First Turnabout really is the only time the subject of the lawyer getting paid is really brought up directly. I get that it might, y’know, ruin the Drama if we acknowledge that our Brave Heroes are getting paid to save people from being convicted of a crime they didn’t commit - or on the other hand of the equation, that they should get paid cause They Need Money to Live. But still…

Is the fact that the only time payment is brought up directly is when Larry isn’t paying Phoenix a bad sign for the general financial situation of our Anime Lawyers? Or is it actually a good sign? Like, that they only mention Larry not paying implying that every time it is not mentioned that means the client did pay them?

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Hi, it's nearly 2 AM here. I have work in the morning but I also have big feelings and a lot of thoughts to process. I originally posted it on Reddit, but I wanted to archive it here, too.

There are spoilers for both tape 1 and 2 beyond this point. You have been warned.

So, while reading the board these past couple of months, I've been seeing a lot of references to Bloom and Rage as being something akin to a coven of witches. This view is based upon both explicit references in the text and implicit readings of the text.

For an example of the former, in Tape 2, Kat describes a dream she's had recently where she saw a group of witches (but from like a long time ago) and where she's a part of them -- which to be honest is probably a premonition of the end of the game. Meanwhile, for an example of the latter, we can see the way in which the band casts a curse on Corey in Tape 1 and the way in which the band comes together after freeing the deer.

This reading of the text is perfectly valid and I celebrate it. What I would like to propose, on top of this interpretation, is that Lost Records: Bloom and Rage can also be read as a feminist interpretation of Peter Pan by JM Barrie, with Kat taking the role of Peter himself. Like the original reading, this interpretation is based upon explicit references in the text and an implicit analysis of the text.

Explicit References in the Text

Kat's Peter Pan Poster

The main in-textual reference to Peter Pan in the game comes from the Peter Pan Poster in Kat's room, which can be found when we're sneaking into the Mikealsen Ranch in Tape 2. This poster is noticeable for two reasons.

We see it as soon as we first see Kat in Tape 2

It's the only thing in the room that doesn't match Kat.

I'd like to discuss this second point a little bit.

Most of Kat's stuff is well, frankly, Kat's. It's either punk as hell, modified, customised, or torn asunder in the case of her dolls -- which could be interpreted as Kat refusing to look back at her own childhood.

In contrast, this poster is an anomaly. It's not punk, it's not adult, it's not feminine. It's a poster dedicated to a very male character in a very traditional, very male, very problematic story. Not something Kat would like at all.

I think this is an important clue. From hereon, though, we have to dig a little deeper into the text.

Implicit Interpretations

Rejection of the Future, Peter Pan's Androgynous History, and Kat's Haircut

I'm going to start here because it's potentially the most problematic.

Peter Pan, as a stage character, has often been played by female actors, particularly before the advent of film. The reason for this is simple: Peter is not a man, he is a boy, a child who has rejected his own masculinity in favour of eternal youth and innocence -- neither male or female. He doesn't look to the future the way other people do, he's just there for the here and now.

We can see this same point of view in Kat. Because of her illness, Kat doesn't look towards the future -- she's fully invested in having a great summer and actively wishes that it would go on forever -- something which she says multiple times in both Tape 1 and 2.

Turning back towards my earlier point about androgyny in Peter Pan's representation, I must turn to Kat's haircut in Tape 2 . Before moving forward, I want to make two things clear:

Within the text, t his haircut is presented as Kat's decision -- an effort to maintain her own agency in a difficult situation wherein Kat has no control. It's possible to read this haircut a number of different ways, especially if you're familiar with abuse victim behaviour. I'm not well-versed enough to discuss this interpretation, but it is valid.

My following analysis is based upon western cultural stereotypes only and I would ask you not to read into it as a support of a deterministic or prescriptivist model of gender conformity. Only you can determine your gender -- not me, not the British government, only you. Anyone who says any different can fix their hearts.

Although still a cutie pie, Kat's haircut pushes her representation between these two binary points, to a similar space that a Peter Pan occupied in the audience of those early 20th century plays -- neither man nor woman.

I'd like to make it clear that I'm not trying to make a point about Kat's own view, or anyone else's view, on their own or anyone else's gender. Likewise, having long or short hair doesn't make you any less a man, woman, or whichever gender you identify as.

Kat as the Girl Who Never Grew Up

Moving past the above point, I would like to bring to your attention the Kat's lines to Autumn near the end of Tape 2. Kat describes herself as someone who will 'never get to grow up.' By itself, this could be a reference to Peter Pan (or I might just be digging too far) but I think we need to go a bit further.

In the game, Kat is shorter than everyone else, and she's less developed than everyone else -- in Tape 1, we learn that she still wears a training bra. In universe, the reason for this is that Kat's cancer treatments have most likely interfered with her growth. However, I think another meta textual reason for this is because the game is already presenting Kat as someone who, like Peter Pan, hasn't grown up.

Taking this a step further, we have to analyse Kat's fashion sense in comparison to the rest of Bloom and Rage, particularly Autumn and Nora. 90s "punk fashion" (in quotation marks because punk is, by its nature, both fashion and anti-fashion) can generally be divided in three stages:

Grunge

Skater

Emo

Kat, Autumn, and Nora each represent one of these three eras in punk.

Kat represents the heavy denim of early 90s grunge fashion -- made famous by Nirvana, Pearl Jam and other members of the Seattle Scene. This type of fashion was also commonly associated with the Riot Grrl scene because of similar climate/culture.

Autumn represents the baggy shirts and jeans of the Skater Scene. This style of fashion was popular with a lot of bands coming out of California and owes a lot to the Skate scene there, as well as California's Hardcore Scene. You get a lot of pop punk and ska punk bands from this era.

Nora represents Emo, or at least the modern idea of what Emo was. Popular with bands from the mid-west and Washington DC, Emo is often associated with dark colours, dyed hair, and fondness for gothic adjacent aesthetic.

Now, the thing is, by 1995, grunge was already over. Following Kurt Cobain's suicide the year before, the Seattle Scene had largely fizzled out, and most of the most famous Riot Grrl bands had broken up.

By summer 1995, Skate Punk was already starting to take over the airwaves while Emo was starting the long slow march to cultural relevance. From a fashion standpoint, Kat was already something of an anachronism, a call back to a scene fizzled away.

She never grew up with the rest of the punk scene.

Fawn's Rest/Curse as Neverland

Another out of time area is Fawn's Rest/Fawn's Curse. Like Neverland, it's a place out of time and seemingly defiant of directions unless you know what you're looking for it -- in Tape 1, one of the girls mentions that surely they would have noticed it previously.

Like Neverland, Fawn's Rest/Curse is an area just for the protagonists -- just like Corey tries to invade Fawn's Rest/Fawn's Curse, Hook tries to take over Neverland. Likewise, just as Corey is swallowed by the Abyss, Hook is swallowed by the jaws of the crocodile.

Kat and Swann's Ages Post Game

At the end of the game, when Swann is about to enter the Abyss to find Kat, she is much older than Kat. This matches the epilogue of Peter Pan -- When Wendy Grew Up -- where Wendy Darling is a grown woman while Peter Pan still hasn't. In the story, Wendy's daughter goes off with Peter.

Such a narrative isn't possible in Lost Records (as far as we know) but I think the similarity in ages between Swann and Wendy and Peter and Kat is noteworthy nonetheless.

Kat and Stars

Throughout Tape 1 and 2, Kat has an association with stars and other stellar phenomena. In her diary, she describes a time where she, Dylan, and their mom went to watch a meteor shower. Likewise, in Tape 2, you attempt to rescue Kat to watch the Perseid Meteor Shower. Finally, through both Tape 1 and 2, Kat will wear stars on her clothing. This is most apparent during the concert, where Kat will have several fake stars on her arm.

Peter Pan also has an association with the stars. To find Neverland you have to follow the 'second star to the right and then straight on until morning.'

Bloom and Rage as Lost Girls

For my final point, I'd like to raise the idea that Bloom and Rage are, in a sense, 'lost girls' -- similar to Barrie's lost boys but also uniquely feminine. Where as the lost boys were children who never grew up, I'd argue that to some extent Bloom and Rage are lost girls who could never grow up.

Because the events of Summer 1995, they all lost something.

For Nora, she eventually lost that amazing self-confidence that she had when she was a teenager. Instead of staying weird and being herself, she became, well, an influencer, someone who is to some extent a slave to trends.

For Autumn, she eventually lost her principles that had her protesting the Iraq War. Instead of putting her foot down with her boss, she coddled him all during the night.

And Swann, at least in my play through, lost her love and passion. She never really put herself out there again after 1995. If you romanced her, Swann never really put herself out there after Kat. She lost her love of making movies. To paraphrase a line Swann says to Autumn in Tape 1, she went from someone bold and passionate, to someone 'waiting out the clock.'

They are lost girls in the sense that they are girls who lost something.

What Does any of This Mean?

Ultimately, it's unclear whether any of this has any deeper meaning to the larger Lost Records universe -- we just don't know. I think this reading might influence the story of the next game (if there is one) but I wouldn't like to speculate at this stage.

Even if it doesn't mean anything, it's still fun to note all the similarities between the two texts.

I hope you liked this post. Please let me know what you think.

Edit: I forgot the difference between AM and PM

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beau's backstory arc really does take 2 episodes and its not even motivated by beau. its nott why we even go up there. beau, like laudna does not desire to solve anything in her backstory. but unlike laudna she does have current goals (learning to people, learning to monk, impressing her teacher, her spy gig, just learning in general) and future goals (cobalt soul, mage rangling, kid having).

Correct...I'm not sure why you mentioned this? Like, I said as much as well, and that's not a problem because Beau has goals and interests, and she could have still had a meaningful story without visiting her family (though it certainly adds a lot).

With that said however this does feel kind of inadvertently an opportunity to point out the care with which Matt treated character backstory in the Mighty Nein vs. the lack thereof with Bells Hells. Beau said she was taken to the Cobalt Soul and her father paid someone off. She was on the run from her home with no reason to return and plenty of reasons to stay away.

In the Mighty Nein's story, not only is she carefully brought back to her home by a thoughtful interweaving of her and Nott's stories; Matt also looked at her cobalt soul backstory, said "does this match up with the Cobalt Soul as it exists in the world," came to a conclusion of "no, this isn't how the institution generally works," and had Dairon look into it, leading to a very satisfactory conclusion that happened without Beau's involvement but still meant a lot to her! Hell, you could even call it a consequence; Beau complaining about it all the time eventually got through to someone!

For Bells Hells, it was always just "YOUR abilities are ALSO kinda tied to the moon and/or you need THIS macguffin." The shards were nice but like...it felt this was a golden opportunity for Fearne and Ashton to serve as heirs to the titans in a re-binding or proper banishment of Predathos but in the end they were just essentially a variation on Cool Magic Items. Neither of them even did anything significantly Titan-related in the end; the But The Titans refrain meant jack shit. And you know, I felt that Imogen, Laudna, and Ashton's complaints about the gods rang hollow...but what if they hadn't? My argument was always "this doesn't match up with what we know of the gods from all other lore" but I think what is notable is that I wasn't proven right...but I wasn't even proven wrong. What if the gods had addressed this? What if Imogen being a Ruidusborn DID mean she was either beyond the reach of the gods/could not be heard or that they felt it was better she suffered? What if the gods feared what the Hishari had done in terms of resurrecting the titans? What if Ashton were textually unable to spend time in temples, rather than this just being theorized by people desperate to prove the gods were bad?

The problem is that, on some level, improv was barely happening. Matt didn't say Yes And or No Actually, he just sort of barrelled on with his original plans and world without addressing any of the things his players brought up (again, lack of consequences, good or bad) and so we have no real answers, Bells Hells do look like selfish jackasses because in the absence of new information I'm continuing to believe the old, certainly when the characters were so unkind in the end, and everything feels flat, unexplored, and dull as compared to the lively and rewarding and meaningful stories of Vox Machina and the Mighty Nein.

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Till’s “Love” for Mizi

i’ve been cooking up some thoughts on this for a while, and now that i’m riding an alien stage high might as well yap it up

if you know anything about my analysis habits, you know i have to talk about it. it’s a trope i eat up every time.

(this is kind of long i’m so sorry)

till’s attraction to mizi was idolization and infatuation. it was not a genuine love - i think she definitely meant a lot to him as a person, and that they did have a genuine friendship, but i think the extent of his attraction is idealization. the fact that the only reasons we get for him being “in love” with her is because she’s pretty (we’ve received this information multiple times now with this comic release) is incredibly telling.

i do think it’s not the sole reason he’s so infatuated with her - mizi, from a narrative perspective and the perspective of other characters in alien stage, represents hope. everyone is clinging to hope with every last drop of their being because it is their sole way to cope. sometimes it manifests in a genuine form of love, like we see in mizi and sua and ivan (even though there is still elements of unhealthy obsession as a coping mechanism in all of them), but it’s clear to me that in till’s case, he is not actually in love with her. she is beautiful physically and in what she represents - that is why he is obsessed with her. so far, we are given absolutely no reason to believe there is anything else to that. in fact, vivimeng keeps highlighting only those two things as reasons for till’s love for mizi.

textually, they have had till himself reference that he likes her because she’s pretty - he outright says that in this new comic and has also mentioned it in the art book (in the art book, he doesn’t say he likes her only because she’s pretty, but that’s the only thing he says about her). subtextually, we see how in till’s eyes, mizi is the embodiment of hope. this is primarily touched upon in rounds 6 & 7 - till starting to lose hope when mizi disappears, till seeing hallucinations of mizi and trying to reach out for her one last time before passing out (which is when he truly seems to lose all of his hope), till only regaining his will and determination when he sees mizi in the crowd in round 7… she is a symbol to him.

here is my main point:

till liking mizi because she’s pretty is as undeep as it gets, but i do think her being his manifestation of hope isn’t necessarily shallow - till narratively represents freedom, and conceptually speaking, freedom and hope are inherently intertwined - the idea of freedom fuels hope, and hope fuels the journey toward freedom. so i don’t think his feelings for mizi are completely shallow, but i do believe the way they ended up manifesting was not in the form of genuine love, at least not in a romantic sense. especially because he didn’t initially fall for her because she gave him hope; his obsession for her that started because of her physical appearance went on for so long that she became his hope, since he already had his mind set on her and latched onto her.

mizi representing hope is something that till “projected” (idk if that’s the right word) onto her, it was never anything she actually did that made her become that symbol. she wasn’t fighting for freedom, she isn’t even shown to be particularly hopeful herself. yes, she was bright and cheery and lovely (which we now know was partly a facade) but she doesn’t truly start becoming a symbol for hope with her own actions until she meets hyuna.

sua also viewed mizi as a manifestation of her hope, in a way that was also very much a coping mechanism and also a form of unhealthy obsession, but we know that they have a much deeper emotional bond that isn’t entirely built on idolization. for them, it was a mix of genuine love and infatuation/idolization (in which the latter causes a lot of issues in their relationship but you would have to be stupid not to see the actual bond they have.) in till and mizi’s case, they are lacking that emotional connection that would allow there to be genuine love mixed in there.

and since we’re getting the whole gang in here - ivan’s love for till also contrasts till’s love for mizi. ivan becomes obsessed with till because he gives ivan hope. he isn’t drawn to till until he sees till fighting for freedom, and when he does, he is starstruck. after being abused his whole life and just taking all the blows, he is so amazed to see someone actually fight back. ivan’s love for till starts blossoming because of something that is inherent to till as a person, and something that till shows through his own actions.

analyzing infatuation vs love is right up my alley - it is something i love to talk and think about, as it tends to be a common theme in the media and characters i enjoy (as well as a common theme in real life) and i feel as though people don’t talk about it enough. when i see it being talked about in this fandom, i see a lot of people tend to leave out the fact that mizi does mean so so much to till, as she is his token of hope, as unhealthy as it may be. and this sort of infatuation is literally present in all of the characters (except maybe hyuna?) so it’s not like till is the main offender here, the key thing that sets him apart is that he is also lacking the personal connection part (and therefore the genuine love part).

thank you for reading!

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i think Sophie's personality took a nose-dive when Shannon over 'girl-bossed' the entire narrative surrounding all the girls in the books.

does this make sense??

I loved Sophie books 1-5. She had a fierceness and heroicness and a willingness to do what she believed was right from the get-go. But then somewhere along the line her already existing personality traits were shoehorned into this cringe label and over-saturated by characters like Ro who are always like "Girl power! and glitter!"

Sophie had so many great traits from the start-- but lately, her character almost feels like a caricature of those traits.

and I am NOT saying there is anything wrong with empowering women and girls-- however, the writing comes off as weak when it's spoon-fed to you that THAT is how you're supposed to perceive the character. Sophie was cool and smart and empowered way before the narrative decided to become "aware" of it in a textual sense. She was cool as hell before the books ever went "NOW THAT'S A STRONG AND POWERFUL GIRL!!! SEE THAT STRONG AND POWERFUL GIRL??? SHE"S SUCH A STRONG AND POWERFUL GIRL" like??? mf?? I READ the books. I ALREADY KNOW.

She was a leader from the beginning. She was a leader because she cared enough to do something about something. Way before the Black Swan named her the moonlark, and the leader of Team Valiant.

And she continued to develop those leadership skills over the books, until at some point, the writing became too aware of her development and shoved it into your face, instead of it being a subtle arc that spoke for itself.

but also... the way Shannon seems to want to sell her development doesn't exactly match with what she's written. There are moments in the books where characters shower Sophie in compliments that come off as generally untrue...

One of the defining aspects of Sophie's personality is her insecurity and secrecy. Which are traits that can be annoying at times, but are realistic. Regardless of those traits though, she still had dimensions and was willing to stand up for what she believed in from the beginning. The thing is, her insecurity never quite went away. If you read any of the later books, she has crippling self-doubt and identity issues. But then you have characters like Ro coming in and saying things like "Ur so confident!" and it just comes off as a very strange cognitive dissonance in the narrative.

No, Sophie isn't confident in her ability to lead, regardless of what the books say in small tidbits, when the whole of the books show that she is quite insecure, but believes in her values enough to do something to protect them-- which automatically shoe horns her into a leadership role.

What was admirable about Sophie's character was not her confidence. And is not her confidence. She's admirable because she's deeply insecure and flawed and not an amazing leader, but that she still tries. Sophie is a leader because she tries, because she steps out and says "this isn't right!" not because she's actually good at it. She does not have a lot of the typical qualities that make good leaders. She's not very outspoken most of the time, she's insecure, she's more introverted-- she's just a character who is justice oriented, so she rises above those feelings. WHICH IS A BETTER NARRATIVE CHOICE THAN "No Foster, ur actually a perfect leader <3"

I boil this down to:

TWO CONTRADICTING TRAITS CAN EXIST AT THE SAME TIME.

Sophie is insecure, and lacks confidence. But she's also moral, and therefore does her best to be a leader.

She's brave. Not confident.

am I making any sense??? I feel like I have a point and it's getting lost a bit here. Maybe I'll come back and clarify things another time. rn I'm tired.

ALSO: I fear the same thing happened to Biana and Linh.

I deadass think the introduction of Ro is what began it all. She's a try-hard character for female empowerment, that comes off as very forced and shallow.

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I adore your take on DS2 and wanted to know what ur thoughts were on Elden Ring and/or DS 3!

(also I have been loving ur comics!!!)

First off: Thank you! Glad you like my comics! <3

I mentioned it briefly in the DS2 post, and it's been said by others, but Dark Souls 3 is about ending Dark Souls. And it does that very well. The "time and space is falling apart and that's why the geography is like that" that people sometimes say about DS2 is literally, textually true in 3. The Dreg Heap is a pile of other, older Dark Souls areas collapsing in on each other. This world has been going on and on, repeating and prolonging the Age of Fire that should have ended long ago, and it's just breaking down. You can't keep the same thing going forever, that's true in the universe of the story, and of a franchise of dark fantasy action RPGs.

It's kind of funny and also impressive that Miyazaki and the team hit that point, saying if they keep doing this it's going to fall apart, on game three of the franchise. There's so many series out there that will pump out game after game of the same stuff, to the point they stop numbering them and give them subtitles to hide the fact that they're on game 23 of this thing, and FromSoft said "three's our limit for this one" and gave us the greatest hits final bow before moving on to new different takes on their subgenre of games.

Enter Elden Ring! The game that got me into FromSoft games. Every time people talked about Dark Souls it was always about how hard they were, and the whole "git gud" mentality, which made them seem like they would 100% be not my kind of thing. But I am an absolute sucker for a fantasy open world, so I dipped my toes into Elden Ring, and really enjoyed it! Being able to just go exploring and do something else whenever I got stuck was a huge plus, as are spirit ash summons. The game is hard, for sure, but there's also a lot of ways to ease that difficulty (not eliminate it, but ease it (also there's no excuse to not have a pause button, that's stupid, don't @ me))

As far as lore and storytelling, Elden Ring has a lot of cool stuff (that's my wife Ranni, my cool witch wife Ranni) but I don't know that I have so definite a "take" on its story. It goes back to the Dark Souls 1 and 3 well of "some important shit happened, go kill this list of bosses about it" but I appreciate that you have a lot more choice in regards to your ending. It's not "link the fire or don't" it's "you're creating a new age, what do you want that age to be like?" with a few compelling choices and some evil bastard ones for fun.

Assorted side thoughts:

FP is better than spell uses. More convenient, more flexible, lets you focus on Mind to allow yourself to cast more spells.

All of my first playthroughs were sword and board, both because of caution going in and because I like the "knight with a sword and shield" aesthetic.

Related to the last point, Guard Counters are a great addition in ER, and the "Sekiro style block" crystal tear for the Physick in the DLC should have been a talisman or something permanent, to just make that a play style people can use.

The Alva Armor rules, 10/10 best fit in Dark Souls

I really like Shadow of the Erdtree, but it is the absolute limit on the current version of Souls-game mechanics. Not everyone is Let Me Solo Her, and between both the extremely punishing difficulty and the becoming more repetitive nature of a lot of the boss design, they need to change up the combat to keep things going. Sekiro seems to be a step in that direction from what I hear?

No boss fight in any video game has ever made me feel as cool as Slave Knight Gael in the DS3 DLC. It just worked for me on pretty much every level. The story, the music, the visuals, the difficulty. I can beat him, and it's hard but not a kind of hard that makes me angry at the game. Dodging in and out of his attacks, getting my own hits in, it felt like a kick ass dance of fantasy combat. It's peak.

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i’d love to hear more elaboration on rose rejecting motherhood as a whole, i know she didnt want to do the quest but i had always saw it as she didnt want to be directly commanded, i’d love to hear your view on it (i am also astoundingly bad at parsing not direct narrative elements, so if i have missed something under my nose im sorry)

Yeah so I'm not gonna be the most super boned up on ALL my Themes and Evidence right now on account of only being at [page 2835] rn so half of this is working off of my ambient knowledge so that means i wont be super in depth BUT

So to start i'll throw down a bunch of screenshots straight from the horse's mouth from the pages I was recently at wrt the commentary that spells out a lot of the intent extremely clearly

[pg 2688 onward & 2816 ]

& this page excerpt that i like. dont remember which page it is and the site is fucked & im in new reader mode so just take it

But yeah so this explains mostly that she's in the *right* to be sceptical and destructive, that hussie agrees that she should be upending her 'quest'. But how does that tie into the Motherhood themes?

So, the long and short of it is that Sburb is representitative of "The Game Of Life" in a very literal way? It is textually, a thing that requires of the children that play it to procreate in some way, both ecotbiologically to create themselves, and then when the game is won to Settle Down and Create a Society in the Desired Manner.

'Winning' Sburb is, metatextually, thus representitative of 'Growing Up and taking your role in 'Proper (read: normative) Society'. Something hussie (a queer artist) is obviously pretty critical of. (This is why beating the game on its own terms (beating lord english in a physical fight-- something that feeds into LE's childish ideas of masculinity) doesn't work)

So, Rose, being the Feminine Girl of the group, the one with the Mother, and who is called Mom Lalonde herself in the Alpha Timeline (despite her absence)-- Well its what the game Wants from her. And notably this stretch of the comic has her conversing with well. Virgo. Kanaya. Who attempts to mother her away from this dangerous route (And Who Rose eventually ends up dating and that sure isn't heteronormative. given that she's an alien and also a girl)

So rejecting the game & the quest follows the pretty clear throughline to rejecting her Role as Assigned by Society.

I will admit i legit feel like i'm missing a massive evidence chunk here right now that i KNOW is like somewhere in fuckin... act 6 or some shit. so right now im just kind of pointing and going "yeh its themes innit?" . but like its themes innit. So might need ppl who um. remember things (and aren't trapped in new reader mode) to chime in if i HAVE forgotten something big.

but yeah i doooo think a lot of homestuck makes more sense once you have the skeleton key of reading "the game" as "society at large". its not the only reading but its a pretty illuminating one. this isn't coherent but i hope it helped? its 3:39am <3

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about to rant to a brick wall real quick because i just saw this post and was about to yammer on in the tags in an incoherent sort of way. but i figured i’d be kind and dump out my thoughts in a post like a normal person

anyways that post made me think about eddie diaz my best friend eddie. especially because a couple of people in the tags were bringing him up as an example of a guy who can just be bi since he has expressed interest in women, but people act like he must have a complete and utter disinterest in women when he hasn’t acted like that in canon. i remember watching 911 through the first time and being like Eddie is totally gay and not attracted to women, and a lot of times when i read fic i've been like bi eddie 😒😒 but lately upon rewatching the whole series to show to my best friend i think it is so interesting to talk about his sexuality in a way that is more complex than all of his attraction towards women being fake.

i think eddie's post-shannon relationships with women are the main reason why people assume he can only be gay. like the way that he and ana broke up is textbook internalized heteronormativity (or comphet? i think that's a lesbian only term though idk), and the way he and marisol fizzled out was partly because of his complicated relationship to religion/catholicism which obviously raises a lot of repression red flags. and i think it's still fair to say that eddie was forcing himself into those relationships for the most part because at those points in his life having a stable relationship felt like something he should be working towards, and of course he believes that relationship is going to be/has to be with a woman.

in season 4 with ana, it's been about a year and a half since shannon passed, and bobby alongside general encouragement from the rest of the 118 prompts him to start dating again (4x06 jinx). he is no longer in the dark place mentally that he was in at the start of season 3, and in season 4 he is generally moving forward with his life, and part of this is entering the dating pool again. a similar pattern happens in s5-6: after his mental health takes a nosedive in season 5, he starts dating marisol by the end of season 6 because of prompting from pepa for him to move forward and find a partner (6x14 performance anxiety). like, he was obviously entering both of these relationships because he believed it was the logical next step for his life to take, and people around him supported this idea, but ultimately he realized there wasn't a spark there to begin with in the way he wanted.

when it comes to shannon, though, i think it's a lot more of a stretch to act like he didn't really love her. sure, that relationship became rushed as well because of an unplanned pregnancy, but as far as canon has explained eddie and shannon got together to begin with willingly and enthusiastically. i think season 7 textually really does show that (i say textually because who knows what the hell tim minear's reasoning was for anything he's done since s7, but in the text the season does circle back to eddie's complex feelings about his relationship with shannon), with eddie often reminiscing on her fondly. granted, im only up to season 6 in my rewatch, so i don't have a ton of well-formed thoughts on eddie's s7 storyline, but it does eddie and shannon a disservice to act as if he didn't (couldn't) really love her throughout the entirety of their relationship. isn't it more interesting to see how their relationship didn't work out, to point out conflicts they had and decisions they made, than to simply say all of their conflicts were because eddie couldn't love her because he's gay?

i do think that as canon stands now, eddie and shannon's relationship could be expanded upon retroactively if one was to dedicate themselves to that interpretation of his sexuality, but it would be a delicate thing. ultimately, eddie is a bit more compelling to me if he does have some attraction to women. i think it's undeniable that he's repressed his feelings for men to hell and back, but i don't like a lot of fanon interpretations of gay eddie that describe him/buddie like the original post; inherently 'truer/purer/better' than the other relationships he had because he's gay and his relationship with buck is just better for him because buck is a man, rather than because their relationship is something they work to make better than their past relationships. it's not a magical, harmonious relationship purely because eddie is with a man now. it's infinitely more compelling (to me anyways) to go into what about these two characters specifically would make their relationship feel so magical.

All that being said. i don't really see eddie as a bi character to me anyway... like while he fits it in definition i kind of see him not really having a label of any kind. idk i could be projecting because lately i've just come to the conclusion that i identify as *waves hand* queer i guess, but i think the freedom that comes with not categorizing exactly how you experience your feelings is something i think would resonate with eddie. not that labels are inherently limiting! i just see eddie as a character who may not want or care to analyze them that deeply, especially considering his first queer relationship may also be his last (lol) so he wouldn't feel the need to think about it that much anyway.

this was long asf. i don't mind gay eddie hcs anyway frankly i often ascribe to them more than explicitly bi eddie interpretations, but my #1 is some kind of queer or generally unlabeled sexuality label for eddie. the nitty gritty of terminology is just an extra thing vaguely related to this post but yeah. Was this anything at all. i don't know if i said anything of substance/that hasn't been said before or better by someone else. if anyone actually got here thank you for reading these ramblings of a madwoman

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Ashley Literally Did Nothing Wrong, Fuck You, Fight Me

Alt title: Ashley Graves: The most convenient scapegoat in the world

I'm going to espouse a take here that will no doubt be controversial, as you can tell by the title. This is a take I've created from my hollistic understanding of the events of the game, and isn't dependent on any one single point I make in this essay. Because of that, I want you to read it with an open mind; if you hyperfocus on one or two smaller details I might've gotten wrong or are fallaciously interpretated, and either use that to discount the whole essay or go into the comment section and immediately try to debunk my interpretation of that event, that'll make it obvious to me that you're not trying to seriously engage with the core of what I'm trying to say. Because unless quite literally everything I've said here is wrong, I feel confident in saying this:

Ashley Graves did nothing wrong.

Moreover, I think Ashley is on the level of people like Rossiu, Shinji Ikari, and Skylar White as far as people who are mistreated by their fandoms goes.

At first this was going to be an essay about how I don't think the demons are evil, using textual and thematic evidence to show that they're just part of a system that deals mostly fairly with humans and doesn't have any nefarious plans, or at least nefarious plans that stand to fuck anyone over. But then I realized that, goodness gracious, that is boring as shit to write! But I looked at what I had written already and realized that I could write something else with it: something better. I could sum up a lot of the points made in my prior essays and elaborate upon them in much more detail, showing why I think certain themes are obviously present within this game. And here, I intend on doing that.

I've spoken a lot before about how Ashley is a scapegoat for all of Andrew's worst habits; and to a lesser extent, her mother's. The game makes it seemingly obvious that she's the bad one, and generally just a Very Not Good person. It shows her and her brother committing many different acts that are, under most moral systems, wrong, and implicitly implies that she's the reason that Andrew ever did those things. It implies that she's corrupting him, that he could be better and refuses- or is unable to- due to her poking and prodding. But… is that the truth? Is that how their relationship actually works, in practice? I don't believe so. I think I've made it obvious by now that I believe the exact opposite!

I'm going to start off by tackling the morality behind their actions, especially relative to the world they're in. Specifically, I'm going to tackle how the game presents the morality of their actions from a thematic point of view, and any statements it may or may not make.

First of all, TCOAL plays with a lot of different taboos- demon summoning, cannibalism, incest, murder- but the game goes through great lengths to muddy the moral weight of the siblings' actions. Every single action they commit is portrayed in the most neutral possible light- killings were done in self defense (with one notable exception), or done to people who greatly wronged them, cannibalism was a necessity to survive (also with one notable exception), incest is shown to come from a marked improvement in their relationship- leading me to believe that this game is taking a hard morally nihilistic stance. Else, they'd be shown to suffer for their actions, when in reality, the literal exact opposite is happening; they are being rewarded for it. This isn't necessarily glorifying the actions, but instead showing that even the worst of actions can potentially be excused, but whether or not you do is up to the reader. Hence, nihilism, or at the very least, skepticism (as noted by Lisafication). There's an existentialist reading of this too, but I think much of that is contingent on the events of chapter 3 so I won't get into that here.

It contrasts this mostly nihilistic perspective on interpersonal taboos with the deep societal ills that drive people to commit such actions. Evil exists at every level of analysis here, but curiously, the only thing that are shown to do direct harm to others without having a justification of some kind- be it self-defense or retaliation- are those societal ills. There is no (morally) good reason to quarantine people, starve them, and harvest their organs. There's no good reason to burn all evidence and then put a hit on the ones who did escape. There's no good reason to extort sexual favors from someone in exchange for food. These are deep structural problems that force people to either retaliate/lash out or enable people's most exploitative or abusive habits lest they just let themselves die.

And thus, the obvious evils become much less obvious. The game makes a point of subverting the obvious or the well-known when it comes to morals, and I think it does so when it comes to everything else, too. Outside of those societal ills (so far, ch3 might have something else to say), every situation where someone could obviously be shown as the bad person in a situation is immensely more complex than it first appears. So much so that I'd argue that displaying said complexity and subverting simplicity to force/encourage people to analyze things deeper is one of the central themes of the game.

So why, exactly, does he blame so much on her? It's because Ashley is the world's most convenient scapegoat, and the game is well-aware of this and displays it in ways both obvious and not.

First off: the title screen has Ashley wielding the cleaver, establishing that she’s the violent one. It's covered in blood, too, implying that she's the one more driven to kill. The reality of this is the opposite; Andrew is the one with less hesitation to inflict violence on others, the cleaver is his weapon, and most of the kills in the story are done by him (and fully justified). Ashley might push him to do these violent acts, but… does she?

Her reaction to the death of the first warden is one of utter shock.

And her expression afterwards?

This is not the look of someone who enjoyed the fact that someone killed for her sake. This is not the look of someone who finds joy to be had in violence. It's not even the look of someone who is apathetic towards violence. It almost seems to express shame or guilt, but at the very least, she's timid over it. At the very least, it's an "oh shit, he actually had to do that for my sake" face. Not a "haha, I am making him worse!" face.

Not to mention, not only does Andrew kill the first Warden without a care in the world, he proactively kills the 302 lady to eliminate all witnesses, and because he believes Ashley would want him to. But Ashley actually grills him for it; she didn't want the 302 lady to die, although she hardly had good-person-reasons for it. But that's not my point. The point is that she is not the violent one between the two of them.

The door doesn't open in response to violence, remember?

The game intentionally misleads us.

And what happens when Ashley tries to make him take responsibility for all this violence? To point out that she didn't force him to do anything and that he chose to do all of it, including lock Nina in the box? She lashes out, hits him a few times… and then he goes to strangle her, and doesn't let go until she acknowledges that he has no reason for her to be around. He literally doesn't cease his threat to her life until she acknowledges she's useless to him.

I acknowledge that this isn't the most charitable framing for Andrew, and maybe too charitable for Ashley. After all, she wasn't indignant. She was mocking him. She found it hilarious. But I have reasons for that charitability that I'll go over towards the end. But even with that charitability in mind, I don't think my reading is too off base. Defaulting to laughter or mocking in stressful situations is just what Ashley does. She's not indignant about it; she just finds it hilarious that people keep pretending to be better than her, when they're not.

Andrew killed the 302 lady and used Ashley as a scapegoat to justify it; this is indisputable, stated in the text during the dream. This alone validates Ashley's point of view. There is no interpretation of this event that doesn't paint Andrew as every bit as unscrupulous as Ashley, and thinking she corrupted him into this- when it was both one of the first actions he did on his own in the story and something he explicitly uses Ashley as a scapegoat for- is just ridiculous. It's frankly unreasonable. She has every right to be sick of being used as a scapegoat. And at the very least, whether or not you accept the idea that Andrew only let Ashley go once she acknowledged that she's useless to him, he's still so taken aback by his misinterpretation of Ashley's desires that HE goes to strangle HER.

This is NOT Andrew triumphantly standing up to his abuser. This is both of their masks slipping; Andrew revealing how violent and insistent on keeping up his internal narrative that he is, and Ashley revealing that she's getting tired of being blamed for everything.

And then, when he finally lets her go… she hugs him, and acknowledges that she's happy that Nina is gone, which makes little sense at the face of it. Why would that be her first response to being let go, when it was ostensibly what made Andrew so upset to begin with?

I think, to her, it's a conciliatory gesture. As chapter 2 showed us, she's more than willing to take responsibility for violence to relieve Andrew of stress over it, as evidenced by her finishing off their parents. This is an earlier instance of that; by acknowledging she was happy that Nina was dead, she took responsibility for it. She willingly framed herself as a bad person here, so Andrew wouldn't have to be.

She let herself be the scapegoat, because it's all she ever knew. She put the mask back on.

This alone is enough to challenge the idea that Ashley 'corrupts' Andrew in any meaningful way. How, exactly, can you define it as corrupt when society itself is twisted enough to force these actions to survive? In a more sane world, a lot of their actions would've been bad, sure, but they're also actions that the siblings probably wouldn't have done in a more sane world. Ashley's actions aren't making Andrew worse, they're helping to ensure their survival. You could say that this is still corruptive in its own way, but at that point it seems like your reasoning is motivated by having already had that narrative rather than making a good-faith reading of their dynamic.

At no point did she actually make him worse; he was already like that and just used her as an excuse.

Next up is the Nina situation. This one is obviously cut and dry- Ashley manipulates Andrew into killing Nina because she wants no competition between the two of them. It's not Andrew's fault and Ashley was an evil abuser from the jump. Obvious, right?

No. It's really not.

It's pretty strongly implied that Ashley was mistreated by people her whole life. The Lemon Cupcake scene shows this in more detail, about how people always neglect or ignore her birthdays, but she also says that nobody likes her because she's weird and loud in the Nina flashback too. But unless something big happened in between the two flashbacks, none of this behavior indicates particularly maladaptive or even strange tendencies on Ashley's part. She's a needy, bratty child, and the closest thing to a friend she has- Nina- wants to take away the one thing from her that's a source of comfort and emotional validation.

It's not entirely rational, sure! But it also -makes perfect sense-. NOBODY treated her well throughout her entire life; it's strongly implied that Nina never did either, given Nina's reaction to Ashley being there and the lower left-hand painting past the Questionable door showing her being distant from the two of them. We can also see a star bouncing off of her head, and stars represent closeness in this game, so it shows there was an attempt made somewhere along the line, it's just not clear as to who made the attempt.

At the very least, Nina's reaction of disappointment fed into Ashley's preconceived notions of how people treat her, and how she deserves to be treated. Although, from what has been directly stated, rather than implied, Nina was nothing more than an innocent victim in this scenario; I don't mean to take that away from her.

"But she didn't care when Nina died?"

So? If Nina treated her like trash for most of her life, why should she care? She didn't expect Nina to die. It was just an acceptable consequence. You can say "That's not how normal kids act!" all you want, but there's a level of spite and apathy that comes with intense bullying and emotional neglect that I don't think you really understand unless you've been there to the extent someone like Ashley has implied to be.

Andrew, meanwhile, was the one who told Ashley that they had to lock Nina in the box to keep them in there. He's the one who looked for and found the stick to keep them locked in. You could say he was coerced by an abusive person into hurting someone, sure, but you'd be wrong. Cataclysmically wrong, even. Like, if you actually think that a seven year old girl (nobody wears overalls past the age of seven) can have anything approximating an abusive dynamic with her as the perpetrator with someone both older and stronger than her, you frankly have some issues with women you need to work out. That's simply not how abuse dynamics work at that age.

Andrew wasn't entirely responsible for it either, mind- he was just a kid who should never have been saddled with this kind of responsibility. But that's not my point; the point is that it enables other people, Andrew included, to use her as a scapegoat to avoid his own responsibility. All this scene does is retroactively justify any preconceptions you might've had about them from seeing their adult selves first. But the moment you start digging, it becomes much less obvious who's really culpable here. Andrew was, as evidenced by the blood oath scene, fully aware that he held the advantage over her in strength, and managed to give up nothing when making the oath while he made Ashley swear to silence. He was fully aware that he could've chosen to do better, but he refused, and instead opted to reinforce Ashley's insecurities for the sake of exerting control over her.

I've said before that the 302 lady was murdered without any input from Ashley, but this is also relevant on a meta-level because it's done without any input from the player, either. Both of the murders in chapter 1 were like that, whereas all that we, the player can choose to do in that chapter is either solve puzzles, or hilariously, die. The only person with control here is Andrew, the character, and this is reinforced by the fact that we have no control over him for much of the Nina flashback, too. He locks her in the box regardless of our input, even though Ashley spends a lot of time trying to convince him. The main difference between the Nina flashback and the scenes in the apartment is that Ashley had absolutely no idea that any of that was going to happen in the present, whereas it's something she wanted with Nina- which isn't that big of a difference when discussing how much agency she really has.

As much as the game frames Ashley as a manipulator- and much of the fanbase uncritically accepts- she is given shockingly little in-game control over many of the actions committed. Even in the case of the Hitman- as a good friend of mine pointed out- the only choice the player is given is whether or not to check the closet and be killed; an impulsive decision leading to a swift and unceremonious end. In the end, Andrew is the one given the choice to kill the hitman, and we can consciously choose whether or not his reaction is panicked or measured. No such choice is given to Ashley, as most of her reactions are impulsive and spontaneous rather than planned. This is not the makings of a standard "manipulative evil bitch" trope. She's pretty consistently portrayed as someone with poor impulse and emotional control who loudly and aggressively states her intent in every single scenario she's in.

And you can still call what she says and does manipulative despite that, sure, but at what point are you just pathologizing relatively normal (if extreme and highly emotional) social interactions for the sake of fitting into a narrative you already held?

We see Ashley's status as a scapegoat for people to use to pretend to be normal reach its most blatant with the parents. This time it's pretty cut and dry to anyone that doesn't already have it in their mind that Ashley is evil and unforgivable. Mrs. Graves explicitly brings up the possibility of a normal life without Ashley to Andrew in the basement, and claims that Ashley was at fault for shutting her out. She would've been a normal parent otherwise, right? Well, no; the game wastes no time in showing that this wasn't the case in the Burial ending.

From when Ashley was a baby, Mrs. Graves was already tired of her shit, and too emotionally exhausted to be a parent. Despite her attempts at blaming Ashley, she would've never been a normal parent unless Ashley was a golden child in the same way that Andrew was. And yet Ashley didn't even deny shutting her mom out. She didn't deny the chance to be used as a scapegoat; it was all she ever knew. The fact that Mrs. Graves had the audacity to claim that she was a saint when she was never prepared to be a parent for a child who didn't make it easy, and when she was willing to sell out her children and let them die for a life insurance payment is absolutely astounding.

This alone should've been enough to recontextualize everything we supposedly know about how responsible Ashley really is in all of this, but bad parents have a knack for being great at manipulating both family members and everyone viewing from the outside, including the people playing the game.

And almost including Andrew.

Andrew almost accepting the mom's offer is the single most tragic moment in the game, by far.

Dandy said it best in his video essay: By Ashley leaving Andrew alone with their parents, she showed that she is capable of changing. That she is capable of getting better. She showed that she loves and respects Andrew enough to be able to put aside her usual role as the scapegoat and allow him to make the decision that was for the best for both of them. And make no mistake, it was for the best; if the mom really DID sell out the siblings, and given the two of them were already on the run for supposedly being dead, there was no hope of any of this ever working out. They saw through the conspiracy and knew the truth of how the quarantine operations really worked. They were an active threat to one of the most powerful entities seen in the setting so far, to the point where they had a hitman sent after them.

Mrs. Graves had every reason to sell them out again, for their presence in a public setting was more than enough to put everyone in their family in danger. Mrs. Graves had every reason to believe that the normalcy she wanted was nothing that could ever be grasped again so long as her children were alive, and as such, it was clear that she had nothing to offer either Andrew or Ashley. Ashley trusted Andrew to see through their obvious manipulations and lies, and understand that the parents had nothing left to give them. She trusted him to love her more than the false promises their parents could give.

…And yet. In spite of it all.

In spite of her love, in spite of clearly displaying that she can grow up and become a person that causes him less stress, and in spite of Ashley showing that all she wants now is their safety and security…

Andrew can still choose to consider Ashley the problem. He can still choose to use her as the scapegoat he always has.

He can still choose to see her as the one thing that caused him to be this way, that stands in between him and normalcy, when she, not once, forced him to do anything.

Were he to accept Mrs. Graves' offer, this would've been the single most tragic moment in the game. It almost was, and still stands to be, because he ignores every indication that things could be better for the sake of his own narrative, and a narrative echoed by much of the fandom.

But no matter what ending was picked, things could be better. They could've been better all along. Compared to chapter 1, their dynamic in chapter 2 is already much healthier. Their banter is less venomous, and while they still poke and prod each other in ways that aren't exactly great, they don't get into the same violent fights we saw in the 302 room. By all accounts, what happened in that room was an outlier. Even when they find themselves in their parents' house, where they stand to do the One Thing That Means They Would Never Be Normal Again, Ever (ignoring the fact that this is already a lost cause by then), Ashley doesn't get into any fights with Andrew in the same way she did back in the apartment. All she wants is affirmation and security. She doesn't even lay into her mom like she lays into Julia over the phone, even in their private conversations.

We’re led to believe that she’s still getting worse because the actions she’s taking are more extreme, but her attitudes and behaviors are much, much different. The actual actions they're taking are so obviously the right thing to do (both morally and practically) that I don't think it's until they eat their parents that you should make a double take and go "Wow, maybe these goblins actually are kinda fucked up," because until then, well… everything is justified! Perfectly so! Even then, eating their parents serves a purpose, even if not a mentally healthy one.

Maybe she’s calmer because she’s in control over the situation, but if the calls she made to Julia are any indication (independent of the theory that she didn’t actually say those things), were she unchanged as a person, she still would’ve lashed out at their mother over how much more useful she is to Andrew than their parents were, or something of that nature. Something about how nothing their mom offers could compete with what Ashley gives. But she makes no such claims. She feels no need to prove anything to her parents, or to reaffirm her place in Andrew’s life even in the face of her mother challenging it (or at least implying such a challenge). Regardless of her insecurities, she’s changed. It’s hard to see, but she has.

And then Andrew can ignore that and consider betraying her because he refuses to believe that she's willing to make their dynamic work, when she shows many different indications of being willing to concede as long as Andrew stops giving her mixed signals.

A friend of mine put it best, and I'm pretty much quoting her word for word here, because of how strongly I agree with it. When I look at Ashley, I find very few actual "flaws." I see familiar wounds.

The Burial ending, despite being triumphant and not nearly as "dark" as some people think, is still very, very sad. A lot of abusive dynamics are characterized by someone having to fight every step of the way to get what they need from the other person, usually some kind of emotional validation or relief. This is what happens between Andrew and Ashley for most of the game: Ashley wants Andrew to treat their relationship as special, to acknowledge there's something to it beyond just him going through the motions. And yet for most of the game, he refuses to, especially in chapter 1. And then, in Burial, when he does…

She's confused.

A lot of people view this as her being afraid of losing control over Andrew, since her "Andy," who she can push around, is gone. Andrew has changed, and the same tricks wouldn't work. But that's not what that is; it's not about control, it's about her finally getting what she wants from him without having to fight. She still thinks about using sex as leverage to keep him around, but that's because she's never understood what it's like to have someone actually want to be around her. And I speak from experience; when you no longer have to fight for every little bit of emotional validation or relief, when you no longer have to keep checking your messages to keep an argument going so you can finally be proven right, when you no longer have to force yourself to let go, to stop engaging, the reaction isn't happiness. It's not relief.

It's confusion. It's discontent.

Because something you've tied so much of yourself up in to is no longer there, despite it being more peaceful, it still feels wrong. The dynamic still has to be this way in your mind, because you've never known anything else. You latch on to whatever you can in order to justify that, and your actions are still heavily biased in favor of maintaining your place in that nonexistent dynamic. This isn't manipulation; it's trauma. And the fact that Ashley almost immediately understands that Andrew is changing is nothing short of a miracle. By consolidating past and present Andrew into a single person rather than splitting them into two, she showing that she can actually heal from that trauma. And all Andrew had to do to enable this is to acknowledge that she CAN change, that things CAN be better, and that everyone who claims to be better than her is full of shit.

I've analyzed the events of the story in a way that may seem needlessly antagonistic to some characters, and overly charitable to others. But I have to ask you, that if you disagree with anything I've said:

Where does that disagreement come from? What about my narrative clashes with your own? -Why- does it clash? Is it because the game presents your interpretation as obvious, whereas mine is not? Is it because you've experienced someone like Ashley before in your life, and you know it when you see it? Maybe you strongly identify with Andrew, and view his status as a doormat with no agency to be obvious? Or did you just accept the narrative that much of the fanbase has taken at face value, without further analysis other than building on top of it?

I don't believe these things to be contrarian; I've held most of these opinions since my first or second playthrough. I don't believe what I do because you don't, I believe what I do because I understand what Ashley has been through. I've experienced a lot of the specific traumas she had, such as deep feelings of isolation and being deprived of the emotional validation I need from the people who need to give it. I know what it's like to be misunderstood, to have who and what I am taken for granted, and to be terrified of being abandoned by the people I need the most. I see what I do because I understand.

And I want to give her that understanding that nobody gave me.

Maybe you should think about it. Why do you take it for granted that Andrew is a doormat who is strung along by Ashley? Why do you find it so odd when the trope of a woman corrupting a good man through leveraging sex is drawn into question? Why is Ashley seen as crazy, when all of her actions are so straightforward and rational? How is she corrupting him, when the single most needlessly violent act in the whole story- outside of the Nina flashback- is done without her influence? Why is Ashley seen as the abusive one when Andrew both threatens and resorts to physical violence and witholds emotional validation?

Weirdly personal tangent aside, Ashley and Andrew are two of the most well-written characters I have ever seen. They're not written like archetypes who interact with each other through a series of tropes; they're written like real people who's words and actions have astoundingly human motivations. They come from places that we can understand and relate to.

And just like people, they deserve respect. In spite of all they've done, they deserve love.

But make no mistake, Ashley is not the one stopping that love from happening. She just has the audacity to still want it in spite of everything telling her that she doesn't deserve it. We're led to believe she wants too much, but all she ever wanted was the bare minimum that she was never given.

And she has every right to be mad about it.

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Okay I'll be straight, how do you do it

I love ai but I always feel like I can't get her right when I'm writing her down, I'm starting a fic but ai doesn't really feel like, you know, ai

So just a question, how do you get ai in character

Btw Thank you so much for your posts as they have been extremely helpful and cool to read❤️❤️❤️

thank you so much!! honestly it is still wild to me that so many people want to hear me rambling to myself about my wife LMFKDSKJHFD

I fully acknowledge that this is going to be at best a mildly unhelpful answer and at worst come off like the world's most pathetic humblebrag but Ai is a character who comes to me really easily at this point and I don't have to put a ton of active, deliberate thought into writing her. To be clear, this is not just from me being like, The All-Knowing, All Seeing Understander Of Hoshino Ai, P.H.D. in Aiology (even though I AM) (I promise this is a joke) but from a combo of things!

The first is a lot of practice! At this point I've been writing Ai either for RP or for fic pretty much every day for two years. The second is just that I'm confident in my interpretation of her - this definitely is a humblebrag but my from-episode-1-and-pre-movie-arc stance was always "Ai was an ordinary girl doing her best and it was everyone else who deified her against her will" and that turned out to be the literally explicitly textual canonical lynchpin of the whole fucking thing.

This means that I both have a lot of experience in writing her in lots of different contexts and that even when I do enter uncharted territory, I have a good enough grasp of her underlying thought patterns and behaviour to just kind of sit down and write without having to deliberate a ton. These are both things that anyone can come into, tho!

This is probably gonna sound like a captain obvious suggestion but the best way to start building your understanding of a character is just to go back to the canon material and really gnaw on it. I got an anon last year who had a v. similar question to you and I basically gave them a similar rundown of all the steps I would give to someone to come into a more robust understanding of Ai as a character. I stand by everything I said there with a few caveats;

Obviously they weren't available at the time, but now they're out I would add 153 and 154 as essential reading for your Ai interpretation, since they round out our understanding of the KamiAi relationship and Ai's POV of it. You can also read the 15YL KamiAi scenes tho we obviously have to take them with the grain of salt that they're in-universre RPF lmao.

Oh and there's the Q&A that was released alongside the Da Vinci interview too - I hadn't gotten around to TLing it at the time of that ask but it's available now. Like the Da Vinci interview, it's good for getting a better look at 'Ai of B-Komachi' when she's in work mode and where she differs - or rather, how often she doesn't - from the regular Ai in her downtime.

I also recommend Ai's chapter of Spica a little more strongly than I do in this original post, but I would recommend waiting until the official English TL comes out! Our fan TL was fine just in terms of getting the story to the fandom but I can pretty much guarantee the YenPress version of it will be a huge improvement lol.

After that, the best thing to do is just practice! Like I said, I've been writing Ai for a long time now so I feel pretty at ease with her but I definitely wasn't always. Actually, it's a funny coincidence but I was actually rereading some of my really early RP stuff with her the other day - like, April/May 2023 stuff, so SUPER early into when I was writing her - and the whole time I was like "jeez this is so off... lol". I was writing her as way more like... deliberately manipulative and shrewd and I was missing out on some of the really important things about her - her genuine confusion/struggles with empathy and communication, her desperate loneliness, her fawning instincts and the way she internalizes blame at every turn... a lot of really essential stuff! And even at the time, I remember just this sense of "hm, this isn't quite right, is it...?"

Actually in hindsight, I was writing that stuff before I'd even heard of Viewpoint B, let alone translated it............... crazy to imagine given how essential I consider it now LOL

ANYWAY!!! My point is that ultimately you just gotta flex your muscles and practice and you'll eventually start Feelin It. I'd already done a ton of RP writing for Ai before I started any of my fics so that's where I did my reps but if that doesn't work or you don't RP, writing some zero stakes stuff in private just to feel out her character could work! Nab some random scenario prompts to give you ideas and write her in some different situations and see what feels right. Honestly, any kind of character building exercise/prompt could probably be good for this so check those out - even if they advertise themselves as being for original writing concepting, it should still be helpful!

If you've done all that but still feel like you're not getting her quite right I can almost guarantee that what you're feeling is off is the character voice! I can guarantee that like, nine times out of ten if you've ever clicked into a fic and been met with a wave of 'they would not fucking say that' even if you couldn't pinpoint why, it's because the author did not have a good grasp of character voices. On the flip side, having a good grasp of character voice means that you have a lot more wiggle room in terms of writing something that 'feels' in-character so long as you're able to keep up with that character voice.

I uh, was going to write up a whole section here about how to click into a character voice but then this post on literally exactly this topic passed my dash and said it all much more concisely than I would've done, so. read that LMAO

ANYWAY... at the end of this big ramble, I think the only other thing I'd have to say is... ultimately, just have fun with it! I totally get that sense of wanting to Get Her Right especially when there's so many utterly unhinged takes on her in the fandom lol but at the end of the day, if you're not enjoying the process then there's no point in doing it to begin with. So try not to stress yourself out about it too much!

oh also, you have to send me whatever you write so i can read it. that's not optional <3

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I think severance is the first thing I’ve truly been not normal about. Like I’ve been obsessed with media before but like I simply cannot be normal about this show.

Exhibit A: Helena Eagan

I will say I started out and remained a hater for a while, but at some point I became fixated. Like. I can’t even get into the depths of the insanity about her without seriously embarrassing myself and not even in a pervert way. I wish it was in a pervert way! But like whilst being the character I rooted against the most I also could not stop thinking about her day and fucking night. Atp I like her and think she’s probably in the most interesting, unique position of any of the characters and Ive always been really enthusiastic about her presence in the show, villainous, anti-heroic, or otherwise. But like. Woof that was a journey for me I did not truly “get it” until the finale, and she was already on the upswing, but that is when it clicked. But honestly I still find her hard to watch because ummm personal baggage with people like that which is not a textual argument but it is true for me. Ah well.

Exhibit B: Markgemma

I claim to not care about this ship really, like as a dynamic I don’t find it particularly interesting especially lined up next to its competition (if we’re calling it that) and I do think it being “endgame” whatever that means, would be boring. But. When I actually think about Scoutie and Gemma being doomed lovers and never being able to truly reunite while both are technically alive and in the same realm…… like no. No other couple ever is doing true Greek classical fucking tragedy like them. Greek tragedies aren’t doing greek tragedy like them. They’re going to rip my heart out and I know it and even if I think I don’t care about them, I do. It’s not up to me!!!!

Exhibit C: Gemma Scout/Ms Casey

When I first saw chikhai bardo I was like damn good ep! Every day since that I have found a new and exciting way I relate to Gemma Scout/Ms Casey that devastates me to my core. I feel like I see a lot of people rooting for Gemma or feeling bad for her, I don’t see a lot of Gemma kinnies. It’s not fun out here. Like, some things Mauer said to her could be literal quotes from my actual life. Not fun! But it gets worse every day. I feel like I understand what normal white queers saw in like, idk spn or Sherlock like I understand kinning now. I’m doing it. It turns out I never related to a character before now, every other instance was just a passing resemblance. wtf. I’m so fucked.

I think what I’m getting at is that I don’t usually have such conflicting feelings about stuff. Or intense. Or sustained. Whatever I’m fine,

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